What I Wish I Knew in My 20's & 30's
There’s plenty of blogs directing advice to your 20 year old self. Plenty. “What I wish I knew when I was 20.” Google it.
From there, it seems to turn into posts about “What I wish I knew at 30” or “What I wish I knew Before 30” (So, again, focusing on the 20’s.)
Q: What about the rest of us?
How about the 30’s? How about the 40’s? How about some good solid tips, regardless of your age, that are designed for you to find your own version of happy? I mean, I had tons of questions and things I “wish” I knew during my 30’s. I also, currently would love to hear some feedback and advice for my 40 something year old self.
My intention for this post is to speak specifically to both the decades of the 20’s and 30’s because, well, I’ve been through both of them. I’ve fully completed, signed and sealed my 20’s and 30’s and here’s the “feedback” I have for you with being on the other side.
Regardless of your specific age or decade of dwelling, this feedback can keep your perspective healthy, free of comparison and grounded. This is directed toward ANYBODY whose in a space of doubting, stressing about or questioning their whereabouts on this journey called life.
*All my feedback comes from a well intended place. A place to maybe give you validation for what you already know or the courage to believe something different for yourself.
Here are 11 tips of healthy perspective, from me to you.
#1 STOP TRYING TO “FIGURE OUT YOUR LIFE” IN YOUR HEAD
Oh the analyzing mind. Some of us get very caught in the bad habit of trying to “figure it all out.” We plan. We stress. We worry. We live in fear of all the things not happening for us in life, so in order to pacify our fears we over control and force things into place.
If you’re finding yourself trying to “think out” what you need to do in order to get or accomplish A, B or C in your life, please stop friend. Rather, start focusing on taking small steps toward “different” actions within your daily life. Life doesn’t happen when you’re thinking and planning it out. It happens when you’re engaged, present and actually living it out.
It’s a cliche for a reason: “It will happen when you stop trying.”
Stressing about when you’re going to find the partner, have kids, get married and “find” the career for you is beyond overwhelming. It takes the joy out of the present moment when you’re spending so much time worrying about the future.
Being overly distracted with where you “want to be” will check you out of your current life. If you’re in this cycle of hyper focus on the future, you will feel stuck, frustrated, irritated, anxious and, possibly, hopeless. Those feelings are due to your inability to be present more than your actual circumstances.
It’s an extremely stressful and an unrealistic expectation to think you can “figure it all out” in your head. You can’t “figure out” your life by thinking really hard about it. However, that doesn’t stop many of us from trying. Trying to “figure out” how to meet the specific person that’s going to be our life partner. Trying to figure out how to land the “dream job.”
It takes a lifetime to get to know yourself. It’s too much pressure to feel as if you have to “figure it out” because you X age. (Also, life and your wants and desires can change as you change. This is even more of a reason to find a good balance between ease and effort as you’re on your path toward creating what you want for your life.
#2 TIMING IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYBODY (stop comparing)
Everybody has different timing and a different path and it means NOTHING negative about you. Where you’re at is not “wrong.” It’s neutral, unless you’re putting a meaning to it, either positively or negatively. Nothing is “wrong with you if your circumstances are not like (insert whoever you’re comparing yourself too.)
As you begin to embrace where you’re at in life and engage in your life, that’s when things will start to fall into place for you with more flow. In short, embrace what you have going on; all of it. Accept the parts that you feel good about and the parts that you do want to change.
Something interesting happens when we slip into the space of acceptance. Acceptance allows more calm and inner peace, which then allows us to act and behave differently. This, in turn, effects the results we get in life. More good things will keep happening for you as you melt into acceptance and surrender to the timing of events in your journey.
In order to BE in a more free flowing state, it’s important to let go of any controlled timeline of events that you might be anticipating. I’m not saying deny what you want. I want your desires to come true, just as you do. However, being more loose and open to how events and circumstances in your life are going to unfold will help you stay in a more positive headspace about it all.
Please, please, please be very mindful of the timelines that you put on yourself. They can cause a lot of suffering if not “in check.”
#3 LEARN TO LET GO OF THE PAST (it will hold you back if you don’t)
We all will come across people and experiences that will be hard to let go of for a multitude of reasons. It could be our attachment style that doesn’t let someone go. It could be our pain that doesn’t let us put a situation to rest. Regardless of what it is, it’s so important to do “the work” to release the past.
Think of it simply: holding onto anything you don’t need will take up space for something else to move in. When we feel stuck in our life and find ourselves constantly going back to “what was,” perhaps that’s a signal that there’s some healing to do. If you feel like you need some support in exploring your past, here’s a link for an article I wrote on Finding The “Right” Therapist for You.
#4 BE MINDFUL OF YOUR EXPECTATIONS (and the expectations that others put on you)
Truthfully, the more interesting people I know have not done it by the book. (This is not truth, it’s just my personal experience.) Spend time going down paths that you’re curious about, without stressing about what you think you “SHOULD” be doing instead. Be mindful of outside pressure that is suggesting for you to be something or someone different other than who you are. In other words, some people may want you to be certain things and live a life that’s not true for you. It takes a lot of self awareness and courage to go against these outside pressures, especially when the pressure is from people who we love.
Be mindful of this. Be brave enough to hold onto your truth.
#5 YOU CAN MAKE $ DOING SOMETHING YOU LOVE (believe it)
What???!!! Record scratch. Yup, I said it, despite what your parents might be telling you and despite what “they” say.
Repeat after me: “I can make money doing something I love.” It’s true folks, you can make a career out of something you’re passionate about, good at and enjoy. It could be a grand slam. Isn’t that mind blowing?
Why is that so hard to believe for some of us? Here’s a thought on why this could be so:
Our experiences growing up, the culture that we were exposed to in our family of origin coupled with what we’ve been taught and believe about success will effect what we allow ourselves to go toward.
We can get caught in other people’s expectations and put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we strictly define what success and adulthood “looks” like based on our conditioning. We are a product, to a certain extent, of what we’re from and what we were taught. For worse or better. It’s really hard to strip ourselves away from any mold that we’ve been exposed too and melted into for years of our life. However, I’m here to remind you that there are MANY “outside the box” ways to become successful, no matter who is telling you anything different. Theres’ too much proof of it in our world at this point to deny that it’s possible. I’m not saying it’s going to be a cake walk to pursue your unique career path, but your journey toward creating a career you enjoy is incredibly possible. Believe it!
With intention, desire, hard work and a vision, you can create a career that feeds your soul. Success doesn’t just come within the structured career basics. It can and it does. However, if you’re being called to go “the road less traveled” career wise, trust yourself and know that you can find a creative way to make income and be fulfilled. To sum this point up; getting creative and doing things your way can pay off.
#6 RELATIONSHIPS WILL COME & GO (and it’s natural & normal for them to do so)
Not everyone that you meet is meant to be in your life for the long haul. You could look at that as sad or upsetting and you might need to for a bit in order to properly morn the loss of some relationships that meant something to you. Although, remember that it’s true for all of us and a very normal part of life for people to come and go. It’s a very special few that make the whole journey with us. Knowing who to put your energy into at specific junctures in your life is an important skill. Also, doing your best to allow shift and change will suit you well when moving through your life and navigating through the changing times of your relationships.
Some people are incredibly important seasons. Value them for the time that you do get with them. It’s important to pay attention to the natural expiration date for some of our relationships. Surrendering to this concept and being mindful to let go of force and to allow a natural flow will help you work through the coming and going of relationships in your life.
#7 DARE TO BE DIFFERENT FROM THE CROWD (you’ll be better for it)
There’s truth around the perspective that the people who are really making waves and accomplishing incredible things in this world are true individuals. “True Individuals” meaning people who have created their own path in life and have made choices, that sometimes, could cause controversy, simply because their way is “different.”
Your voice, perspective, way of seeing the world and overall unique package is what makes you who you are. It creates the energy that the world feels and experiences of you. Being brave enough to show your authentic self to others and the world does greatly pay off if you’re courageous enough to hold that space.
Yes, it requires bravery to do this. It’s a win/win to do this and it’s worth the fight because, first and foremost, it feels amazing to openly express who you truly are without holding back. Expression because really natural and effortless when you’re not spending time worrying and anticipating “what others will think.” When there’s less blocks in the road, everything will feel better and that will be reflected in the overall result of what you create in your life. This individual way of being attracts the “right” opportunities and people to you. Like attracts like. Truth attracts truth. This is what can make life incredibly fulfilling.
Bottom line: If you’re brave enough to really show your truth, it will benefit you greatly. Dare to be different friends.
#8 GIVE LESS F’S! (you will experience much less suffering if you do so)
This is the natural next point after the latter. In order to really “do you” (boo) you have to give less credit and put less attention on who your naysayers are. Nobody in this life is going to get a green light from everyone and that’s just apart of the experience. Caring less about who doesn’t like you, for whatever reason it is that they don’t, will bring much more peace to your days. Period.
#9 LOVE HAS AN INTERESTING WAY OF FINDING YOU WHEN YOU TAP INTO SELF LOVE & ACCEPTANCE
I know, I know. We’ve heard this one 1000x: You need to love yourself before someone can love you.
When you genuinely get to a point where you have a healthy and kind relationship with your own self, that’s when your point of attraction for “big” fulfilling love has a shot at finding you.
You can attract love without a healthy level of self worth. Sure, people do it all the time. However, there’s way more room for things to go really south when you don’t tend to the most important relationship that there will ever be, which is the one between you and you.
Take the time to “get right” with yourself so you can thrive. Your ability to create rich and fulfilling relationships will also increase when your level of self love and acceptance is healthy.
#10 DON”T TAKE “ADULTING” (AND YOURSELF) TOO SERIOUSLY
Need I say more? Sometimes, we get way too serious in our role as adults and we forget how to BE light and have fun. It’s a real bummer when this happens and I’m not talking about being an irresponsible adult. I’m actually talking about being a balanced adult where you know when it’s time to step up and tend to your responsibilities balanced with knowing when to let loose and laugh. Laugh at yourself and with others.
Sit at the kids table. Go down the water slide. Jump on the trampoline. Make funny faces. See what joy you can tap back into when you just loosen up and don’t take yourself so seriously.
#11 IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK HOW YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD (and that’s not bad)
I remember my 20 year old self having it all figured out. I’m going to marry him, live there, do that as a career and have x amount of kids or dogs or houses or friends or……you get what I’m throwing down?
In a nutshell, I’ve NEVER come across a friend, acquaintance or client who has told me that their life looks exactly as they thought it would. Not saying it doesn’t exist, but if it does it’s a rarity and could be a sign that you played it really safe and within the lines of your comfort zone. Just saying.
Life is unpredictable and when you’re really living it and allowing it to take the lead it will not look as you thought it would. it just won’t. It will be bigger, louder and have less limits than you thought.
It. Just. Will.
Well, that’s that. I hope that spoke to you and gets you inspired to keep your heart, perspective and your eyes open so you can be present and make the most of this journey called LIFE. Cheers friend.
*Above image is from San Diego based photographer, Renata Amazonas taken @villapalomajoshuartree
3 Tips on How to Cope with Uncertainty
As Fall is quickly approaching, along comes the changing of the seasons. It’s so hard to image that change, as I sit here with an 80 degree summer day before me. I can’t imagine being cold and wearing my boots and skinny jeans. Although, it’s going to happen.
Some things are inevitable and just a matter of time, whether we invite and desire change for ourselves or not.
Change is a constant in life and change tends to be so utterly uncomfortable for many of us. I see this first hand with the kind of work I do. I also have and have had my own struggles with transition and change.
I’m guessing that a lot of us have dreams and desires that are difficult to envisioning happening from where we stand today. It’s a skill to be able to believe that something is coming and going to happen for us, even when there’s no glimpse of it within our present.
If you already possess this skill, good on you, if not, you can absolutely cultivate this way of thinking. As you do, the utter discomfort around HOW something is going to come into your life will begin to shift from discomfort and stress into curiosity and anticipated excitement.
For the record: This feels SO much better.
When we get stuck within the fear of the unknown, there tends to be a lot of angst around how things are going to work out.
If we’re as single as can be, we wonder, how that romantic partner is going to show up. If we’re looking to become an entrepreneur, we can become paralyzed in thinking about how our future business is going to get off the ground. We can stress, big time, about how things are going to work out in our lives. Especially when we can’t logically see (in the now) how things can possibly pan out.
When we can’t see how something is going to unfold; it’s hard for us to imagine it to be true.
This is why, we humans, love to plan and control. It gives us a (false) sense of comfort because for a limited time it allows us to feel in the drivers seat of life. (which is an illusion itself) Some of us navigate our whole lives with our hands “white knuckling it” on the steering wheel of life, forcing and controlling things to be because it makes us feel more comfortable to do so.
Just to be clear: there’s healthy management of your life, to the best of your ability given your situation and there’s controlling your life. These are two very different approaches.
I’m writing this with full transparency in saying that it’s such a struggle to not know. It’s so hard to sit in an uncomfortable space without knowing when or if it’s going to end or turn out in a positive light. We all struggle with this to some degree.
With that said, I also know that there are perspectives to digest that can help you surrender more, trust more and feel more comfortable amongst the unknown. After all, whether we want to admit it or not, we all really don’t know what lies ahead for us.
Here Are 3 Tips to Focus on When Not Knowing Is Driving You Nuts
Tap Into Your Intuition
Building your intuitive muscle will help you to better navigate the choices and decisions before you. Your intuition is your inner compass. Straight up.
Learning to focus more on how something feels rather than using your logic to figure it out is a way to drop more into your intuitive self.
I love this below quote because it points to that inner sense around change and movement that we all have, whether we pay attention to it or not.
“The moment that you feel like you can leave that place (a situation, relationship or place)… leave, because every moment you stay longer than you have to, you will become extraordinarily ordinary.”
Intuitively, we get a feeling when we’ve expanded beyond something. Paying attention to that knowing and taking an action toward changing your situation is the work. The problem with staying in something that we’ve grown out of is, …..drumroll….., that we don’t grow. Hence we stay “extraordinarily ordinary.” Getting more comfortable with change and the unknown gives us the courage to make bold moves. These moves, whether big or small, give us the momentum to expand, grow and ultimately change our lives.
Accept What Is
Just because something looks or is a certain way now, doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way. Often, in order for things to shift and change, we need to tap into accepting things as they are. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to like what’s happening, but it does require facing the reality of how things are…..for now. Acceptance has an organic way of allowing things to fall into place.
Face Your Fear
Generally speaking, if you practice facing fear regularly, meaning facing what’s a bit scary and uncomfortable on a daily basis, you’ll greatly grow in this life. Everyday we make choices and, often times, there will be decisions in your day where you have the opportunity to choose growth or stay in your comfort zone. It can be so hard to pick growth…..especially when we’re in a habit of being so comfy in our world. It’s like getting out of a warm, fabulous Cali kind bed on a cold winter’s day. It’s hard, yet it’s really beneficial to get up and face your day. Choosing the growth route is, often, not that enticing because we have to face our fear. Although, once you experience the energy that facing fear brings, you’ll see for yourself that it’s worth it. Challenging yourself really does awaken the spirit and that feels so good.
As complicated as this all can seem, it can be simple. Just as the seasons shift, it’s a shift in perspective that changes our emotions and invites less angst and discomfort when amongst the unknown of life. When fear, stress and discomfort fall away, we are left to enjoy and soak in what’s happening now.
*Above image taken by lifestyle & wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Tapping Into Your Heart Space (What Does that Even Mean?)
When you’re looking for answers, where do you look? Do you rack your mind for what’s logical? Do you try and search for what makes sense?
I understand logical, yet sometimes being so logical is what’s so limiting. Our logical minds want things to make sense, and often, things that are really beautiful and surprising in life don’t make much logical sense. Logic will be there when you need it, although I want to speak to how something, someone or somewhere makes you feel.
Keep in mind that you feel from your heart space and you think from your brain space.
How something makes you feel gives you information that’s so unique and personal. Your feelings about something are speaking to you, whether you pay attention to them or not. Your feelings have the potential to guide you, while acting as your unique personal compass.
The more you pay attention to this internal instrument of yours, the more it will strengthen and help you make good decisions for your life. It can be very valuable for you to become more aware of how you feel about things rather than how you think about things.
“We remember 10 percent of what we read, 20 percent of what we hear, 30 percent of what we see, 40 percent of what we do, and 100 percent of what we feel.”
If you’re looking for answers, what would it mean for you to start practicing the art of feeling? Your practice can start by putting more attention to how people, places and things make you feel. Get familiar with where certain feelings sit and how they feel within your physical body. For example, where does anxiety lie in your body? Where does excitement sit? As you start paying more attention to how these emotions feel in your body you will strengthen your mind/body connection, which will be an invaluable asset to you as you go through life.
FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION EXERCISE
“Wait for your intuition to lead you somewhere, to do something or to reach out to someone. As you do this, one thing after the other will start to unfold. Within this unfolding, remain open allowing yourself to continue to be lead vs. controlling the direction. (Think of having a partner lead you as you dance: two people can’t lead. It’s important to follow and allow for this to work.) Your initial intuitive action will gain momentum as you continue to act and move forward without resistance. As you keep going, in time you’ll be able to look back and see how specific situations and coincidences have lead to your current reality. ”
Following your feeling or intuition is all about noticing the urges and desires that are calling you to act. Your intuition will never fail you if you trust it and stay in the game. Staying in the game requires you to be led and follow, rather than taking control by leading while using your logical mind. Your desires will lead you somewhere interesting and unexpected, that’s for sure. They will lead you to a very different destination then where your logic will take you as you “try” to “figure things out.”
Your intuition will take you to places that you can’t think up. This is why the unexpected moments and random coincidences in life can be so moving; these moments are not planned, you often don’t see them coming, which causes them to be surprisingly refreshing and extraordinary.
Your intuition is fueled by excited, new energy. Energy that is stripped from any routine or knowing. Tap into how you feel about things rather than how you think about things. Play around with this and see where your feelings lead you. I have no doubt that it will be really interesting.
*Above Image take by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
5 Tips (How to Make Better Life Choices)
Decisions, decisions. They can be so hard. I mean, which decision is "right?!"
What choice is best for me? What choice is going to be best for everyone involved? Is this choice bad? Is this choice "wrong?" Is this choice selfish? Seriously, it can be so confusing and overwhelming, especially when our decisions involve big change and impact other people.
The reality is that being human requires us to make decisions. Making no decision is a decision. I've been at points of my life where I've completely stalled because I didn't know what "the right thing to do" was. (I'm sure you can relate.) Taking time to think things through is one thing, although sitting in the grey for too long can create it's own set of issues. There's no escaping making decisions for our lives, so here are some thoughts on how to feel more confident about the decisions that are currently requesting your attention.
1. Consider the Opinion of a Legit Source
When you're on the fence about a choice, it can be beneficial to turn to a legit source who has knowing and opinions that you value. When you're contemplating a decision and someone that you respect has relevant experiences to share, keep your ears open. Want to be a doctor? Talk to a practicing physician that you enjoy who has concrete advice. Want to travel somewhere interesting? Seek out conversations with like minded adventurers who travel to destinations that excite you. Be mindful that these are outside opinions, however, when opinions come from a trusted and valued source, I considered that to be GOLD.
2. Tap Into Your Core Values
What you value acts as a compass toward making decisions that align with who you are and what you stand for. Think of each of your core values as guiding lights; lighting the path before you in the direction that's uniquely "right" for you. When you're clear about what's important to you, you'll make decisions with more ease.
Defining core values helps you get in tune with who you are and what you enjoy. Be aware that your preferences will change as you continue to grow and expand. What you once enjoyed can change over time. Sometimes it's just a habit that keeps us doing what we have always done, whether we still gain pleasure from it or not. With that said, it can be beneficial to check in with who and where you are in your life now in order to make more updated choices that honor the present you.
3. Sit on It
Some decisions require you to take a step back and get quiet in order to listen for what the right thing to do is. Allow yourself time to sit with your choices. Be mindful of external forces pushing you to make a decision before you're ready to make one. I understand that some decisions do have and need a timeline, but make sure you have some empty space so you can hear yourself without interference from the outside.
4. Feel it Out
Feel about the decisions that lay before you. That might sound weird, let me further explain.
How you feel about your life and the experiences, opportunities and people in it is huge. Sometimes you can't sum up how you feel in words, although how you feel about something never fails. The tricky part is matching how you feel with what you decide to do. It's like the feeling that surfaces when you're literally walking in the wrong direction, it just doesn't feel right. Get to know that feeling so you can identify it and act on it.
“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
How can you make good decisions if you're not aware of how you feel? By slowing down and checking in more frequently with yourself you can, overtime, become more in tune with how you feel about things vs. how you think about things. This will help you make better choices.
5. Take the Pressure Off
A quote that I always think about when I make major choices in my life is a John Burroughs quote, "Leap and the net will appear." Meaning, make a move and something will come in to support you and help direct you further. This really is how it works in life.
This quote helps me "dumb down" decision making. It takes my view on choices from a level 9 to a level 3 in scary factor. It helps me remember that the chances of me ruining my life in a single choice is a pretty extreme perspective that's going to keep me in fear and stagnant, which is scary in itself.
Take a breath, get grounded and make the best decision that you know to make in the moment that an answer is being requested. That's the best any of us can do.
Many decisions, especially major ones, come into existence because of the small choices that we're making along the way. For example, usually multiple different choices and events lead to the decision to either leave or stay in a established relationship. It's more rare to have one single event happen that changes everything.
Also, remember that most everything is temporary in life. We're going to make decisions that lead to something we don't necessarily want or like, that's part of living. However, perhaps we have to go down those mirky roads in order to get to an elevated place within ourselves and our lives. Trust this.
Hopefully, these tips spoke to you and can help you navigate your way with more confidence. Trust that when you make a move, something or someone other than you will swoop in to support you or help you get clear on which direction to go in. Although, you have to start down the path by making a choice, which will then set the flow of life in motion. Trust that the flow of life will help you navigate your way from there.
Now, get after it and make a move.....
* The above image was taken by photographer, Renata Amazonas.
A Licensed Therapist's 5 Truths to a Life Worth Living
1. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
Isn’t that the freaking truth? Body, mind, heart & soul. They all need your attention friends. Your body needs movement. Your mind needs stimulation. Your heart needs love and connection and your soul needs to feel fulfilled.
2. When something hurts, stop and listen.
I mean this on various levels; physically, mentally and emotionally. Our pain is speaking to us. Our job is to pay attention and to decode what it's trying to tell us. If something is hurting, whether it be your physical body or heart; stop, listen and give yourself some space to work it out. Take time to ground and allow the message that wants your attention to come through.
3. Learn to Sit With Silence.
Sometimes there’s nothing to say. Learning to sit in silence and not fill the space, both verbally and externally will help you stay more clear and centered. When you're not trying to fill the space, it’s always interesting to witness what comes up to fill it besides you.
4. Practice Trusting That Life is Happening as IT Should.
Things have an interesting way of working out if you can genuinely remove yourself from the drivers seat of your life. Like anything in life, when you let go of holding on so tight, things have a way of falling into their own natural rhythm.
5. When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them The First Time.
This is an Oprah statement that really resonated with me. It’s so easy to validate and create a story that excuses negative behavior of the people around us. On the flip side, when someone who you don’t know well or at all, really shows up for you in a positive way, that’s important to pay attention to as well. People are constantly showing us who they are via the way they treat us and others and through their actions. Who you let into your life is a big deal. Pay attention to the character of others.
Cheers.
* Image taken by Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How To Cope During Difficult Times
Learning to pick yourself up after going through a difficult time is a life skill that is learned. Some of us had the good fortune of being surrounded with people who modeled healthy ways of coping during hard times in life; while others of us didn't. Usually our family, friends and other impactful people of our past is who we looked to in order to know what to do during hard times. For better or for worse.
For the record, just like any skill, you can learn techniques and perspectives that will help you pass through the hard stuff with more ease. It's a matter of trying different coping skills on and exploring which ones work for you.
Here's a couple perspectives for you to revisit or try on when life throws you a tricky obstacle.
Express Yourself
Talk to the people in your life whom you trust and who can hold space for you to just BE. Feeling listened to is beyond healing. Writing is another great way to explore, process and release feelings. Do what you know to do in order to express your emotions.
Move Your Body
Your mind and body are connected. Moving your physical body around can help your emotions cycle and push through.
Give Yourself Space
Give yourself space and time to allow the challenge to be processed. Think of your mind as a computer needing to download a heavy file. When our life experiences are dense in emotions, it's important for us to allow time and space for our feelings to be processed.
Focus on Your Needs
It's always important to consider yourself, although, this is especially true when you're experiencing a difficult challenge in your life. Do your best to focus on what you need. Give yourself space to push other people out of your bubble, even if just for a couple minutes, in order to get in tune with what you need.
Breathe
When all else fails; Breathe friends. Focus on your breath. Use your breath to focus you back into the present. Pay attention to where your breath is coming from in your body. Is your breathing shallow (coming from your chest) or stomach? I can always tell when clients are worked up and anxious because they come in breathing and talking from their chest. Their voice is higher pitched and fast. You want your breath to come from your stomach, not your chest. Use your breath to help soothe you. Use the rhythm of your breath to calm and help ground you.
These are a few quick tips that I hope can give you something to grab onto when you don't know how to cope. As much as hard times challenge us, they also push us to grow in ways that are beyond what we think we're capable of.
This is the silver lining of the difficult times.
* Image by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.