Words for Coping With Uncertainty

If you struggle with chronic anxiety and fear of what will be, this one’s for you. 

If there’s anything that this time is showing us (it has the potential to show us a lot because that’s what challenging times do) it’s revealing that no matter how much we plan and anticipate life to go in a certain direction, life has it’s own plan. 

So much suffering and pain is experienced when we are rigid and fixed on how we think life should and ought to look in order to be happy. With being on the other end of several clients at this point in my practice, I’ve found that the relationship that we each have with control and trust is a huge indicator of how happy we ultimately are. Meaning, if we have a healthy and balanced relationship with trust and control, we will have less suffering and live our days more peacefully than the other who has a tumultuous relationship with those two concepts.

When we begin to peel away the layers of all the external things and accomplishments that we’re looking to for certainty and start releasing our need for things to look and be the way we think they should look and be, something really interesting starts to happen. No matter what, when we release control and start practicing acceptance (less control) and hope (more trust), we start feeling better no matter where we’re at in our lives. 

So simple and complicated at the same time, right? I hear you, let me go further to keep it simple.

As we start to feel better because we ‘re choosing to trust, we start calling in and naturally gravitating toward us the experiences, people and places that we desire. All we have to do is let go of CONTROL and TRUST that something is going to catch us if we jump. (I know, this is so uncomfortable because, I mean who is going to catch us?!) Again, that’s control talking because it wants to know and confirm who that individual or thing will be that will break our fall.

The thing is, life doesn’t work like that. When we start accepting that concept, we are pushed toward trusting.

I can’t tell you, nor can anyone for that matter, what the specifics will be for your life. I’m not sure who or when the next pivotal person will enter your life. I don’t know when the next moment will be that’s going to make you smile and warm your heart. I don’t know who is going to say the next thing that makes you think or gets you curious. I don’t know when the next opportunity for you to grow is going to be knocking at your door. I don’t know when your going to be confronted with your next difficult challenge. 

I do know, that those moments are all going to unfold for you because that’s what life does. Life presents us with moments and people and when we’re less in control and more present we can experience and feel those moments more clearly. 

The only thing that you need to have to feel more calm while actually enjoying the unique unfolding of your life is trust and confidence in your ability to handle what’s thrown at you. When we TRUST ourselves it actually doesn’t matter who shows up, or who doesn’t for that matter.  The specifics of our life doesn’t matter as much when we have complete trust in ourselves because self trust allows us to feel secure and safe, no matter what. It’s an illusion when we feel that any person place or thing outside of ourself is “making us” feel safe. We can only do that for ourselves. When we trust ourself and consistently and steadily have our own back, we start giving less “you know what’s” about what unfolds because we’re more focused on the moment by moment of being present in our lives. 

Being present is where happy lives. 

I hope this post finds you well in this uncertain time. I know it’s a challenging time for all of us collectively. I hope that the words within this post bring you some comfort and help you to trust the process of your life, no matter what’s going on for you at the moment. 

Be well friends.

How To Be A Good Friend During Times of Social Distancing & Quarantine

I recently asked my instagram crew for a blog topic. I love creating content around questions and topics that you guys want to hear more about. Keep em’ coming. 

Here’s the question that I’ll be speaking too:

How can you be a good friend during these times? (times of social distancing, quarantine, COVID-19)

Meaning “these times,” when there’s limited ways of spending in person, face to face, time with friends and family. A time where we’re pretty limited in where we can go and what we can do. I want to speak to what we do have control of in order to honor the connections that we hold dear and want to keep alive and thriving.

Side note: I also want to say this, when times get tough is where we have the opportunity to see the truth of people, places and things. It could be an interesting time for you to pay attention to things such as; what you’re missing, what you’re not missing and who you feel pulled to connect with.

I’ve heard from several people that the way they’re connecting at this time, although limited, has been rich as people are getting creative in sending the message that they care.

Wherever you may fall right now in terms of relating to your loved ones, I think it’s important to be flexible. When options are limited, it’s important to practice your built in flexibility muscle. You might be noticing that people who have difficultly being flexible, struggle more during times of uncertainty. When the pickings are slim it requires us to tap into giving things a try that we usually wouldn’t gravitate toward. (This also helps us discover new habits and ways of being that we might really come to enjoy.)

Below are three quick tips to consider if you’re pondering how to be a solid friend in the mist of what we’re all facing (together) at this time.

1. Just. Listen.

If all you do is listen, you’re doing far more than you’ll ever know. Unfortunately, I notice how “just listening” doesn’t feel like it’s doing enough for some. Especially for those of us who are driven by tangible results and want to see proof of how our actions cause an effect on another. I completely understand that AND, learning to honor your listening ear, while valuing how healing and significant a role it plays in all your relationships is key to feeling good about how you’re showing up.

If you think about the relationships that you most trust and appreciate, I’m guessing that the component of feeling heard because the other is genuinely listening is at play. 

Main take away: As simple as it sounds, if you just listen, you’re doing so much. This will always be true.

Take Care of You

The quality of your relationships will correlate with the level of trust and love that you have within yourself. Everything my loves, everything, is going to be a result of the relationship that you have with yourself. Your reality is and will continue to be a reflection of how you care for and treat your beautiful self. 

Side note #2: With that said, it never helps to do a little self inventory, especially now in a time where a lot of the busyness of life has been stripped away. This is a great time to invest attention and energy into your level of self awareness if you choose. 

How you speak to yourself, what you eat, what you tolerate, how you move and treat your body are all components of how you take care of yourself. This, ultimately, reflects the care you hold for your life itself. This level of respect that you hone will be felt and reflected back to you within your connections.

Genuinely Connect

Have you ever noticed that it’s about quality not quantity when it comes to feeling fulfilled in your relationships? What do I mean by that? I’m pointing you to look at the quality of your connections vs. judging your connection on more surface level details. (how much you see, talk or spend time with another) We all know that you can work, go to school with or have a neighbor (or family member) that you might see all the time, but don’t feel genuinely connected too.

It can be to your advantage to take note about how you feel in relationship with another vs. focusing on the more surface details. I’m not taking away the fact that those ingredients (history, frequency of talking, etc.) play a role in a strong connection and create really good substance in a relationship, rather, I’m asking you to look deeper.

Each relationship is unique and it’s for you to honestly evaluate. What you give, in terms of your attention, energy, non judgement and love is what has the potential to make a connection very rich. Even if that’s just over the phone or screen.

Your friends are a reflection of you. You get to choose who you decide to call a friend.

With that said, at the end of the day, reach out to those whom you love. Ditch the excuse that there’s no time. Remember that a small gesture goes a long way. It’s often, the little things that bond us and make us fall for the other, quirks and all.

On that note, if you’re biting at the bit to let a dear friend know that your thinking of them during this time, check this out…..

A dear friend of mine, Beckie Peralta, the jewelry designer behind SINE STUDIO JEWELRY currently has a collection of necklaces on “Care Cards” for you to send to your loved ones. It’s a great way to give vibes of surprise & love from afar. Your personal message will be written on the card & will be shipped directly to your pal! DM her on INSTAGRAM to place your order.

*Above image by Wedding & Lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.