Liminal Space Explained: Why You Feel Lost (and How to Move Through It)
“Feeling lost” is often what happens when you’re in a liminal space — that in-between zone where you’re no longer who or where you were, but not yet who or where you’re becoming. It’s an empty stretch full of uncertainty and the unknown, which makes it deeply uncomfortable — and, not to mention, easy to want to avoid.
Walking through liminal space can feel like moving through a pitch-dark room. You can’t see what’s ahead, and you’re not quite sure where you are — often leaving you hesitant, and searching for something solid to land on.
Let’s talk about liminal space
In psychology, we call liminal space a threshold state: a pause, a transition, a space that can feel uncertain, uncomfortable and even disorienting.
It tends to show up during big shifts — ending a relationship, changing careers, outgrowing an identity, healing from a former version of yourself. It’s the space between the old story and the new one — it rarely comes with a roadmap and often comes with a feeling of lost.
Liminal space is deeply uncomfortable for many — so much so that people often make choices or take action not because it feels aligned, but simply to escape the discomfort. Anything to get out of the vast unknown and move on, even if it’s not quite right.
Why it matters for mental wellness:
Liminal spaces challenge our sense of control, certainty, and self
They can trigger anxiety or grief — but they also invite the good stuff; self-reflection, redefinition, and transformation
what it can feel like
Liminal space can feel like floating, with nothing solid beneath you to land on. Everything familiar has fallen away, and the new hasn’t arrived yet. This is often when panic sets in. If the present doesn’t look or feel like what you imagined it should — then what direction are you even supposed to go in?
The questions start to spin and overwhelm us: Where do I go? What do I do? What action should I take?
And yet... no clear answers come.
Within this space you might feel restless, anxious, ungrounded — lost.
This is a point where many of us stop choosing intentionally and, instead, choose from a place of scarcity and fear.
But here’s the truth: this space isn’t empty. It’s full of potential. It’s where deep growth takes root — if you allow it.
“what is familiar is not always right.” -Brianna Wiest
The real truth is that feeling lost every now and then is normal. It’s actually a key part of becoming.
Can liminal space last for years?
Yes, it’s possible—and deeply human—to have a long liminal phase. Sometimes these "in-between" spaces aren’t just bridges from one chapter to another. They are the chapter. A long one has the potential to provide many valuable lessons to be learned and experienced if you can see it that way. Lessons can be learned when you use the in-between space to pause, reflect and heal, (if need be) so you can move forward.
Is it “normal” to feel like I’ve been in “in between” for years?
Is it normal? Well, it’s not common. But yes, “normal” for those of us who are seekers.
“Seekers,” as in people who tend to have a heightened sense of:
Emotional intelligence
Creative sensitivity
Spirituality
Authenticity; meaning people who are unwilling to fake their way into “belonging”
It tends to be more common for people with these traits to spend time in liminal spaces-which doesn’t necessarily mean stagnation or that something is “wrong.”
It can be a sign of an inner truth — that you’re not willing to conform just to move forward.
In all reality, it takes real courage to walk the road less traveled, to listen to the inner callings of what feels right instead of checking off life’s boxes at the so-called “right time.”
Those who can tolerate the unknown — who are willing to sit in uncertainty and trust what they can’t yet see — will likely find themselves in liminal spaces more often than most.
how to move through it
The key is to stop forcing clarity and start practicing trust. Let go of the need to fix or fast-forward.
Instead: Feel. Listen. Wait. (your new mantra)
This space asks you to slow down, to stay present, and to let the lessons rise on their own timing. See my post on slow living here if you need some direction on how to embrace slow and more intentional in order to gain clarity.
Practicing an empowering narrative such as: I’m not broken and I might feel lost, but maybe I’m not as lost as I think. Maybe I’m just becoming. Maybe this is just the stuck before the new chapter.
It reminds me of the quote:
“You necessarily have to be lost before you’re found.” - T. Scott McLeod
This suggests the idea that the feeling of being lost is often the necessary precursor to self-discovery, transformation and to the world “on the other side.”
If you’re in that in-between right now, offer yourself grace. You don’t need all the answers today-who really ever has all the answers anyway?-nobody. For now, just stay close to yourself as you move through it — one breath and one moment at a time.
for those feeling lost
maybe you’re not just waiting—you’re pausing.
maybe you’re not just alone—you’re aware.
maybe you’re not aimless—you’re between identities.
Let’s review:
At the end of the day, remember, feeling lost is often a sign that you’re in between spaces — experiencing liminality, a psychological threshold where old structures no longer fit, and the new ones haven’t yet taken form.
Knowing why you’re feeling so aimless, so stuck, so lost can, ultimately, help you move through it with more ease + flow. Carry on my friends. One step at a time
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
Want more reflections like this?
Subscribe to my IAMWELL Newsletter to receive grounded mental-health insights, somatic reflections, and friendly reminders to support a life rooted in slow living, wellbeing, and mind-body connection.
Curious about working together?
You’re welcome to book a brief, free consultation call — we can explore whether we feel aligned in working together. (Reach out HERE.)
Have thoughts or reflections?
Feel free to comment or share — I’d truly love to hear what this brought up for you.
Let’s stay connected. You can find me on Instagram at @IAMKIMEGEL
*Above image by visual artist, Amy Lynn Bjornson
Rumination vs. Anxiety (Symptoms, Explanations and Practices to Help)
It could seem as though rumination is just a fancy word for anxiety, yet in the world of mental health, they're closely related, but not the same thing.
This post goes over the differences between rumination and anxiety, so you can better understand what’s happening if you struggle with either of these mental health issues. I also will break down whole body health ways to eliminate these reactions so you can break free from the self imposed prison that these behaviors put us in.
Rumination is when your mind keeps going over the same thoughts on a mental loop that can feel impossible to have control over. The thoughts that we repeat are usually negative ones—like replaying a conversation or worrying about what you should have done.
Anxiety is excessive worry about the future or fear of what might happen. Anxiety can show up very physically via the body with symptoms like a racing heart, tension, or restlessness.
A quick tip to help you decipher between the two is, rumination is more reflective (past-focused), while anxiety is more anticipatory (future-focused). One can build upon another in the sense that people with anxiety tend to ruminate more, and rumination can increase anxious feelings.
2 types of ruminating
Reflective Rumination; evaluating. asking why; trying to figure it out
Brooding; comparison. comparing your situation with an expected, conventional or self imposed standard that you have not achieved.
why do i ruminate?
People start to ruminate for a mix of psychological, emotional, and sometimes biological reasons. In all reality rumination is an unconscious habit, not something people choose. In a nutshell, it’s an ineffective way that we try to manage distress.
#1 False Belief: Some think ruminating will lead to answers or “more control” over a specific situation, even though it rarely does. You think that if you think hard enough and figure out how to “fix it”; you then will find the answer and “solve the problem” leading to resolution.
This is actually where I witness many people grasp for control, manipulate situations to get their way and, ultimately, self destruct.
Here are some common reasons why we ruminate:
Unresolved trauma or conflict: The mind keeps looping, trying to "solve" or make sense of past pain.
Perfectionism: Believing that obsessively reviewing actions or decisions can help to avoid making mistakes.
Low self-esteem: When we don’t feel good about ourselves we carry around a lot of self doubt which can lead us to dwell on perceived inadequacies or failures.
Anxiety or depression: Both of these mental health conditions promote overthinking and worry.
Lack of coping skills: When healthier tools aren’t available, the brain defaults to rumination.
Unmet emotional needs: The mind may revisit painful situations as a way to seek resolution or understanding.
symptoms of rumination:
Persistent overthinking about past events or mistakes
Inability to let go of a specific worry or thought
Replaying conversations or scenarios in your head
Feeling stuck in negative thought cycles
Increased anxiety or sadness as a result of overthinking
Difficulty sleeping due to mental looping
Trouble focusing on the present moment or daily tasks
Seeking reassurance excessively, yet still feeling unsettled
Self-criticism or guilt that feels hard to shake
Physical tension, like headaches or muscle tightness from stress
I can’t tell you how many clients have come to me that have been deeply struggling with anxiety and or rumination all their lives without realizing that this way of being was negative; they just thought it was a normal way to feel and be. They didn’t realize that it was an unhealthy way that they’ve been trying to manage their stress and discomfort. With some education around what healthy vs. unhealthy coping looks like, they were able to acknowledge that the uncontrollable thinking and doom predicting was lowering the quality of their lives and creating a lot of internal suffering.
When we’ve “always” been a certain way we don’t know that anything could or should be different. Our homeostasis is what we consider to be “normal;” for worse or for better.
know thy enemy:
We can’t heal or course correct something that we don’t have awareness around. We can’t heal something that we actively choose to avoid or can’t see the truth of.
Simply said; you can’t fix something that you don’t think is broken. For that reason, here are some common and (sneaky) symptoms that can be due to your anxiety.
Let’s Talk Anxiety
why do i have anxiety?
People develop anxiety for a mix of reasons—biological, psychological, and environmental. Here are some key factors:
Genetics: Anxiety can run in families; some people are more biologically wired to be anxious.
Brain chemistry: Imbalances in neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and GABA can heighten anxiety.
Childhood experiences: Overly critical environments, trauma, or unpredictability early in life can wire the nervous system for hypervigilance.
Stress overload: Chronic stress (work, relationships, finances) can trigger or worsen anxiety.
Personality traits: Highly sensitive, perfectionistic, or people-pleasing types are more prone to develop anxiety over time.
Learned behavior: Growing up around anxious caregivers can internalize anxious coping patterns.
Lack of safety or control: Situations where people feel powerless or unsupported often spark anxiety.
Medical conditions: Thyroid issues, heart problems, or hormonal shifts can mimic or cause anxiety symptoms.
At its core, anxiety is the body’s alarm system stuck in “high alert” mode.
symptoms of anxiety:
trouble concentrating or making decisions
feeling irritable, tense or restless
experiencing nausea or abdominal distress
having heart palpitations
sweating, trembling or shaking
trouble sleeping
having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom
constant worry
“what if” thoughts
lack of concentration
ruminative thoughts
less obvious symptoms of anxiety:
indecision
stagnation in your life
lack of control of your life; life happens to you vs. you making clear choices about your life.
avoidance of situations or people that will trigger your anxiety
Action: the antidote to anxiety
what action does:
it helps you feel in control of what you can be in control of.
it helps you take an active role in your life where you’re engaging in creating your future instead of sitting in stagnation waiting for “it” to happen to you.
it helps you become more present.
whole body health ways toward healing
BODY
massage: helps shift your body out of "fight-or-flight" (sympathetic) mode and into "rest-and-digest" (parasympathetic) mode. This leads to: Lowered heart rate, slower breathing, decreased blood pressure and a sense of calm and safety.
cold exposure: known to reset the nervous system by “shocking” your system into presence, then settling it. Cold exposure can also helps you face and work through discomfort.
exercise: balances brain chemistry, reduces stress hormones, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, interrupts the anxiety thought loop (gets you put of your head), improves sleep, increases your levels of energy and confidence and helps you to emotionally regulate.
breath work: breath work activates the parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest). Slow, deep breathing sends a biological signal to your body: “You are safe.”
*I really like practicing box breathing because it’s so simple. I start by closing my eyes and visualizing making a square in my mind with my breathe then:
Inhale – 4 seconds (Slowly breathe in through your nose, filling your lungs completely.)
Hold – 4 seconds (Pause at the top of your breath. Stay still and relaxed.)
Exhale – 4 seconds (Gently breathe out through your mouth or nose, emptying your lungs fully.)
Hold – 4 seconds (repeat for 2-3 minutes)
MIND
affect labeling: name what you feel by putting your emotions into words. “Name it to tame it.”- Dr. Dan Siegel
ex: "I'm feeling anxious, and that's okay.”
cognitive reframing: helps to challenge and shift negative thoughts.
ex: Ask: “Is this thought helpful or true?”
grounding techniques: helps to anchor your mind in the present, which disrupts anxious thought loops.
practice: 5-4-3-2-1 method: name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste
thought stopping: interrupts anxiety loops by, literally, stopping the thought.
ex: Say “Stop” (silently or aloud)
mindfulness & meditation: mindfulness trains your brain to observe thoughts without attaching to them.
practice: 5–10 minutes of focused awareness (on breath, sound, or body) can help reduce anxiety.
journaling: write down your worries, thoughts, or a list of what's going right. Mental Health Benefits of Journaling (A Practice To Help You Live More Mindfully)
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
Want more reflections like this?
Subscribe to my IAMWELL Newsletter to receive grounded mental-health insights, somatic reflections, and friendly reminders to support a life rooted in slow living, wellbeing, and mind-body connection.
Curious about working together?
You’re welcome to book a brief, free consultation call — we can explore whether we feel aligned in working together. (Reach out HERE.)
Have thoughts or reflections?
Feel free to comment or share — I’d truly love to hear what this brought up for you.
Let’s stay connected. You can find me on Instagram at @IAMKIMEGEL
*Blog image by visual artist & photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson
Grieving A Never Life (The Life That Didn't Happen)
what is a never life?
A never life is the life that didn’t happen.
It’s the path that you didn’t go down. It’s the life that you once dreamed of having that, for whatever reason, never came to be. It’s what we thought, expected or hoped would happen, but didn’t.
A never life could be grief over the career we never explored, the relationship that didn’t work out, the city that we left unexplored, the kids we never had, the relationship with our parents that wasn’t & still isn’t….. it can show up in many different forms and it’s incredibly unique to us and our journey.
The kind of grieve and pain that “a never life” can activate can easily be overlooked by others because only we know the unseen desire we carry inwardly for what never was.
In her Dear Sugar column, Cheryl Strayed talks about the idea of a "sister life" (sometimes called "ghost ship" or "parallel life.”)
The basic idea of a sister life is this:
A "sister life" is the life you didn’t live — but could have lived — if you had made different choices, or if circumstances had been different. It’s the version of you that exists in theory, not in reality.
If you’re grieving a "never life," you’re experiencing one of the loneliest kinds of grief.
This is true because it’s invisible. There's no funeral, no white roses, no rituals, no casseroles dropped at your door or acknowledgement of the pain from the outside.
But inside, it's devastating. You and only you alone know the pain of a never life.
You are in a real grief process when mourning a never life.
It’s not about "getting over” it.
Rather that getting over it, coping and getting beyond the pain of a never life entails:
Letting yourself feel the layers of it, without trying to rush, avoid the pain of or minimize it.
It’s about eventually — slowly & gently — letting new seeds of life grow from a scorched earth of a dead dream.
Not to replace what you lost — nothing can — but to honor the fact that you are still here. You are still alive and because this is so, life must move forward in order for you to find happiness.
If you are in the mist of feeling the pain and loss of a never life; perhaps right now, it’s not about "moving on." Maybe right now, it’s about sitting with the black ash of what never happened and saying:
"This never life really mattered to me. This not happening for me hurts AND I will not let this define me. I will not allow this to be the climax of my story. I will not abandon myself here.”
The way out is moving toward acceptance
Ask yourself: what unborn dreams do I have that can still come to fruition? What dreams can still happen for me that would bring me joy, fulfillment, etc.? Maybe you say “none.'“ If so, okay; but work on allowing the space for new ones to emerge.
Remember that there are dreams that can still happen for you.
Here’s what’s important to remember and accept about the future:
It may look different than what you pictured. It may arrive slowly & unexpectedly. Your ability to experience what you desire — that part of you can be brought back to life; especially after it’s been numbed out by the pain of what didn’t happen; the pain of a never life.
I hope for these words to support you through your difficult feelings. Much love & resilience to you if you’re working through the pain of a never life. I’ve been there and sometimes revisit the pain of my never life as my actual reality continues to unfold. I notice that the pain more quickly passes when I allow the hard, painful feelings to be there rather than mask them and avoid them.
I think we all have things that we wish went differently; that’s human & real and it doesn’t need to define us.
I’ve learned that the only way beyond something hard; is through. In order to heal something you must face it and so is true with the pain that arises from a never life.
Below are some related resources for you:
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
Want more reflections like this?
Subscribe to my IAMWELL Newsletter to receive grounded mental-health insights, somatic reflections, and friendly reminders to support a life rooted in slow living, wellbeing, and mind-body connection.
Curious about working together?
You’re welcome to book a brief, free consultation call — we can explore whether we feel aligned in working together. (Reach out HERE.)
Have thoughts or reflections?
Feel free to comment or share — I’d truly love to hear what this brought up for you.
Let’s stay connected. You can find me on Instagram at @IAMKIMEGEL
*Image by Photographer & Visual Artist Amy Lynn Bjornson
Resentment (How it's Wrecking Havoc in Your Relationships & Life)
“If you forgive every moment- allow it to be as it is- then there will be no accumulation of resentment that needs to be forgiven at some later time.”
-Eckhart Tolle, Power of Now
Easier said than done, I know, yet doing our best to work through feelings of ill will toward another will keep our minds and bodies clear of emotional residue.
Allowing our negative feelings to build up over time to the point where we’re holding grudges toward others and imprisoned in feelings of anger and resentment can have a severe and negative impact on our lives.
Resentment can change and taint us if left unaddressed. It’s the silent killer of relationships as passive aggressive comments and stewing negative emotions cause us to react in ways we’re not proud of while causing strain in our relationship world.
Resentment can cause us to see through distorted negative lenses, leading us to read others intentions inaccurately, which impacts us from deeply and authentically connecting.
Every time we stew in our frustrations, irritations and general negative emotions without resolve; we become more disconnected from the truth of who we are. As we get further away from our truth; we lose our ability to function in a healthy way and everything gets complicated from there.
To say it boldly and clearly, enough resentment will slowly kill your relationships and chip away at your self worth, essence and presence if it gets deep enough.
Let’s avoid this spiderweb effect; shall we? Let’s get into how to recognize, acknowledge & cope with resentment so we can remain healthy & well despite life’s challenges.
What Causes Resentment
Resentment can present any time when we feel like we’ve been wronged. This could look like being taken advantage of, not being treated with respect, or not feeling heard or validated.
Resentment can accumulate over little moments and comments that remain unaddressed and build up over time. It can also show up within a singular, defining event or situation where we feel undervalued, mistreated or dismissed.
examples of situations that can cause resentment
Feeling taken advantage of
Being dismissed, ignored, overlooked or devalued
Feeling disrespected
Having unrealistic expectations about others or the world
Maintaining relationships with people who consistently put their needs before yours (without consideration of your needs.)
Being around people who undermine your authority or ability
Signs You’re Carrying Resentment
Feeling anxiety, tense and discomfort when you’re around the person you believe treated you unjustly
Avoiding conflict or interaction with any persons attached to your feelings of resentment
Obsessive overthinking about the person, the incident or interaction that you hold resentment for
Talking negatively to others about the person you have resentment for
Ignoring, avoiding or not admitting the pain around the situation or person causing your resentful feelings.
Distancing yourself emotionally and physically from the person you feel resentment toward
Feelings Associated With Resentment
lethargy, sadness, depleted energy
Disappointment
Anger & frustration
Hostile, bitter or revengeful emotions
Fear
Blame or self-blame
shame or guilt
Feeling unworthy, or generally dismissed and undervalued
Regret
Using resentment to avoid dealing with a person or situation that we hold resentment for can come out in self sabotaging, sneaky ways. Here are some ways that we can use resentment to avoid dealing with conflict directly.
Resentment Can Be Used To:
Self Protect; protecting yourself from being vulnerable and “being hurt again”
To feel “in control”
Avoid addressing the inward and deeper rooted issues within yourself or with the other person
Avoid difficult conversations and potential conflict
Avoid self responsibility
Avoid dealing with the situation
Key Steps to Address Resentment
If you are not a newbie to the world of self development, then you’re familiar with the saying that “awareness is key.” Having the awareness that what you are experiencing is, in fact, resentment, can direct you toward how to work through it.
key steps toward working through resentment
Identify the root cause
Self reflect on the situation that triggered your resentment and work toward understanding what specifically caused you to feel this way.Acknowledge & allow yourself to feel your emotions
Avoiding feeling difficult emotions is how they can build up and, potentially, turn into a mound of resentment. Don't suppress your feelings. Accept that you’re feeling resentful and allow yourself to experience those emotions fully in order for them to be processed and pass.(more on how to feel difficult emotions here.)
See it from a different angle
Having an open mind is one of the most beneficial tools that you can cultivate. Being open minded allows you to consider life from different perspectives. This will help you move through difficult situations with an ability to heal and move forward without latching onto unhealthy coping mechanisms or negative perspectives. Always ask yourself if you can try to see the situation from the other person's perspective. This question can help remove any blind spots or offer a different way of seeing a situation that can potentially change your feelings around it.
Remember that you don’t have to agree with someone to dissolve conflict and move forward.
Forgive
Practicing forgiveness of yourself and forgiveness for others is a practice. Forgiveness always, first and foremost, is for you. I know that this is counter intuitive to some, however, releasing yourself from resentment, revengeful and hateful feelings is, ultimately, for you my friend. Although it might be hard to let go of resentment, finding a perspective or lesson in the pain is how you can move toward acceptance. Eventually and in due time, making peace with what happened will increase your sense of general well-being.
Communicate respectfully, directly and openly
It’s amazing what some of us will do to avoid talking about the problem with the person who we have a problem with.We will spend hours thinking about it, stewing on it, talking to others about it; all actions that can actually brew more resentment. Save hours, months and years from your life by learning about Healthy conflict resolution. Knowing how to address conflict is a key life tool that will benefit you and all of your relationships greatly.
Establish boundaries
Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries when it comes to yourself, your relationships and how you live your life is a game changer. Sometimes we hold resentment toward others because they took advantage of the fact that we didn’t have good boundaries ourselves.We can spend countless hours pointing the finger at them; or we can look to ourselves and what we can control, which is tightening up our ability to have healthy boundaries.
*Note to self- It’s important to be respectful of ourselves in order to get the respect that we desire from others.
Focus on the now
Nothing good will ever come from dwelling on the past. Usually, an inability to get your mind out of the past is a sign that your current life situation is underwhelming you. Work on shifting your focus to positive aspects of your life now or start making small changes to help move your life forward.Lead with self compassion. Being resentful as a coping mechanism is not a healthy, long term solution. Holding onto external resentment gets in the way of you having a loving and healthy relationship with yourself. What we put “out there” in this world will always be reflected back to us in some way, shape or form. Having a loving relationship with ourself and leading with that will help us work through and dissolve our resentful emotions.
As with all self development topics; everything is connected. This is why I like to focus on whole body wellness. Resentment not only lives in the mind, it also manifests into physical symptoms overtime within the body.
I’ve seen resentment manifest into chronic illness. I’ve seen it destroy relationships. I’ve seen it kill hope.
My hope is for this post to strategically guide you through some actionable steps to address any negative, deep rooted and painful feelings that you may not know how to cope with so you can healthfully move on.
Thank you for being here. One step at a time. Change often involves doing something small and different, day after day. If you don’t know where to aim; focus on little shifts-one micro shift of change at a time.
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
Want more reflections like this?
Subscribe to my IAMWELL Newsletter to receive grounded mental-health insights, somatic reflections, and friendly reminders to support a life rooted in slow living, wellbeing, and mind-body connection.
Curious about working together?
You’re welcome to book a brief, free consultation call — we can explore whether we feel aligned in working together. (Reach out HERE.)
Have thoughts or reflections?
Feel free to comment or share — I’d truly love to hear what this brought up for you.
*Above image by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
RADICAL HONESTY (what it is & how it will expand your self growth)
One practice that can expand your level of self growth is radical honesty.
What is Radical Honesty?
Radical Self honesty calls the suppressed parts of self to the surface. It’s a practice that asks you to be 100% authentic (or as truthful as you’re capable of at the moment) with yourself. Especially the parts of self that are easy to blow off, ignore or hide because of the uncomfortable emotions and feelings connected with those parts or life experiences.
At some time or another, we’ve all probably experienced the struggle that comes with opening up about certain topics and emotions that are uncomfortable and sensitive. It’s like touching an injured physical part of yourself. It’s tender and sensitive to the touch until it heals.
The emotional parts of self are no different. We just can’t physically see our emotionally wounded parts, which makes it easier for some of us to compartmentalize them or ignore what needs healing and attention.
From first glance this concept can seem trivial, simple even. You might even wonder why I’m writing a whole blog post on the topic of honesty. I mean, what more is there to say? Be honest with yourself, simple, right?
W E L L………
From my experience as a therapist, one thing that I’ve continuously witnessed through the years is how hard it can be for some of us to see and face “the truth.” The truth meaning the hard facts of what did happen, what is happening and what it all means and where it has placed us on this ever moving, giant, blue & green colored (as pictured in my head) ball called Earth.
Why I’m writing this post: So you stop or don’t start hiding from your truth.
Radical honesty, however simple it may seem to some, is something that many of us hide from.
Many of us do hide from our uncomfortable parts. Many of us live our entire lives hiding.
Some of us never get to a moment in our lives where we can fully see and accept the truth of what happened or didn’t happen and where we are now because of how everything has fallen into place.
The concept of radical honesty is vast. It’s big. It requires bravery to admit the truth. Especially a truth that’s dirty, scary and is filled with shame and embarrassment. Facing such a thing is a huge feat. Please don’t downplay it and honor this courageous act on your part.
Why Practice Radical Honesty?
Until we stop hiding from our truth, it will be merely impossible to not distract, avoid or numb out. We have to keep up our unhealthy distractions to continue to black out the screams coming from our unhealed parts.
Not accepting what is or what happened is where addictions are born. It’s where disconnected relationships live, primarily the disconnect within yourself. So, to say it straight, being fully transparent with yourself is a key ingredient to an expanded self.
“Your ability to see yourself through the lens of radical honesty is the foundation of emotional maturity, and this vantage point will help you make decisions from a place of active clarity, instead of a place of passive unconsciousness.” - Lighter, Yung Pueblo (love him!)
3 Major Benefits of Radical Honesty
More clarity within. More clarity within allows you to make life decisions and every day choices that align with your true self, which, (you guessed it) will lead to results that are more fit for you. Opportunities, people and life will play out in a way that’s more in tune with who you are at the core.
Facing what’s scary and hard is what allows “it” to lose it’s power over you. The hardest part of facing what’s scary is building yourself up to face it or do it. However, usually, once we get ourselves to do just that, (confront the beast) what was so scary looses it’s power over us. (*Also, usually, it’s never as scary as we thought. )
I encourage you to, little by little, go toward your fear and, over time, with intention and doing the work, your fear will diminish.
You will attract more authentic people and experiences to you because authentic self honesty attracts authentic external honesty. Simply put; Honesty internally attracts honesty externally. It’s that simple. It’s that magnetic.
Problems That Arise When Were Not Radically Honest With Ourselves
The truth is, whatever we don’t fully heal doesn’t miraculously go away. As we have all heard, the only way out is through and so is true with difficult emotions. Anything that we haven’t fully processed will manifest and be expelled in some other way, shape or form. Repressed emotions can be expressed through your anxiety, your anger, your over eating, your overuse of alcohol, your lack of self confidence or your depression. Need I say more?
This post is to encourage you to look toward the parts of self that need and are calling for your attention. In order for any issue, past trauma or stuck emotion to heal, it needs to “face the light” in order to be tended to and laid to rest peacefully within.
My intention for guiding you toward your “uncomfortable” aspects of self is, not to torture you, rather it’s to expand you. My intention is to help you heal and get beyond the blocks that are holding you back.
(Before I go further, I would love to clarify the following: *This post is not focused toward persons who have experienced high levels of trauma. In the case of high trauma it’s important to work with an experienced professional to unpack unprocessed traumatic events.)
Who is this post for?
This post is for the person whose functioning, yet is experiencing a lack of fulfillment and blockage, whether conscious or not, due to a denial of the truth. Meaning, a person whom either lacks self awareness or is consciously choosing to deny the truth of what has happened or what is happening in their present moment experience.
Are you with me? I hope so, because looking at something that has been buried away within can be really intimidating, but worth the work.
In order for you to identify your unique “hard truth(s),” I will ask you to spend some time looking at any avoidant behaviors or topics where you experience resistance. *Note: Usually, distractions, busyness, addictions and negative habits are formed, unconsciously or not, for us to avoid what we don’t want to admit, deal with or look at. Generally, we avoid in order to numb out difficult aspects of ourselves. This is a defense mechanism in order to keep a difficult truth away. This is what leads us down a road of struggle.
Oh, the struggle is real too.
When we have a habit of turning our attention away from the truth, negative habits & distractions build, while creating major havoc in our lives.
Questions for Self Reflection & Exploration of Blocked Truths
Here are 4 questions to help you explore and potentially help you discover the areas of your own life where you may be hiding or avoiding “the truth.”
What topics (if any) do you avoid when they come up? (in life, in conversation?)
What do you do to avoid thinking about or talking about such a topic? (change the subject, push it away, etc)
Are you experiencing any symptoms that are effecting your emotional and/or mental wellness? (ex: trouble sleeping, anxiety, depression, lack of energy, low self concept, feeling lost, etc)
Are there any insights that you have about your behaviors or symptoms which you intuitively know are connected with a tendency to pull away from your truth?
“Okay! I’m ready! How do I practice radical honesty?”
Questions to Help You Untangle Your Hidden or Rejected Truths
How do you face things that feel too scary and difficult to face?
Generally speaking, little by little and maybe with the help of a professional depending on the level of resistance and blockage around “your truth” and lack of acceptance of what is. Start with respecting and accepting where you’re at in terms of your relationship with the truth. It’s like anything in life that feels really intimidating or nearly impossible, you just go one step at a time and build on that.
Also, increasing your level of introspection, self awareness and emotional intelligence will help you gain the tools and confidence to go toward the “scary” stuff.
How do you accept things that feel impossible to accept?
It might take awhile to find and arrive at “acceptance.” It’s a process to work through hard issues, losses and moments in our lives where there is resistance. Begin with accepting where you are currently. Whether it’s pretty or not. The concept of shift and change begins with acceptance.
What are strategies that can help me face hard emotions around the “truth” of my current circumstances & past?
Make sure your words are matching your actions. Does what you say match what you do? Are you telling yourself and others the truth (a fact) or a story (a fantasy?) Start practicing radical honesty by being truthful on a daily basis with simple things.
Allow space for difficult emotions to come up, process and be experienced so they can pass. Allow a figurative “winter season” to be there. You might find yourself wanting more quiet or more sleep during this period of pushing through hard emotions. Heads up: Doing this work can feel exhausting not only mentally, but physically too.
In a nutshell; Be gentle & patient with yourself.
All my feedback speaks generally to how to start doing the deep inner work that being radically honest requires. There’s work to be done beyond this blog post, but if you feel like these words have opened something up for you, there are a lot of ways to continue to build your level of self to further explore your suppressed parts.
For some this might mean seeking out a licensed mental health professional. Some might want to start with getting their self care basics in order (see below.) Some might want to sit with the words from this post and see what opens up from allowing this material to sink in.
Here are some general practices, that when done consistently and when they become a lifestyle, really help to balance your energy and help you expand to your best version of self.
Practices that Encourage Further Self Growth & Awareness
find a mental health therapist to further explore (if appropriate & the right next step for you)
develop a journaling practice
develop a meditation practice
move your body consistently
eat balanced & well
be mindful of your alcohol & caffeine intake
practice healthy boundaries with Yourself & Others
work on exploring your self identity
be consistent with your sleep schedule
(All these “little” things have the potential to lead to big change. I’ve seen clients change one small habit that, overtime, led to a massive life change. *Note: Don’t dumb down what tiny small shifts in everyday habits can do for your life.)
As always, thank you for reading. Thank you for being here with me. Truly. I’m always listening, so don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions, topic suggestions or whatever else I can help with. Cheers my friends!
The book I’m currently reading and loving: TINY BEAUTIFUL THINGS
*Above image is by photographer, Ashley Williams.
on letting go
”they asked her,
“what does letting go mean?”
she answered,
letting go does not mean erasing a memory or ignoring the past; it is when you are no longer reacting to the things that used to make you feel tense and you are releasing the energy attached to certain thoughts. it takes self-awareness, intentional action, practice, and time. letting go is the act of getting to know yourself so deeply that all delusions fall away.”
-Yung Pueblo from Clarity & Connection (I highly recommend this book!)
Q: How do you let go when you don’t know how to let go?
For some of us, it’s a skill that we don’t have to think that much about; We. Just. Let. Go. It’s a natural “knee jerk” reaction. This could be because of growing up with influences (like our parents) that naturally taught us to let go via example. Maybe in words. Maybe in actions, the point being that we had the very healthy example of non attachment, allowing and surrendering. All that is required with letting go.
And….drumroll….some of us did not have that example.
If you’re struggling with the process of letting go, this post is for you.
This read is for the person who tends to hold on real tight and suffers greatly when “things don’t go as planned” or feels “out of control.” A lack of flexibility and a constant need for control creates a lot of anxiety and stuck energy. “Stuck energy” will show up as a lack of flow and chronic frustration. Not “letting go” or (AKA) “not allowing” is usually partnered with a feeling that you will never get beyond the situation at hand.
This may or may not be conscious for the person who struggles with letting go, which is why my words present an opportunity for your self introspection. Pay attention to your unique relationship with the concepts of fear and control. Usually when we hold a lot of fear and find comfort in control, the act of letting go will be very difficult for us.
Our inability to let go can get physical:
When we suppress our feelings by ignoring them or burying them deep within, they cannot pass through and, therefore, remain stuck. A buildup of unprocessed emotions can manifest physically in our bodies: physical pressure across our bodies, specifically the back and neck. Some of the physical symptoms that you can experience are digestive issues, acne, achy joints, irritability, insomnia, headaches, to name some.
How to let go:
Instead of ignoring, escaping or blocking an emotion allow it to come up. (I know this is hard, especially for those of us who have created the habit of ignoring or avoiding our emotions.) The beginning of your healing journey toward letting go in a healthy way is to start allowing yourself to feel your emotions. Not selectively, but collectively. All of them. The good. The “bad” and the “ugly.” Accept them all for they all are screaming for a platform to be expressed and felt so they can feel heard and then settle in a peaceful way.
Be aware of false stories convincing you that “it’s better not to feel.”
Be aware of the rationalizations that the mind creates in an attempt to validate and defend negative feelings, “old stories” or stuck behaviors. We often have become very savvy at protecting ourselves from our difficult emotions, so we have set up some pretty convincing validation of why it’s better to avoid feeling or confronting our emotional world. (Again, this can be conscious or not.) *This is another opportunity for you to reflect on where you’re at with confronting or validating your specific emotions.
Questions to consider for journaling and reflection:
What events or feelings do you avoid thinking about?
What happens to you emotionally and physically when someone brings up a topic that is hard for you to talk about or think about?
How to allow an emotion to surface: (especially when it’s difficult) Just feel …….and feel ………..and feel until that emotion runs its course. Stay with it. Breath through it. Be with it and, eventually, with your commitment to feel, your patience to stay, it will pass friends. It will.
“Feelings are wordless.” To process feelings let the sensations or feelings come and go freely. Letting go is something that you can learn how to do if it’s a struggle for you. It does require your willingness and bravery to face the things, emotions and events that you have been avoiding or validating away.
My hope is for the above words and perspectives to help you grow and evolve. If you feel like you need more support with learning the skills to let go, feel free to reach out to me or check out this post on how to find an aligned mental health professional to help you with this process HERE.
* Above image is by Photographer, Renata Amazonas
Also, here’s the latest podcast that I was featured on. I was so happy to be on the @thoughtsmayvarypodcast. We cover the anxiety that can get created by over-intellectualizing, discovering our inner truths, how to build self trust and self worth and go over the mind, body connection. Check it out on any of the below platforms.
Listen on SPOTIFY / Listen on APPLE PODCASTS / Here’s the YOUTUBE