I think it’s so very hard to to go into a situation, relationship, job, trip, etc and have no expectations for how you want things to work out. It’s scary for us to imagine something not going as planned or not ending up how we want it to look. After all, our wants and desires are real. So, when we apply for the job, sign up to date the guy or girl or take any action toward something we feel we want, of course it sucks if it doesn’t work out. When things don’t work out the way we visualize them too, it ’s a major bummer. It can feel 100% crushing. Feeling disappointed and let down is a hard space to be in and tolerate. The discomfort that it can bring when something is not working out how we want it to can feel crawl out of your skin uncomfortable. This can lead to sleepless nights, pit in stomach, and heart wrenching feelings of discomfort.
So, what are you supposed to do when things don’t line up in your favor? (Or so you think.)
There’s not one right answer to share with you, but one action I urge you to consider is to take a step back. A step back from the situation, to soak it in, feel it, process it and gain perspective on it. Allowing yourself to feel the disappointment, press the reset button on your situation and gain perspective can help you see things differently, more positively, or just leaves you space to be and feel however you need to, no judgement added. Once you step back, I also encourage you to remember that there is something bigger than you, call it a life force or the Universe, that is working with you to bring about events and circumstances that are meant to support your growth. If something is not working out, perhaps there is a bigger and better circumstance for you down the road. Stepping back and trusting can be really hard to do, but often it’s an important step in allowing things to fall into place without your control.
Something that I’ve been thinking about lately is that life, in some respects, is a leap of faith. It’s jumping without knowing if the net will catch you. It’s trusting that there is a bigger and better plan to the movie of your life when you feel out of answers. It’s excepting and tolerating the unknown so the journey doesn’t feel like it’s working against you or happening to you.
Usually, we have a plan of how we think we want something to work out. We have an expectation about it. The reality is that we actually don’t always know what’s best for us. (Even though we are convinced that we do.) It’s a humbling act to take a step back, put our ego to the side and acknowledge that we don’t always know how a situation should play out, again, even when we believe with everything in us that we do. Looking at the unknown as exciting instead of out of control and scary is a perspective that can help improve your relationship with uncertainty. Think about it, if you knew how everything was going to play out, don’t you feel that, on a level, some sort of excitement about life and how it unfolds would be lost? I feel it would. I believe that the unexpected tends to bring the most beautiful moments and events toward you that lead to the bigger and more impactful circumstances of our lives.
Expectations can block us from allowing things to unfold even better than we can dream up. The problem is that when we are so hell bent on something looking a certain way, we start controlling, which blocks limitless awesome possibilities to come in our lives. A really good place to live is in the space of allowing, which means, jumping into things being open to how they play out and noticing and finding the beauty in them regardless of the final verdict.
Loosen your expectations and see what gifts you can spot by doing so.
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* This image was taken on a road trip to Tuscon, AZ.