Inner Child Work (What it is & How to Connect to Your Inner Child)
ln the world of psychology talk of the “inner child” may sound intimidating or “a bit too “woo- woo” for some. Especially for those of us not familiar with this kind of language. If this is the case for you, bare with me. I’m going to break this subject down in a way where you can understand it and, perhaps, even use it to enhance your personal growth.
Below is a mini Q & A for you to gain more understanding on the topic of the inner child.
Here. We. Go……
Q: I hear the term “inner child” thrown around in the world of psychology/self help. What does that even mean?
The term “inner child” often refers to the part of you that can be holding onto past pains, hurts, traumas and emotional distress that’s affecting your ability to function and make healthy choices, whether it’s conscious or not, in your present life.
It’s suggested that if you have a “wounded” past self within, this part of self will “act out” that pain within your adult life and relationships. When our inner child is holding onto past pain and without peace, we can find ourselves, in the present, making choices from that hurt place within .
The thought behind inner child work is that once the “old wound” is addressed and healed, we will no longer have the unconscious pull for our pain from the past to show up in our present. Think of a physical wound and it’s healing process. If a deep cut was never taken care of it’s going to look physically different years later than if it was properly tended to and addressed at the time of injury. So is the same with our emotional pain. You can’t visibly see emotional pain, so it can go under the radar and be dismissed if we’re not attentive to it.
Q: Some people might be a little skeptical about the idea of an inner child. Can everyone get in touch with their inner child if they choose?
Absolutely! Everyone whose open to exploring the relationship with their inner child can connect with this aspect of themselves. With that said, individuals that have skepticism around whether this part of them exists, would need to do some work on increasing their belief and unblocking the resistance around this concept in order to fully “go there.” Generally speaking, resistance is a common barrier that needs to be released in order to dive into an area of life or self that has blockage or disbelief.
Areas where we have blocks or resistance, usually, are the areas where there’s inner work to be done. It reminds me of the saying: “Go Toward Your Fear.”
The truth is, it often takes discomfort to grow.
When things are comfortable it presents no motivation for us to change or challenge our situation.
Q: What are some of the ways your inner child might show up in your life? (Both, Positive & Negative)
Situations that trigger intense emotions tend to awaken our inner child or “old wounds.” Look for areas of discomfort, helplessness, fear, anxiety, a lack of control and grief. Generally, keep your eye out for situations that bring up resistance and a high emotional response. Look for a response that doesn’t align with the emotional intensity of the event. For example, getting enraged about something that most would consider trivial; I’ll use the cliche: “Crying over spilled milk."
For a healthy reference point, emotions usually tend to “match” the level of intensity of a situation. When there’s a misalignment, meaning that the reaction is way bigger than the event calls for, it’s important to take a look at that in order to identify what could be coming up for you.
Q: What beginning strategies might you recommend to someone hoping to do some inner child healing?
Healing this part of self can be ignited with activities that connect and engage you toward your inner child.
What does that look like? For example, it can be really helpful to spend some time looking at pictures of yourself from childhood.
Why? By doing so, we can tap back into the emotional space of the time where that image was taken. It’s the same with scents, places we have nostalgia for, songs, sentimental/significant people. Have you ever smelt something and it literally transported you emotionally back to a place? (Yes, right?! This is what I’m talking about.)
Visualizations are great too. Visualizations allow you to tap into a mental place where you can visit your inner child as the adult you are now. As adults, we have tools and perspectives that we didn’t have as kids. As we bring our maturity and healthy perspectives to our younger self in this safe mental space, we can potentially “reframe” the event where there was pain and even trauma.
Tending to old wounds that were never fully healed is the pathway to a more balanced and healthy self.
(Advisory: Some individuals might have severe trauma around their past, and in those cases, it’s important to seek the guidance of a well trained professional. Doing so will help you have support and introduce you to coping strategies as you face difficult past emotions where professional support may be essential.)
Q: Any guidance on finding the right type of therapist to explore inner child work with?
All licensed therapists are trained to support this type of work. However, some therapists can have more experience and training with inner child work than others. I recommend asking questions to any potential therapist as to what their experience is with this topic when looking for a therapist to support your growth and healing. Also, therapists that are trained to do EMDR is great for trauma healing.
Reflecting on your past self in order to release emotions that can be weighing you down, is a process that can provide you with healing that can leave you feeling lighter and more at peace. Growth requires you to try on different ways of doing things. Acknowledging and checking in with your inner child can provide you with insight that can support your healing. If you’re called to doing this work, give it a go.
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
I collaborated with Healthline on this topic a- Check out that post here.
Find another great resource to help point you toward inner child work here.
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Have thoughts or reflections?
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* Blog Image by Amy Lynn Bjornson, Lifestyle & Wedding Photographer.
A Therapist’s Thoughts on Love, Friendship & Career
I love hearing about the lessons and ways of thinking that people arrive at based on their experiences in life. I’m always drawn toward articles, books and interviews where people discuss and are asked about “advice to their younger self.” We all hold so much knowledge based on the experiences and life passages that we have already gone through. Today I’m going to touch upon some feedback that I have, at this point of my life, around the topics of love, friendship & career. These topics are super vast, so I’ve done my best to keep this short and concise, yet raw and truthful.
Here it goes:
What advice would you give to your younger self about LOVE?
If you're unavailable, you will attract unavailable. Period, the end. Man, I know this one.
Be the partner you want to attract. If you want someone athletic, make sure you get out there and get your sweat on. If you want a go getter, make sure you're going after what you want in your own life. If you want someone who loves to adventure, yup, you guessed it, make sure you're down to explore and are open minded to new things. Bottom line, make sure you possess and are actively partaking or working toward what you’re saying you want in a relationship. Like attracts like. Become what you want and it will show up.
Surround yourself with a partner that builds you up, respects you and one whom you feel really good about yourself around. How you feel about yourself when you’re in the presence of another is a huge piece of information. Pay attention.
It’s so cliche, but trust your gut, your inner knowing, the feeling that’s a constant under tone about the relationship that your choosing to be in. Whatever your gut is saying is the truth.
Make sure that, for the most part, your partner’s actions and words match up. If they don’t you have reason to not fully trust them. I know that I trust the relationships in my life that are consistent and reliable. Mean what you say: Say what you mean. Especially within the little things. The little things are a reflection of the bigger things. That’s how trust is built and protected. Be and seek people whose word matches their actions.
Letting go is hard and sometimes the answer. Not all relationships are meant to be forever, even when you want them to be. This is a tough one.
What advice would you give to your younger self about FRIENDSHIPS?
Good friends will tell you the truth in a respectful way. I’ve had some moments in my life that stand out to me where I’ve posed a really difficult question about my life situation to a friend and they’ve looked me dead in the eye and told me the truth, not what I wanted to hear. These can be and are often two very different things. I love the friendships in my life that I know will always say it to me straight. Cheers to honesty with respect and good intentions. Bottom line: Solid friendships are built around authenticity and honesty, even when it might be hard to hear.
Be the friend you want to attract. (Similar to the partner you want to attract.) Learn to possess and BE what you appreciate in another.
Good friends warm your heart and want the best for you. A true friend doesn’t try to “one up” you or compete with you. They just don’t.
If you can’t be yourself in a friendship, what’s the point? Seriously.
Solid friends are solid people. I’m really protective of who I bring into my world because friendships can influence and encourage us to grow or they can block our light. I have a no tolerance policy for low vibe, light blockers. Nor should you. I’m going to go out on a limb by saying that one of the best things I’ve created in my life is my circle of solid, honest, trustworthy and dependable friends. My friends have been and continue to be my largest support system.
What advice would you give to your younger self about CAREER?
Pick a career that matches who you really are vs. who you want to be. Make sure you pick a career that matches your authentic self rather than who you wish you were. Meaning, be careful of getting swept up in an image or coolness factor of a career path. Be true and honest with yourself.
I know your parents love you, but do what you feel called to do, not what they want you to do. Pick a career that calls you. This might be different than the direction that others want you to go into for a multitude of reasons: family business, financial, comfort level, etc. I know that my parents don't really identify with my choice to become a small business owner. They both took a more structured career path. Regardless, I'm glad that I followed what felt true for me. In the long term, the chance of your success is higher if you follow your truth. Your the one who has to live with the reality of your own life.
It might take longer than you want to discover and thrive in your chosen field. Hang in there, it will be worth it in the end if you select a career that’s a true fit for who you are. I remember being in my late 20’s/early 30’s questioning what path I took. Starting my own business was unpredictable. There were days where I doubted where I was going and what I was doing, while other friends of mine were making "good money" and in solid careers. Now, approaching 40, (which I have so much more to say about; coming soon) I’m just starting to see the “fruits of my labor.” I’ve always believed that good, solid things, whether it be relationships, careers or self growth take time. In this fast world, I find myself grounding in the virtue of patience. There are just some things you can’t and should not speed up. I feel this to be true for the area of career.
I would love to open up more of a dialogue around these topics. We’re all teachers based on where we’re at in life and what our journey has taught us thus far. I’m planning on using some of my own personal relationships to further explore these questions and topics. Stay tuned and feel free to share what you've learned.
* The above image was taken by my good friend and photographer, Renata Amazonas.