Feeling jealous can be an uncomfortable feeling to stay the least. Often it’s a feeling that acts as a mirror reminding us of what we want, which we are lacking in our present life. This feeling can be hard to swallow. Jealousy can be triggered in many different ways. What makes one person jealous can have no effect on another. It’s unique and individual as we all have our own personal desires.
Here are a handful of situations that can trigger jealous emotions: The person who struts around with the body we want. The individual who has the career and financial means that we dream of. The owner of a home that’s so well decorated, organized and pulled together. That Instagram that is so well curated and creatively dialed in. That photographer that’s so talented and has such an unreal natural eye. That ability for a person to travel to all the places we want to go with no setbacks. The list goes on and on. It will never end if you continue to give it fuel. Jealousy is a normal feeling, although making sure it stays in balance and works for you instead of against you is important to regulate.
Here is a perspective on jealousy that can help you refresh your relationship with this emotion.
The most helpful explanation that I have heard to get more into the core of what jealousy is goes something like this:
Feeling jealousy toward another is simply because they possess a skill, way of being or have something that YOU are capable of and possess, yet have not tapped into yet.
Did you get that? Read it again and really take that in. You have or possess the qualities to create what you are jealous of. Jealousy is a reminder with a sting because it shakes the buried desires that you have deep within. Desires that you are meant to play out within your life, but have not, for whatever reason, worked toward yet. So, this person was placed on your path to fire up that desire within you so you can start taking action toward what you want and stop playing small.
You can believe this or not. Although the alternative of making it about the other person and directing negative self talk toward bringing down their character is a road that is unproductive and straight up bad vibes. Unfortunately, it seems common for jealousy to get filtered via gossip and “talking down” about others. I know how I personally feel when others talk negatively about people around me and it’s not a behavior I choose to entertain nor spend much time listening too. It feels uncomfortable, bad and it says something to me about the person who is bringing another down. It highlights their own weakness and insecurities.
Notice what makes you feel jealous. Use the emotion to look within and possibly better yourself. Use it to help identify what’s within you that might need some awakening. Simply said: Make it about you. Be aware of projecting your jealous feelings onto a person outside of yourself. (Reminder: It’s never about the other person.) The action of using jealous feelings to encourage your own self growth is a more productive way to cope with the emotion in your life.
I absolutely understand that we are all human and that there will and has been moments in our lives were we have handled situations in a way that does not highlight our best. That’s okay. It’s all part of learning. What my intention is for bringing up this topic is for you to take this perspective in and make your own decision about what’s right for you on how to cope and operate for the future.
There is no perfect, but there is the urge and want to become better. That’s up to you.
As always, thanks for reading.
* This image was taken on a photo trip to the desert. Image by Amy Lynn Bjornson, a San Diego based photographer.