Words for Coping With Uncertainty
If you struggle with chronic anxiety and fear of what will be, this one’s for you.
If there’s anything that this time is showing us (it has the potential to show us a lot because that’s what challenging times do) it’s revealing that no matter how much we plan and anticipate life to go in a certain direction, life has it’s own plan.
So much suffering and pain is experienced when we are rigid and fixed on how we think life should and ought to look in order to be happy. With being on the other end of several clients at this point in my practice, I’ve found that the relationship that we each have with control and trust is a huge indicator of how happy we ultimately are. Meaning, if we have a healthy and balanced relationship with trust and control, we will have less suffering and live our days more peacefully than the other who has a tumultuous relationship with those two concepts.
When we begin to peel away the layers of all the external things and accomplishments that we’re looking to for certainty and start releasing our need for things to look and be the way we think they should look and be, something really interesting starts to happen. No matter what, when we release control and start practicing acceptance (less control) and hope (more trust), we start feeling better no matter where we’re at in our lives.
So simple and complicated at the same time, right? I hear you, let me go further to keep it simple.
As we start to feel better because we ‘re choosing to trust, we start calling in and naturally gravitating toward us the experiences, people and places that we desire. All we have to do is let go of CONTROL and TRUST that something is going to catch us if we jump. (I know, this is so uncomfortable because, I mean who is going to catch us?!) Again, that’s control talking because it wants to know and confirm who that individual or thing will be that will break our fall.
The thing is, life doesn’t work like that. When we start accepting that concept, we are pushed toward trusting.
I can’t tell you, nor can anyone for that matter, what the specifics will be for your life. I’m not sure who or when the next pivotal person will enter your life. I don’t know when the next moment will be that’s going to make you smile and warm your heart. I don’t know who is going to say the next thing that makes you think or gets you curious. I don’t know when the next opportunity for you to grow is going to be knocking at your door. I don’t know when your going to be confronted with your next difficult challenge.
I do know, that those moments are all going to unfold for you because that’s what life does. Life presents us with moments and people and when we’re less in control and more present we can experience and feel those moments more clearly.
The only thing that you need to have to feel more calm while actually enjoying the unique unfolding of your life is trust and confidence in your ability to handle what’s thrown at you. When we TRUST ourselves it actually doesn’t matter who shows up, or who doesn’t for that matter. The specifics of our life doesn’t matter as much when we have complete trust in ourselves because self trust allows us to feel secure and safe, no matter what. It’s an illusion when we feel that any person place or thing outside of ourself is “making us” feel safe. We can only do that for ourselves. When we trust ourself and consistently and steadily have our own back, we start giving less “you know what’s” about what unfolds because we’re more focused on the moment by moment of being present in our lives.
Being present is where happy lives.
I hope this post finds you well in this uncertain time. I know it’s a challenging time for all of us collectively. I hope that the words within this post bring you some comfort and help you to trust the process of your life, no matter what’s going on for you at the moment.
Be well friends.
How To Find The “Right” Mental Health Therapist/ 4 Tips
Even when you’re all set and on board to start therapy, a common initial block is deciding where to start looking for a therapist that’s a fit. My intention for this post is to provide some quick tips so you can find what you’re looking for and get the help that you desire.
Recently I heard a statistic that said something along the lines of this:
What matters most, even beyond how clinically fit a therapist is, is the organic flow of connection that exists between client and therapist while doing “the work.”
I’ve completely rephrased this in my language, although, with being a therapist myself, all I can say is that I agree with this notion 100%. Clicking with, liking, feeling in alignment with the therapist that you choose is a really big deal.
It trips me up when I hear people that are in therapy whom state that they don’t really “like” or “relate” to their therapist.
This just doesn’t need to be so. Especially because there’s so much choice in the matter these days. If you’re seeking to find someone whom you feel gets you in ways beyond clinical, this can be a reality.
With that being said, here are four quick tips for you to apply toward your search for the right therapist so you can find a good match for you.
1. Ask to Have a Phone Consultation
Many therapists, me included, offer short phone sessions in order for you to ask questions or share more about why you’re seeking therapy. This is such a great way for you, the potential client, to get a feel for the therapist on the other end of the phone. Are they easy to talk too? Do you resonate with their approach? Pay attention to how you feel during and after the call.
Beyond getting a feel and vibe for this potential therapist, a short call provides you with the opportunity to ask any questions that you might have around that particular therapists style, education and experience amongst many other things. Also, if money is a deciding factor, many therapists do work on a “sliding fee scale,” which means that they reduce their set fee under certain conditions. It’s worth asking, if in doubt.
2. Spend Time Taking In Their Website
I can only speak for myself with saying that my website is like “my creative baby.“ What I mean by that is that I’ve put so much energy and thought into creating what is now my website. It’s changed, grown and evolved over the years, as my practice and approach has. It’s a HUGE reflection of me. From the photos, to the content, nothing has passed by without my choosy eye making sure it’s a fit for the message I’m looking to convey for my potential client. Now, this is not to say that anything is wrong with a clinician who hasn’t been so hands on, the point is to look for a site where you can get a feel for the professional on the other end.
Again, the key is to pay attention to how you feel as you’re looking through their content.
3. Look for “Their Approach” to Therapy
Are you looking for a therapist whose going to approach you with a more clinical lens or do you want to feel more like you’re talking to a relatable friend, who also has the clinical skills to help you on a professional level. Deciphering what’s important to you can increase your chances of “finding the right fit.”
For example, I cater toward a client who tends to be more of an outside the box thinker. A client whose looking for a less structured, more creative and intuitive approach to therapy. Some would hear that and want to run for the hills, while some would hear that and be drawn in.
If you’re not sure what you’re looking for, which is very common by the way, try on what you’re curious about. Have that initial phone call with the professional that seems to have qualities and approaches that you find interesting and go from there.
4. Look for Loop Holes with Your Insurance
Often times people shut down therapy before it begins because of the cost. I get it. However, it’s important to get clear on what the facts are based on your specific insurance plan. Hopefully, the below information can help you sort that out.
If you have a PPO insurance plan, most, if not all of those plans allow reimbursement for “out of network providers” (key phrase). An “out of network provider” is a mental health professional whose not contracted with any given insurance company. You can get reimbursed directly from your insurance company while rendering services from any “out of network provider” if your insurance accepts “out of network providers.” In order to get reimbursed, your therapist has to provide you with a receipt for services that you then send directly to your insurance company for reimbursement.
(Does that make sense? I hope so, because it can be confusing.)
Giving a quick call to your insurance company and having some sort of dialogue that can be initiated by this specific question can help to clarify how much you will have to “pay out of pocket” per session.
“Hello, I’m looking to seek mental health services and I’m curious to what my coverage is, based on my specific plan. I would love to know the exact percentage per session that I will be reimbursed. Thank you.”
(If your chosen therapist is “out of network,” meaning that they are not covered under your insurance, you can ask your insurance company if they reimburse for “out of network providers.” If they do, you can ask them,:
“How much does my specific plan reimburse for “out of network providers?”
If a provider that you’re looking to begin services with is not covered under insurance at all, you can ask that provider if they work on a sliding scale fee to reduce the session cost and make the possibility of seeing them more financially practical.
If you’re going through insurance, it will benefit you to call ahead of time so you know, financially and factually, what you’re working with based on your specific insurance plan and life situation.
With all that said, recommendations from trusted sources are also great. Although, I would still point you toward connecting with the referred professional prior to deciding to start therapeutic sessions. It’s important to honor what your intuition and gut say despite anyone’s recommendation.
Good luck on your search. If you keep looking while paying attention to how you feel, it’s just a matter of time that you’ll find the right therapist for you.
*Two platforms I always recommend for those searching for a mental health professional:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/ & https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
*Above Image taken by Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
12 Tips To Break A Lying Habit
As the truth can sometimes hurt, our inner voice can validate why a white lie can be harmless. Is this so? Is a white lie so harmless? I’ve teamed up with @healthline to tackle this question.
Click on the link below to read the full post where I’m pumped to be featured as the licensed contributing professional.
12 Tips To Break A Lying Habit
*Image by Amy Lynn Bjornson, Lifestyle & Wedding Photographer.
Be The Love That You Want to Attract
The way toward what we desire is to become what we’re looking for. If we can embody and exude what we want to attract, we’ll become a natural magnet for it.
NO BIGGIE, RIGHT?
Easier said than done, I get it.
There’s so many things that get in the way of keeping it that simple. We have resistance, excuses and all the reasons that validate why it’s so hard to find or get what we want. It ‘s hard to see the light with all the blocks in our way. Although, as excuses get combated with truth and as resistance gets cut with acceptance the noise will clear. Once this clean up is done, there are less excuses and distractions which make it easier to break bad habits that are holding us back from what we desire. This leaves room to focus on what truly lights us up. When we’re walking around all bright and shiny in our life, the things that we desire have a mysterious way of appearing.
Just. Like. That.
I’ll further explain…..
As the Law Of Attraction is constantly at play with the notion that like attracts like, we’re always attracting the people, events and situations who match our energy and overall vibe. This can be borderline annoying to hear because, after all, why would we want to call in people, places and things that we don’t want? Obviously, this is unconscious and it’s an energetic thing. We’ll always be attracting like minded energy to us as we’re attracting what we’re a match for. This is so regardless of if you believe in this notion of the Law of Attraction or not. It’s just the science of life.
SO, WHAT DOES THIS ALL HAVE TO DO WITH ATTRACTING LOVE?
Often, when it comes to love and relationships, we have specific qualities that we prioritize as we seek our love partners. Kind, yes. Witty, yup. Hot, definitely doesn’t hurt. Active, no couch potatoes please. Open hearted, a must. Trustworthy, heck yeah. I can go on and on about “the list” of qualities that we may or may not have gathered up once upon a time.
So, the million dollar question remains……
HOW DO WE ATTRACT THE LOVE IN OUR LIVES THAT WE’RE LOOKING FOR?
WAIT FOR IT………..DRUMROLL……..
BE WHAT YOU WANT TO ATTRACT
Through our choices, which dictate our actions and behaviors we’re either becoming more of who we want to be (Heading toward our most truth based self) or molding into a lesser version of who we want to be. (Pulling away from our ideal self.)
The one thing that we all have in common is that our lives are unfolding under the same moon, sun and stars. What we do with our time is dictating our lives.
What we do in the present effects who we meet, the perspectives we expose ourselves too and what we experience.
SO, HOW DOES THIS CONNECT TO OUR LOVE LIFE & ATTRACTING A PARTNER?
In order to attract and attain what we’re looking for it’s essential to be in the same playing field as what we desire. For example, If you’re looking for someone athletic, the first thing to assess is if you’re living an athletic lifestyle. Do you do the things that athletic people do? Do you consistently care about and put energy toward your physical health? Are you involved with athletic past times? Take a moment to pause and honestly think about these questions.
It’s easy to “just assume” that you’re healthy and athletic, although sometimes it’s important to take a moment to be honest and introspective with yourself about how you define yourself and if the reality of who you currently are matches the truth of who you currently are.
Look at the current you, not the five years ago you. Be mindful about leading with your past self, “I used to be a swimmer,” well, are you still a person who swims? Sometimes we’re still defining ourselves based on who we used to be, not on the truth of who we currently are. Stay present.
I know there’s been times of my life, when I’ve identified myself as a healthy person, although, if i look back on past behaviors, the truth is, I wasn’t treating my body so great at times. It reminds me of the green juice during the week and drinking a bit much on the weekends kinda vibe. Bottom line: Don’t fool yourself. Looking clearly at the truth and having the courage to swallow it will always push you back into balance.
IS YOUR LOVE SWITCH ON OR OFF?
It’s one thing to say that you your heart is open to love, although your behaviors, actions and your energy have to match your words. Stating that you’re open for intimate partnership has to be in alignment with the actual energetic vibe that you’re giving off.
Regardless of what you’re saying, your vibe is screaming either “available and open” or “closed down for biz.”
I like to say that your light switch is either OFF or ON in the love department. It’s either bright in the room or as dark as can be friends. Personally, I get a feeling when my lights are off or shutting down. This state of system shut down (heart space off) usually appears after a romantic disappointment. The best way that I know how to describe it is that it’s an inner knowing and feeling that my heart is tight, blocked and feels closed as it goes into self protective mode. This gives off distant and unavailable energy, for sure. When my heart space is closed off, that’s a signal that I have to do “all the things” to get my heart energy cleared out and back on track. (Although that’s another blog post.)
Bottom line: Your future partner has to have his/her love switch on and you do too in order to match up and attract one another.
WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT?
How you think and the perspectives that you live your life by will be attracting you toward or away from your ideal mate. If you want someone that is glass half full and sunny side up energy, you have to align with that frame of mind. Pretending to be a positive person is very different than actually being a positive person. Your behavior has to be organic for a truth based connection to develop. No pretending here. Remember, the truth will always prevail. Starting a partnership on a foundation that is not authentic will eventually crash and burn in some way, shape or form. Someone whose positive is going to look for a partner whom can compliment their positivity. Take time to think about what kind of attitude and approach to life you desire and investigate how you’re currently operating in that realm.
It’s really all about living and showing up in the way that you personally find attractive. If you start doing, saying and being what you’re looking for, it’s truly just a matter of time that people, places and things will show up to match the energy that you’re putting out. This is a practice. So, just like any other skill you’re setting out to learn, be patient and gentle with yourself. Take the time to really cultivate and hone in the attitudes, actions and ways of life that you’re shooting for. You got this.
Blog image by Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
7 Things to Expect When You’re In A Relationship With A Highly Creative Human
If you’re in a relationship with a creative person, the truth is that you’re dealing with a personality that’s in its own category. Lucky you because this ride with such a personality type will be anything less than boring. Below are some points to hopefully validate your experience or help you to become more understanding of the quirks and ever so intricate mind of your partner.
Their Way of Thinking Is Not Linear. A creative mind is always twisting, turning and driven by fierce curiosity. Don’t be surprised if topics change faster than you can keep up with. Impulsivity is real for these folks. Creatives tend to have rapid fire minds that spider web all over the place. This can be exhausting to be on the other end of, AND, it can also enrich your experience of life because it’s guaranteed to be anything other than stale.
They Need Space to Feed Their Souls and Create. Creativity has a rhythm and flow which requires space. Your artsy partner will have cycles of creation where they show up as less present and inconsistent. They’re doing what they do, which is feeding their artistic side and honoring their creative process. Just as there are four seasons in a year that are fixed, a creative is pulled to respect their unique cyclical flow. This can be difficult to be on the other end of, although being apart of the creation process can have great benefits. Hang in there.
They Don’t Follow The Masses. Creatives form their own narrative. They ask why? They challenge what others unquestionably do because it’s what they were told to do. They question the norm. They possess a natural tendency to challenge the status quo. This leads to a “road less traveled” approach to life, which is a mysterious, exciting and interesting ride. Are you in?
They Feel Through Mediums. Often times a creative has a medium or a variety of mediums that they speak through. This can be photography, painting, furniture design, interior design, writing, drawing, what have you. Knowing what your partners artistic language is can help you better understand their process and inner being.
They Are Forever Young. Creatives tend to be pretty tapped into their inner child. They often see through child like eyes, which has the tendency to keep things lively and fun. They can have excitement that matches any 8 year old around. Keeping up with this energy can be difficult at times, but it will keep things far from boring.
Their Emotions Can Fluctuate Quickly and Drastically. Since creatives tend to feel their emotions deeply, it can lead to some pretty drastic shifts in mood. Their sensitive soul is often the source of both their best creations and deepest of sufferings.
Procrastination Is Often Their Best Friend. Many creatives pride themselves on performing best when under the pressure of a timeline. The output of creative energy that a last minute rush embodies is what a creative often prides himself on. Although, this can be stressful to be on the other end of, it tends to be apart of the developing process for many creatives.
We need creative humans with all their beautiful quirk to keep the world going around and balanced. Although some of these character traits can cause issues and be difficult to be on the receiving end of, finding understanding and a successful way to approach your unique partner can result in a beautiful connection and loving partnership.
Cheers to all my creatives and those who love them.
*Above image by Amy Lynn Bjornson, Lifestyle & Wedding Photographer.