I find a lot of comfort in believing that my life is happening “for” me not “to” me. That perspective helps me deal with situations that are difficult and disappointing. The belief that events are unfolding in my favor tends to cushion the blow when things around me are not working out as I would’ve hoped. When things, relationships and situations don't work out as I would've wished, it can be a struggle to stay positive and hopeful. I find that believing that there is a bigger picture forming, for the better, to why things are unfolding as they are, helps me to trust the process.
We all have limited control to how events are going to unfold around us, although we have control in how we are going to define these events. How we define what is happening to us can very much affect our ability to navigate through our days. When difficult things happen in life and we twist it into how the world is against us, life will feel hard and full of resistance and struggle.
When circumstances around me are not ideal or don’t work out, it can be easy to get caught up in the disappointment of “what could’ve been” or “what should’ve been.” It can become a habit to focus on the disappointment and regret of how things unfold when you believe that they are not working in your favor. This upset is real and can feel overwhelming to navigate through. What would it mean for you to believe that events are actually working in your favor even though you can’t see how…….. yet?
Here are some grounding thoughts that help me when I’m struggling to see the silver lining of a “not so fabulous” situation that is painful and hard to manage.
This to Shall Pass
Life is in constant movement. It never stops. For the most part, situations and your life circumstances are temporary. You have options in terms of actions to take or perspectives to hold onto that can help you to move through the uncomfortable feelings that a situation may be presenting. Life is always morphing, changing and evolving into something different. This just IS. Remind yourself that your situation will change because, simply, that’s the process of life. Change is inevitable.
Stop Trying to Fix IT
It’s natural for a lot of us to go into “fix it” mode when something in our life is not conspiring the way we want it too. Here is a bit of reality that can be hard to hear: We don’t always know what is best for us. Of course we don’t. We are not super human. It doesn’t matter how evolved of a person you are or how much time and energy you put toward self growth. There will remain to be times when you don’t know what move or decision to make. This is the whole point of life. You are not supposed to know all the right answers. You’re here to grow and evolve and your life situations and events are presented to you in order for you to learn. Sometimes our life events call for us to take action and sometimes they don’t. Learning the beautiful art of when to push and when to pull within your own life is your unique process to manage. When in doubt, take a step back and be mindful of when you are in “fix it” mode. Life has it’s natural way of working things out. Learning how to begin trusting this natural flow of life can very much serve you and benefit your life to flow with more ease.
The Dots Will Connect
What dots?! I’m referring to the “dots” of your life (events, happenings, people and situations) that are swirling about around you. Things might be happening around you right now that don’t appear to have any significance. They might even feel bad and hopeless. What I’m encouraging you to flirt with is the concept that, although you can’t see it now, perhaps there is a bigger reason why things are “happening” as they presently are. Trust that a positive result is brewing that you can’t see yet. Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean that it ’s not forming, growing or being created to better your life. You never really know when or if something very exciting or monumental could be happening that can drastically change your reality. Why not invest in believing that good things are to come?
Trusting that “it will all make sense” in the long run is a way of thinking that provides some sort of comfort and hope. If you don’t have hope, you risk living a life being stuck in fear mode. So much of life is unknown, whether we falsely believe we have it all lined up. Learning to let go, trust more and live in the present can help ground you to create a rich life experience.
When I’m going through something challenging, it serves me to believe in all these perspectives. These perspectives act as anchors for me when I’m feeling unsettled and a bit lost. Practicing trust and finding acceptance during the hard stuff helps me to get through the rough patches.
Hopefully these words can be helpful for you too.
* I took this image when I was on a little boat trip to the Channel Islands, off the Ventura Coast.