5 Tips (How to Make Better Life Choices)
Decisions, decisions. They can be so hard. I mean, which decision is "right?!"
What choice is best for me? What choice is going to be best for everyone involved? Is this choice bad? Is this choice "wrong?" Is this choice selfish? Seriously, it can be so confusing and overwhelming, especially when our decisions involve big change and impact other people.
The reality is that being human requires us to make decisions. Making no decision is a decision. I've been at points of my life where I've completely stalled because I didn't know what "the right thing to do" was. (I'm sure you can relate.) Taking time to think things through is one thing, although sitting in the grey for too long can create it's own set of issues. There's no escaping making decisions for our lives, so here are some thoughts on how to feel more confident about the decisions that are currently requesting your attention.
1. Consider the Opinion of a Legit Source
When you're on the fence about a choice, it can be beneficial to turn to a legit source who has knowing and opinions that you value. When you're contemplating a decision and someone that you respect has relevant experiences to share, keep your ears open. Want to be a doctor? Talk to a practicing physician that you enjoy who has concrete advice. Want to travel somewhere interesting? Seek out conversations with like minded adventurers who travel to destinations that excite you. Be mindful that these are outside opinions, however, when opinions come from a trusted and valued source, I considered that to be GOLD.
2. Tap Into Your Core Values
What you value acts as a compass toward making decisions that align with who you are and what you stand for. Think of each of your core values as guiding lights; lighting the path before you in the direction that's uniquely "right" for you. When you're clear about what's important to you, you'll make decisions with more ease.
Defining core values helps you get in tune with who you are and what you enjoy. Be aware that your preferences will change as you continue to grow and expand. What you once enjoyed can change over time. Sometimes it's just a habit that keeps us doing what we have always done, whether we still gain pleasure from it or not. With that said, it can be beneficial to check in with who and where you are in your life now in order to make more updated choices that honor the present you.
3. Sit on It
Some decisions require you to take a step back and get quiet in order to listen for what the right thing to do is. Allow yourself time to sit with your choices. Be mindful of external forces pushing you to make a decision before you're ready to make one. I understand that some decisions do have and need a timeline, but make sure you have some empty space so you can hear yourself without interference from the outside.
4. Feel it Out
Feel about the decisions that lay before you. That might sound weird, let me further explain.
How you feel about your life and the experiences, opportunities and people in it is huge. Sometimes you can't sum up how you feel in words, although how you feel about something never fails. The tricky part is matching how you feel with what you decide to do. It's like the feeling that surfaces when you're literally walking in the wrong direction, it just doesn't feel right. Get to know that feeling so you can identify it and act on it.
“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
How can you make good decisions if you're not aware of how you feel? By slowing down and checking in more frequently with yourself you can, overtime, become more in tune with how you feel about things vs. how you think about things. This will help you make better choices.
5. Take the Pressure Off
A quote that I always think about when I make major choices in my life is a John Burroughs quote, "Leap and the net will appear." Meaning, make a move and something will come in to support you and help direct you further. This really is how it works in life.
This quote helps me "dumb down" decision making. It takes my view on choices from a level 9 to a level 3 in scary factor. It helps me remember that the chances of me ruining my life in a single choice is a pretty extreme perspective that's going to keep me in fear and stagnant, which is scary in itself.
Take a breath, get grounded and make the best decision that you know to make in the moment that an answer is being requested. That's the best any of us can do.
Many decisions, especially major ones, come into existence because of the small choices that we're making along the way. For example, usually multiple different choices and events lead to the decision to either leave or stay in a established relationship. It's more rare to have one single event happen that changes everything.
Also, remember that most everything is temporary in life. We're going to make decisions that lead to something we don't necessarily want or like, that's part of living. However, perhaps we have to go down those mirky roads in order to get to an elevated place within ourselves and our lives. Trust this.
Hopefully, these tips spoke to you and can help you navigate your way with more confidence. Trust that when you make a move, something or someone other than you will swoop in to support you or help you get clear on which direction to go in. Although, you have to start down the path by making a choice, which will then set the flow of life in motion. Trust that the flow of life will help you navigate your way from there.
Now, get after it and make a move.....
* The above image was taken by photographer, Renata Amazonas.
Go Toward What Scares You (Tips to Work Through Fear)
Oh, fear, that thing that keeps us from what we really want. With the topic of fear coming up so often this week in the sessions with my clients, I feel moved to write about it today, so here it goes………
Fear is something we all have to face at one point or another. Some of us face it and conquer it more frequently than others. Like many things in life, the more you’re exposed to something and prove to yourself that you can “handle it,” the less “scary” it becomes.
Fear is no different.
If you live your life facing your fears, generally, you’re living a life full of taking more risks and chances without knowing how things are going to work out. The more you face fear and realize that it’s not as “scary” as your clever mind tricks you to think, the more momentum and strength you have to stand up to "fear" and do what feels true for you. When you feel and face your fears on the regular, the benefit is that more opportunities and options will come your way.
On the contrary, if you have a habit of turning away from what’s scary, that action breeds the natural consequence of having less options to pick from in the game of life. Fear can be super paralyzing. It can keep you frozen in a stagnant zone of your life. Fear keeps us bored. It leads us to feel stuck because when we're not facing something scary, we’re not going to live up to our full potential. Needless to say, this leaves us feeling unfulfilled.
You get what you give in life. Therefore, when you learn how to face scary and uncertain situations, you will be rewarded for doing so. The energy that you “put out there” will attract the result that you get back.
There seems to be a misperception that some of us are immune to fear. You may have heard someone be described as “fearless,” although, there is no such thing. The reality is that fear is a natural human emotion that we all feel and have the option to face at one point or another. When we learn to tolerate feeling fear and mindfully push it aside, while carrying on with what we want to do, we can conquer our fears. On the other hand, when fear overcomes us and swallows us up, it leaves us stuck, avoidant and leads us to live “smaller” than we’re meant to live.
I’m a HUGE believer that in order to get anywhere cool and rewarding in life, you have to do things that freak you out, scare you and make you uncomfortable. Straight up; discomfort equals growth. This concept can be counter intuitive because we’re taught early on that when something hurts or causes us pain, we should avoid it. (Sometimes, yes, this is true.) Although, with that said, I’m referring to pain that leads to growth and discomfort that leads to positive change.
This blog post is a reminder for, both me and you, to go straight toward things that are scary. There’s such big rewards in facing things that bring discomfort.
Keep me posted on what’s waiting for you on the other side of your fear. This is what I know for sure: It’s gonna be good.
* The above image was taken by San Diego based Lifestyle & Wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
*Jewelry on model by Curated Collectibles. Instagram: @handmeetssky