One dynamic that I tend to see, more so with women, is an inability for that person to consider them self. What does that mean? Thinking about yourself and considering your personal thoughts, opinions and wants is so important. It’s crazy to see smart, fabulous people that have the habit of ditching what they want in order to please or “keep the peace” with others.
Engaging in this habit of always putting yourself last is the road to totally loosing your sense of self. You loose your ability to know yourself and have opinions when you put yourself last. When you are never making choices for yourself because your operating on what everyone else wants of you, it’s easy to become a shell of who you are.
I not only see this with others, but I have experienced this with myself. I hated conflict. I loved to please. I wanted to be easy breezy, always. Not until I got my world pretty rocked, did I learn the huge gift of gaining my sense of self back, which largely entailed me relearning what I like, what I’m about and what I stand for. These concepts of myself got lost when I was consistently just going with the flow of what others thought and wanted for me. Regaining ME has been a major game changer in my life.
Taking on the thought that “everybody is not going to like me” and learning to ACCEPT this as a normal reality was a big feat for me. I now think “if everybody likes you, how are you not being truthful to yourself?” Having opinions, ways of thinking and habits, creates a solid and interesting person. It’s like vanilla ice cream. It’s pretty standard. It’s a common flavor to like, but how interesting is it? Not so much. Be pistachio ice cream. Some people hate it. Some people love it. It stands out because it’s not boring. I rather be interesting than boring, but that’s just me.
You are interesting. That is for sure. Everybody is. It’s just a matter of genuinely expressing who you are. Only when you consider yourself and pay attention to your desires, wants and likes on a consistent basis can you stay connected to who you are. Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome to be flexible, consider others and be supportive and open to another way, but be mindful of getting lost in pleasing everyone else but yourself.
This can be a tricky thing to decipher at first. A big block that I had to get past when I worked on this aspect of myself was my self battle with feeling “selfish” for not doing what others wanted. In my head I was so wired to want to please that “I felt bad” and “selfish” if I did what I wanted to do. How I got past that was committing to and accepting that I probably was going to feel really uncomfortable for awhile because operating in life with considering me was foreign. I wish I could tell you that it was a easy shift for me to focus on myself, but it wasn’t. It was hard, weird and unnatural. What I can tell you, is eventually the discomfort went away and I did rediscover me, and now have very few issues with feeling like I have to please others.
Today is a reminder to do you. You have everything to gain if you do so.