How To Create and Maintain Your Boundaries
There are so many things that have the potential to sweep us away these days. Therefore this post is all about how to crete and maintain your boundaries (stay in your lane), so your energy is not scattered, which will leave you depleted.
Distractions come to us in so many ways. Some are disguised by appearing really pretty; the thousands of mesmerizing images our minds scan through on instagram that catch our eyes. Although beautiful and potentially inspiring, it’s a mass amount of output coming in that we have to filter and digest.
Everything coming at us requires our energy to weed through and sort out.
Other distractions might feel more heavy; a friends sharing of another’s dramatic relationship issues. Not to mention the over abundance of daily texts, DM’s, tweets, snapchats, voicemails and emails on top of work and all the other must do’s. It can feel really intense and overwhelming.
I’ve come to a point where I can start feeling myself shut down like a computer when I feel overloaded. Sometimes it’s just too much “stuff” in one day for me to hold and sift through. Instead of being hard on myself and feeling like “I should” be able to handle all the demands of my (this) world, I just let myself do what I need to do. This usually entails retreating to somewhere quiet so I can literally reboot. Maybe a walk, maybe a surf, maybe a hike, maybe a quiet evening in. Something that helps my system to unwind.
Discovering what your “reboot” is will be a huge benefit to your life.
So, how can you stay clear and focused amongst all the things and stuff going on?
Today is simple, because we can make it so complex. Stay in your lane in life.
Meaning: Stay focused on your mission. Stay clear on your aim. Stay true to your intentions and desires. Stay aware of what makes you feel good. Stay aware of what makes you fulfilled and what lights you up. Keep your energy protected by being selective about with who and what are good ways to spend your time. Learn and practice how to repel what others may attempt to dump on you by keeping healthy boundaries for yourself. Your lane (your personal space) needs to remain healthy and clear, so you can see where you’re going. You only have so much energy each day, use it wisely.
Start this year off with a bang by making choices that honor you. Pay attention to the things that have the potential to swerve you off your path. As you hold a clear boundary for yourself the negative will organically fall away as the positive things survive and accumulate. Trust this, as it’s the flow of life.
Cheers friends.
* Image taken by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Holiday Tips for People Pleasers
Do you have an exaggerated awareness of the needs of others? Meaning do you find yourself overly concerned and aware about what everyone else needs, while ignoring your needs?
People with a hyper ability to please and make sure everything is okay for others are often neglecting their own needs.
It’s tricky because when someone is taking care of it all, from the outside these “hyper hospitable” individuals show up as super thoughtful, helpful and dependable (all good things). They even get feedback from the world that encourages their helpful ways. The catch is that they’re ignoring their needs in honor of showing up for everyone else.
Is that really so great?
What happened to win/win?
It hurts my heart to see people bend over backward and ignore their needs while running around doing everything for other people. (Especially for people who don’t acknowledge and respect the efforts.)
The irony is that we’re always teaching people how to treat us and when we’re ignoring our own needs, guess what, so will everyone else. This is the dangerous cycle of constantly doing, giving and being to everyone other than ourselves.
With that said, in this holiday season of busy and endless things to do, please take a moment to check in with yourself, pause for a hot minute, and make sure you’re tending to yourself.
It’s one thing to support and send love to others, but don’t confuse this with bending over backwards and giving when it’s crossing the boundary to over giving and, ultimately, disrespecting yourself.
Tips For The Holidays
For some people, a card is enough. Don’t stress about giving gifts because you think you “should.” I understand and respect that there’s some people that it’s a personal “must do” to gift too and that’s fine, although, draw the line somewhere.
When you’re exhausted and tired please respect your body. You don’t need to push yourself to please others. Do what you need to do.
Practice allowing others to help you. If you identify as being sensitive and hyper aware of others needs, pause before you jump on the urge “to do” for everyone else. Practice waiting, even if just for a couple seconds, to give other people the space to take care of their own needs. You will be surprised to see what other people are capable of when you allow them to show up for themselves.
This is your holiday season. Enjoy it.
*Image by Photographer Shannon Bailey.
5 Tips (How to Make Better Life Choices)
Decisions, decisions. They can be so hard. I mean, which decision is "right?!"
What choice is best for me? What choice is going to be best for everyone involved? Is this choice bad? Is this choice "wrong?" Is this choice selfish? Seriously, it can be so confusing and overwhelming, especially when our decisions involve big change and impact other people.
The reality is that being human requires us to make decisions. Making no decision is a decision. I've been at points of my life where I've completely stalled because I didn't know what "the right thing to do" was. (I'm sure you can relate.) Taking time to think things through is one thing, although sitting in the grey for too long can create it's own set of issues. There's no escaping making decisions for our lives, so here are some thoughts on how to feel more confident about the decisions that are currently requesting your attention.
1. Consider the Opinion of a Legit Source
When you're on the fence about a choice, it can be beneficial to turn to a legit source who has knowing and opinions that you value. When you're contemplating a decision and someone that you respect has relevant experiences to share, keep your ears open. Want to be a doctor? Talk to a practicing physician that you enjoy who has concrete advice. Want to travel somewhere interesting? Seek out conversations with like minded adventurers who travel to destinations that excite you. Be mindful that these are outside opinions, however, when opinions come from a trusted and valued source, I considered that to be GOLD.
2. Tap Into Your Core Values
What you value acts as a compass toward making decisions that align with who you are and what you stand for. Think of each of your core values as guiding lights; lighting the path before you in the direction that's uniquely "right" for you. When you're clear about what's important to you, you'll make decisions with more ease.
Defining core values helps you get in tune with who you are and what you enjoy. Be aware that your preferences will change as you continue to grow and expand. What you once enjoyed can change over time. Sometimes it's just a habit that keeps us doing what we have always done, whether we still gain pleasure from it or not. With that said, it can be beneficial to check in with who and where you are in your life now in order to make more updated choices that honor the present you.
3. Sit on It
Some decisions require you to take a step back and get quiet in order to listen for what the right thing to do is. Allow yourself time to sit with your choices. Be mindful of external forces pushing you to make a decision before you're ready to make one. I understand that some decisions do have and need a timeline, but make sure you have some empty space so you can hear yourself without interference from the outside.
4. Feel it Out
Feel about the decisions that lay before you. That might sound weird, let me further explain.
How you feel about your life and the experiences, opportunities and people in it is huge. Sometimes you can't sum up how you feel in words, although how you feel about something never fails. The tricky part is matching how you feel with what you decide to do. It's like the feeling that surfaces when you're literally walking in the wrong direction, it just doesn't feel right. Get to know that feeling so you can identify it and act on it.
“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
How can you make good decisions if you're not aware of how you feel? By slowing down and checking in more frequently with yourself you can, overtime, become more in tune with how you feel about things vs. how you think about things. This will help you make better choices.
5. Take the Pressure Off
A quote that I always think about when I make major choices in my life is a John Burroughs quote, "Leap and the net will appear." Meaning, make a move and something will come in to support you and help direct you further. This really is how it works in life.
This quote helps me "dumb down" decision making. It takes my view on choices from a level 9 to a level 3 in scary factor. It helps me remember that the chances of me ruining my life in a single choice is a pretty extreme perspective that's going to keep me in fear and stagnant, which is scary in itself.
Take a breath, get grounded and make the best decision that you know to make in the moment that an answer is being requested. That's the best any of us can do.
Many decisions, especially major ones, come into existence because of the small choices that we're making along the way. For example, usually multiple different choices and events lead to the decision to either leave or stay in a established relationship. It's more rare to have one single event happen that changes everything.
Also, remember that most everything is temporary in life. We're going to make decisions that lead to something we don't necessarily want or like, that's part of living. However, perhaps we have to go down those mirky roads in order to get to an elevated place within ourselves and our lives. Trust this.
Hopefully, these tips spoke to you and can help you navigate your way with more confidence. Trust that when you make a move, something or someone other than you will swoop in to support you or help you get clear on which direction to go in. Although, you have to start down the path by making a choice, which will then set the flow of life in motion. Trust that the flow of life will help you navigate your way from there.
Now, get after it and make a move.....
* The above image was taken by photographer, Renata Amazonas.