Stop Overthinking (Tips to Get You Out of Your Head)

An analytical mind can be one of the greatest gifts that we possess. A questioning mind is a breeding place for depth and provokes thoughtful insights. It can fuel our introspection, which leads to deep self awareness and rich results in our lives.

On the other hand, when a positive quality is used incorrectly, it can work against us and this is so with the topic of analyzing. Too much analyzing is, straight up, exhausting, can cause confusion and leads to crazy making. It’s linked to anxiety because constant analyzing pushes us toward excessive worry.

There’s a balance point to honor for those of us who have an analytical mind. When our mind is racing and frantic with stories based on assumptions versus facts, we’re not using our minds to help us thrive. When we’re stuck in “worst case scenario thinking” our mind is working against us, not for us. 

So, when we’re trapped in our heads, how do we gain control in order to feel more at peace?

Here are some suggestions in order to calm a busy mind.

Focus on Fact

Facts point toward the truth of the matter.

A sure fire path toward a false sense of reality is to take action based on assumptions rather than facts. The bottom line is that assumptions are not based on facts, they’re based on our (often creative, although false) stories of how we perceive something to be true. Assumptions are based around our own belief systems and experiences, for better or for worse.

A huge grounding force for the analytical mind is to check in with yourself and take the time to assess whether your emotions and reactions are based around “facts” rather than your “story” of what you believe to be happening. (Did you get that? I know it can be wordy and confusing.) When we get into the habit of deciphering between what’s a fact vs. a story we can start to respond to the circumstances of our lives in a more leveled manner.

Look to Nature

Surround yourself with natural elements. 

Nature and the organic process of the elements do not try to happen, they just are. A wave doesn’t try to break. A tree doesn’t try to grow. A flower doesn’t try to bloom. Nature just is. The process of nature is not forced. It’s a cycle with a natural flow that doesn’t require any sort of force. There’ s so much to learn from nature. As elementary as the above all sounds, we humans get caught up by trying to “figure out” and “fix” problems in our life. Nature provides a great reminder for us to allow, let flow and let go of control. Often times, the job will get done far more efficiently when we learn to allow a situation to cycle through without our added force.

Connect to Your Body

Connect back into your body. 

Use your physical being in whatever way that suites you to bridge the mind/body connection. Get up and get moving. Discover what form of physical movement leads you to connect into your body. It’s so important that you find what this is for you. If you're looking to be an overall balanced person, you cannot deny your physical body adequate movement. This could and should be enjoyable. It doesn’t need to feel like a drag. If it does, then my guess is that you haven’t found what type of activity is a good fit for you. It’s out there, keep trying. Physical movement can help with getting you out of your head and back into your body.

Practice Being Present

Get present by getting out of your head and tapping into your heart. 

How do you get present you ask?  

Breath deep, feel the air going into your nose and out of your mouth. Focus on the moment at hand and become engaged with the now. As you move forward with your day, do your best to fully BE in your experience. Look people directly in the eye, focus on the conversation your having by listening deeply rather than thinking about what you’re going to say next. Get immersed into the song your listening too. Taste the food your eating. Feel and hear the elements around you. Step fully and deeply into what is happening around you now. Get out of your mind regarding the past and the future and center in the now by focusing on what’s happening presently.

Put the reins on that analytical mind of yours. Life is much better when you’re navigating it from your heart rather than your head.

* The above image was taken by Amy Bjornson, San Diego Photographer.

Lost Love (How to Cope With A Lost Connection)

I believe that there’s so much to grow and learn from gifted by the people who are presented to us in life. Some people come into our experience for a hot second and others are here to stay for the long haul. My logical mind understands that some relationships are in our lives for a limited time. Meaning, the relationship teaches us a lesson or two, then exits. Sometimes we're able to accept the come and go of a particular relationship and other times it’s difficult to let go and get beyond the disappointment of the loss. (This article is more geared toward the loss of a relationship that exits because of a loss of connection, not a death.)

People coming in and out of our lives is a reality, but what do we do when the exit of a specific someone causes a lot of pain, confusion and discomfort? 

I can speak for myself with saying that letting go of relationships, whether it be friendships or intimate love, and moving forward has been a challenge for me. Simply said, when I love and let someone in, I love hard and it hurts to let go. I've had relationships that have touched me to my core that are no longer in my life. This has lead to confusion, questions, pain and stagnation at points of my life. Learning to let go and allow a connection to exit our lives in a healthy way can be a challenge for some of us. As I mentioned earlier, I know it has been for me.

This begs the question of, “How Do I Move On and Let Go?”  Here are some suggestions on where to start looking in order to find more acceptance around the loss of a significant connection.

Look to Your Childhood

We learned how to cope with loss and pain in our younger years, for better or worse. Meaning, we either learned healthy or unhealthy ways to deal with loss. Learning to move forward and gain acceptance around break ups and lost connections can benefit us greatly. Needless to say, some of us didn’t learn how to do this and it remains to hold us up in our adult lives. A sign that there's some work to do around this can be identified by feeling stuck in the past or ruminating about a particular person or relationship to the point of unhealthy. Regardless of where you stand with this, you can recreate and form a healthy relationship with letting go if you have the desire to do so.

Questions for self reflection:

What did you learn about love and letting go from the relationships you had with your parents? What did your parents model in regards to love and letting go? 

Point the Finger Back to You

When a relationship ends, its common for pain and discomfort to come up, especially if it was a strong connection. Although, when pain continues to linger in a way that borders unhealthy, it’s important to start looking inward.

In this space, where pain and hurt are coming up surrounding a loss, it’s important to realize that it’s not really about the other person. This is shocking, right? After all, it feels SO about them and the lack of their unique presence in our life. I get it. I’ve been there, so let me explain further. 

Obviously, to an extent, it is about them. However, that’s the surface issue. If you dig deeper, the intense pain that we feel is more about what we learned or didn’t learn about letting go and moving forward in our past. Our extreme pain or stagnation can also be stemming from an unhealthy level of self love. When we don't love ourselves it's a "go to" to focus on someone outside of ourselves. Taking the focus off the person who left and shifting it back our way to do some inward work is a required step in order to begin building a healthy way of coping with loss.

Gain a New Perspective Around Letting Go

Getting caught in a negative perspective around letting go can keep us from genuinely connecting and allowing in connection.

Putting energy toward forming a new perspective around letting go can cause a significant shift with how we experience people moving in and out of our lives. For example, trusting the timing of which people come in and exit, whether we agree with it or not, can help us feel more settled. Generally, putting more trust in the natural ebb and flow of people entering and leaving our lives can unleash us from thinking something should be different. Letting go can still cause discomfort, that's a given to some extent. Although, when we can find acceptance and positive perspective around a loss, it can help to cushion the blow.

The past connections that moved and taught us can never be taken away from us. Simply said; What happened happened. Our past and the people who played roles in our lives have played a part in who we have become. Generally speaking, in life, when we learn to let go before we can see what is ahead of us, something really interesting happens. Life hooks us up and opens doors for the new. New experiences, connections, people and places.  This is not to take away from what was. Rather, it’s to be “in addiction to” the cool story of our lives that is continually unfolding.

* The above image was taken by Amy Bjornson, San Diego Photographer.

How Nature is Healing (4 Explanations)

If you’re going through a difficult time, finding yourself more stressed than normal or just need to get back to feeling like you, I would point you toward immersing yourself in nature.

I’m a huge believer that nature heals. I say this on multiple levels: physically, mentally and emotionally. I know that this is no surprise to hear nor anything that hasn’t been supported by science or heard before, but I just feel compelled to write about the importance of connecting to the natural elements.

Here is why:

Get Quiet

Disconnecting from the noise and demands of your everyday life and planting yourself in nature provides the kind of quiet where you have the opportunity to ground and hear your own self. Surrounding yourself with the sounds and natural flow of nature offers you the opportunity to sink into your inner world and hear your intuition with more ease. 

Ground Down

Feel the earth beneath your feet. Take off your shoes and ground down into the soil of the earth. Your skins contact with the earth can be rooting. A great visual exercise to practice when your bare feet make contact with the ground is to imagine roots growing out of the bottoms of your feet and anchoring down in the soil below. This visualization can literally help you feel more grounded in your life.

There is Something Bigger Than You

Listening to the sounds of the animals, the wind, feeling the sun or the rain on your skin and watching the movement of life provides reminders that there is something bigger than you at play. Often, when we’re caught up in the "busyness" of our own lives, we can become consumed by our own thoughts and become off balance. The realization that we're being supported by something bigger; something outside of ourself can help us to get out of our own way. 

There is a Natural Flow

Onlooking nature invites us to witness the cycle of life that is always in forward motion. Something has to die in order for something to live. Ones ending is another’s beginning. These are concepts that also apply to our life as humans. It can be hard to believe in the natural flow of our own lives. Especially when things aren’t flowing as we would like them too. When we get caught in our own agenda about when and how events should be happening to and for us, we create a lot of suffering. Nature reminds us to let go and let flow. 

With that said……go jump in the ocean, go hiking in the mountains, count the stars, look at the moon, feel the sun, listen to the morning birds, get out there in one way or another and experience the healing energy of nature.

* The image was taken in by Amy Lynn Bjornson.

Go Toward What Scares You (Tips to Work Through Fear)

Oh, fear, that thing that keeps us from what we really want. With the topic of fear coming up so often this week in the sessions with my clients, I feel moved to write about it today, so here it goes………

Fear is something we all have to face at one point or another. Some of us face it and conquer it more frequently than others. Like many things in life, the more you’re exposed to something and prove to yourself that you can “handle it,” the less “scary” it becomes. 

Fear is no different. 

If you live your life facing your fears, generally, you’re living a life full of taking more risks and chances without knowing how things are going to work out. The more you face fear and realize that it’s not as “scary” as your clever mind tricks you to think, the more momentum and strength you have to stand up to "fear" and do what feels true for you. When you feel and face your fears on the regular, the benefit is that more opportunities and options will come your way.

On the contrary, if you have a habit of turning away from what’s scary, that action breeds the natural consequence of having less options to pick from in the game of life. Fear can be super paralyzing. It can keep you frozen in a stagnant zone of your life. Fear keeps us bored. It leads us to feel stuck because when we're not facing something scary, we’re not going to live up to our full potential. Needless to say, this leaves us feeling unfulfilled.

You get what you give in life. Therefore, when you learn how to face scary and uncertain situations, you will be rewarded for doing so. The energy that you “put out there” will attract the result that you get back.  

There seems to be a misperception that some of us are immune to fear. You may have heard someone be described as “fearless,” although, there is no such thing. The reality is that fear is a natural human emotion that we all feel and have the option to face at one point or another. When we learn to tolerate feeling fear and mindfully push it aside, while carrying on with what we want to do, we can conquer our fears. On the other hand, when fear overcomes us and swallows us up, it leaves us stuck, avoidant and leads us to live “smaller” than we’re meant to live. 

I’m a HUGE believer that in order to get anywhere cool and rewarding in life, you have to do things that freak you out, scare you and make you uncomfortable. Straight up; discomfort equals growth. This concept can be counter intuitive because we’re taught early on that when something hurts or causes us pain, we should avoid it. (Sometimes, yes, this is true.) Although, with that said, I’m referring to pain that leads to growth and discomfort that leads to positive change.

This blog post is a reminder for, both me and you, to go straight toward things that are scary. There’s such big rewards in facing things that bring discomfort. 

Keep me posted on what’s waiting for you on the other side of your fear. This is what I know for sure: It’s gonna be good.

* The above image was taken by San Diego based Lifestyle & Wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.

*Jewelry on model by Curated Collectibles. Instagram: @handmeetssky

How to Tap Into a More Confident You

Who doesn’t want to be confident? 

Walking through this world, confident, believing that we’re deserving and capable of great things can greatly improve our lives. Confidence is attractive. It allows us to feel capable and helps us to trust in our abilities with more ease. It lessens self doubt and gives us the courage to make choices that push us outside our comfort zone. The confidence that we exude attracts what opportunities and people come our way.  Confidence gives us the courage to stay true to our boundaries, allowing us to stay in alignment with our true desires. Our confidence level is correlated with how others treat us.

Confidence is not always bold and obvious. It could be, yet it’s often quiet and graceful. This is why confidence is so alluring. There’s an artful balance point where grace and confidence meet. The work we all have before us is to shed the blocks that lead us toward insecurity and build upon our natural essence.

You can observe confidence by noting the quiet listener in a room. A person who doesn’t need the attention on them because their energy and presence is known by their ability to listen and truly hear another. When you’re confident, you're not clawing for attention and validation from outside yourself. Confidence brings a powerful energy.

It’s light, refreshing and attractive. It’s not loud; it’s powerful in a subtle way.

So, how can you gain confidence?

Confidence is an organic result of fully accepting who you are, where you are and what you’re about.

How do you hone your unique confidence?

You practice and work toward accepting yourself…..as you are…..now. 

Not when you achieve this or that. Not when you have attained this or that, whether it be a relationship, material object, job title, what have you. Simply, now. When you get to a point within yourself where you can enjoy and accept where and who you are in the present, that’s where self acceptance lives. 

Accepting yourself for who you are, imperfections and all, is worth working on. When you weed through the noise of your inner world and ditch the garbage that is holding you back from fully seeing and accepting yourself, LIFE IS BETTER. You will feel lighter, more grounded and more joyful.

Remember, it’s not the destination; it’s the journey. Enjoy it more, now, by allowing yourself to be where you're at without judgement or the pressure that you “should” be elsewhere. 

Cheers.

* Image by San Diego based photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.

Words to Allow Your Life to Unfold (With Less Stress)

So often, we get hung up on “how” things, experiences and circumstances are going to unfold in our lives. Getting caught in the “how” something is going to evolve is what can lead us to shut down and avoid going further with an idea. After all, it’s overwhelming to know that you want something and, at the same time, have no clue how to attain it. 

When the way is not paved, it can be really intimidating. Generally speaking, us humans like to know what lies ahead. When we don’t, we can become very nervous, scared and anxious about “what’s next.” When we spend more time stressing about not knowing, paired with creating negative predictions about what we think will be, we are definitely going in an anxiety provoking direction. Anxiety and fear about our life blocks us from taking positive action toward creating our dreams.

This is suffering more than need be.

The truth is that you’re not supposed to know the exact step by step process of how your wants, desires and dreams are going to evolve and come into your life. It’s common to have no clue where to start when a dream is just a mere thought. When you can trust the fact that you're not supposed to know and believe that your work is to stay open and follow your natural instincts and curiosities, the pressure to figure it all out will subside.

The reality is that, dreams are not linear.

What does this mean?

This means that how a dream and life unfolds is a very magical process. It’s art. It’s not to be controlled or sequential. It’s not to be scripted. A dream usually evolves in a way better than you could imagine. When you can wrap your head around this, believe it and allow it to lead, you will feel less fear and discomfort around not knowing how things are going to pan out.

Some things do require a specific step by step process, although, dreams do not. 

Committing to the perspective that the unknown of the “how” is a good and interesting part of life is key toward reducing your fear about the future. Realize that when you take away the components of excitement and adventure that come with the unknown, you take away a piece of life that keeps us curious, growing and interested.

So, how are we supposed to tolerate not knowing the how? 

With acceptance and understanding that we’re not supposed to know how our dreams, desires and goals are going to unfold, we can experience more peace. Our work is to tolerate the nervous discomfort of the unknown, (until we become more comfortable with it) allow ourself to be led by our curiosity and do our best to believe that things will work out.

When you learn to switch your perspective and begin to believe that the unknown road ahead can be seen as exciting and filled with possibilities, instead of scary and dangerous, life has the potential to get really interesting.

So often in life things don’t unfold in the way you believe that they will or should. This is why life is an adventure. Instead of using this knowledge to freak you out, use it to empower you toward trusting in something bigger. Trust in life. Start believing that life has your back. 

It truly does…..

 *Image by Amy Lynn Bjornson, San Diego based Photographer.

Owning Your Creativity (3 Ways to Tap In)

YOU ARE a creative being, whether you believe that or not.

It always blows me away when I hear the statement, “I’m not creative.” 

It always makes me think: Why do so many people reject and disown their creativity? How is a human being not creative? 

I get it, we’re all wired differently, and some of us are not working with our hands, painting masterpieces or dress super hipster.  Although, aren’t there several different ways and paths to unleash creativity? Doesn’t creativity come in many different packages? 

I think there are and I think it does.

Just because you aren’t choosing to spend your career or time investing in your creativity, doesn’t mean that you lack the creative gene.

I believe that creativity comes with the package labeled human being; In other words, apart of being human is being creative. The time, focus, energy and how much of a priority that you make to invest in your creativity is what can allow it to blossom. There are so many ways to express your own individual creativity. Don’t get caught in the story that you need to work in a creative field, grind out creative product on the regular, or invent your own brand in order to be considered creative. 

You are creative. Again, It’s more a matter of whether you’ve invested the time and energy to tap into your unique creativity or not. 

If you’re feeling that you would like to awaken your creativity, here are 3 ideas to get your juices flowing:

1. Play ; Please still play. 

Just recently I was watching my little cousin have an imagined sword fight against some dude in Starwars in his front yard. It was amazing. The sound effects alone made me smile from ear to ear. He was in his own creative zone, 100%. 

What happens so often, is that we get older, more “busy” and sucked into the “adult world.” Blah. Don’t get me wrong, the adult world doesn’t need to be blah, but in order to avoid feeling bored and unfulfilled, we are responsible for bringing more fun and play into our lives.

In order to bring more excitement into your world, tap into what play means for you. Get back in tune with the childhood you by looking through old pictures of yourself to remind the adult you what your interests were. Just for experimentation purposes, go there. Meaning, watch your favorite flick from the old school days, play nintendo, go ice skating, ride a bike, eat cotton candy, make a ginger bread house, eat gummy worms; Do something that taps you back into your playful childlike self.

2. Invent a New Story

Please stop telling yourself that you’re not creative. In order to allow your creativity to come out of hiding, you must create a new story. Even if you’ve convinced yourself that, really, you’re not creative, make the small choice to stop yourself from screaming it in conviction from the mountain top. Allow the thought to come up and pass without consistently reinforcing that it's true.  When the thought pops up, acknowledge it and let it go. The words you speak about yourself are very powerful, so be mindful of what you put out there. 

As you practice this, begin to explore what the real facts about you are. You can uncover these facts by answering some questions.

For instance:

Is it true that you have never had a good idea?

Is it true that you have never done anything in your whole entire lifetime that wasn’t kind of interesting or cool?

I’m going to go out on a limp here and pretty much guarantee, that if your alive and human, you've had countless cool ideas and interesting thoughts. Start telling yourself that story. That’s the truth. Find a new story and a new truth to believe in about your creativity that serves you. A more truthful and factual story can be; “I haven’t been taking the time to be creative” or “It’s not a priority for me to invest in my creativity” rather than “I’m so not a creative person.”  Whether these statements are true for you or not, they are examples of more factual statements vs. judgements about your creative abilities.

3. Rediscover Your Inner Peter Pan

My intention with encouraging you to tap into your inner Peter Pan is for you to reconnect with your childlike self. I’m encouraging you to look at what it would mean for you to reconnect to the fun, imaginative and magical side of you. What would it mean for you to believe, get involved, let go, loosen up and get lost in a story? 

Lets take a moment to reflect back to the world that was filled with Easter Bunnies, Leprechauns walking on rainbows toward pots of gold, fairy Godmothers granting wishes and friendly elves making us presents all year long in the North Pole. Point being; Life was magical when we were young. All sorts of rad little people existed in our hearts and minds.

When we were young, our creativity and imaginations were supported strongly by the world. Then, one particular day, or, perhaps over time, things changed and it was “time to be an adult.” Whatever that means. How about the contrast of being a responsible adult, who is doing kick ass things? A person with a solid balance between responsibility and play.

I’m convinced that life is much more enjoyable when we regularly tap into our playful and fun side. If you don’t even know where to begin with reintroducing this side of yourself, put yourself around kids. They’re awesome teachers by showing us how to reconnect with creativity and imagination because they believe. Before the world exposed us to some difficult realities, it was easier for us to believe. Do your best to find your unique balance of fun and play paired with managing your adult responsibilities. This balance exists. It’s just a matter of rediscovering it.

Enjoy the process of bringing back some magic to your world. Put back on those rose colored glasses to an extent, so you can see that there is some magic in this world. I’m not urging you to go back to believing that Santa is real, but allow yourself to get lost in the excitement and fun of believing, imagination and creativity. Why not?

* The above image was taken by Amy Lynn Bjornson, San Diego Photographer.