Healthy Perspectives for a New Year
Just as the weather varies, the same is true for our emotional state. It changes. It shifts. We experience all kinds of emotions as we go through our days.
The changing of emotions is not a negative unless we see it to be. It’s neutral. It is what it is. It’s the human experience.
There’s a healthy range of contrast that your emotions will naturally go through. Accepting the contrast of your emotional life will bring much less suffering and more peace to your days.
(*For this post, I’m referring to a healthy range of emotions. I’m not speaking to unstable emotional states that dip dramatically and cause problems in your career and/or personal life.)
It can be snowing (figuratively) in your world emotionally and then quickly become sunny; just like that.
Meaning, you could be fired by your job and two weeks later land the business opportunity that you’ve been waiting for.
You can be devastated by a break up and then fall back in love months later.
It can happen. It does happen.
Things can change fast in life. Things do change fast in life.
When you’re living fully your emotional world will have turbulence and fluctuations. That’s the consequence of putting yourself “out there” in the world and taking chances.
How well you navigate your life’s “turbulence,” meaning the different states, moods, emotions and experiences, will dictate your level of happiness. Judgement of your circumstances and seeing them as “bad” will bring you sorrow and pain. Viewing your life as a constant opportunity to learn and grow will help you keep your spirits bright, even within the darkness.
The judgement of your current circumstance effects your emotional state more so than the actual event.
Remember this, as this will always be true.
It’s not what happens to you; it’s how you perceive what is happening.
Resistance toward what is happening will always make things harder than they actually are.
This is not to discount your pain. Rather, it’s to highlight what you can control, which is your perspective.
Do your best to see things as they are. Watch any tendency to taint an experience with a negative story or judgment . This will help you to see things with more clarity and truth.
In a nutshell, it’s how you decide to feel about what’s happening to you and the labels that you put upon your circumstance that dictates how you will feel and, furthermore, how your life plays out.
One thing to remember if you’re in the mist of an emotionally difficult time is that a mental blue bird sky is coming. Meaning, a break from “the hard.”
What’s a blue bird sky?
definition: denoting or relating to a period of time characterized by sunny, cloudless weather, typically after a night of snowfall.
WAIT. FOR. THE. BLUE BIRD. SKY. AS. IT. WILL. EVENTUALLY. APPEAR.
Just as fast as a storm can push out and leave a blue bird sky, the circumstances of your life can change on a dime.
A love can appear. A positive opportunity can present. A new friendship can blossom. New people, places and things are waiting to engage with you if you can open your eyes to the possibilities.
You have to believe that good things can and will happen for you; for good things to come your way.
why would you think that good things can’t happen for you?
why would you think that you are exempt from experiencing the beautiful things that life holds?
why would you be the one left out from experiences that you desire?
(*Feel free to use these journal prompts to explore any blocks that are limiting your happiness and belief in positive outcomes.)
Sometimes, we can’t imagine anything changing in our lives and feel extremely stuck in our circumstances. If you can gain flexibility in your thinking to believe that things can shift and change, movement and flow will increase around you and you will find your circumstances shifting.
JUST. AS. A. BLUE BIRD. SKY. GOES. FROM. GREY. TO. BLUE.
THE. CIRCUMSTANCES. OF. YOUR. LIFE. CAN. IMPROVE. WITH. GOOD PERSPECTIVE. WELL INTENTION. AND. BELIEF. IN. POSSIBILITIES.
Please remember these words, especially in times where life presents you with its hardships and challenges.
Happy 2023. Wishing you joy, good things, adventures, growth and sending you love and good energy to catapult this year. Yew!
Thanks for being here with me.
*Above image is by photographer, Ashley Williams.
What I Wish I Knew in My 20's & 30's
There’s plenty of blogs directing advice to your 20 year old self. Plenty. “What I wish I knew when I was 20.” Google it.
From there, it seems to turn into posts about “What I wish I knew at 30” or “What I wish I knew Before 30” (So, again, focusing on the 20’s.)
Q: What about the rest of us?
How about the 30’s? How about the 40’s? How about some good solid tips, regardless of your age, that are designed for you to find your own version of happy? I mean, I had tons of questions and things I “wish” I knew during my 30’s. I also, currently would love to hear some feedback and advice for my 40 something year old self.
My intention for this post is to speak specifically to both the decades of the 20’s and 30’s because, well, I’ve been through both of them. I’ve fully completed, signed and sealed my 20’s and 30’s and here’s the “feedback” I have for you with being on the other side.
Regardless of your specific age or decade of dwelling, this feedback can keep your perspective healthy, free of comparison and grounded. This is directed toward ANYBODY whose in a space of doubting, stressing about or questioning their whereabouts on this journey called life.
*All my feedback comes from a well intended place. A place to maybe give you validation for what you already know or the courage to believe something different for yourself.
Here are 11 tips of healthy perspective, from me to you.
#1 STOP TRYING TO “FIGURE OUT YOUR LIFE” IN YOUR HEAD
Oh the analyzing mind. Some of us get very caught in the bad habit of trying to “figure it all out.” We plan. We stress. We worry. We live in fear of all the things not happening for us in life, so in order to pacify our fears we over control and force things into place.
If you’re finding yourself trying to “think out” what you need to do in order to get or accomplish A, B or C in your life, please stop friend. Rather, start focusing on taking small steps toward “different” actions within your daily life. Life doesn’t happen when you’re thinking and planning it out. It happens when you’re engaged, present and actually living it out.
It’s a cliche for a reason: “It will happen when you stop trying.”
Stressing about when you’re going to find the partner, have kids, get married and “find” the career for you is beyond overwhelming. It takes the joy out of the present moment when you’re spending so much time worrying about the future.
Being overly distracted with where you “want to be” will check you out of your current life. If you’re in this cycle of hyper focus on the future, you will feel stuck, frustrated, irritated, anxious and, possibly, hopeless. Those feelings are due to your inability to be present more than your actual circumstances.
It’s an extremely stressful and an unrealistic expectation to think you can “figure it all out” in your head. You can’t “figure out” your life by thinking really hard about it. However, that doesn’t stop many of us from trying. Trying to “figure out” how to meet the specific person that’s going to be our life partner. Trying to figure out how to land the “dream job.”
It takes a lifetime to get to know yourself. It’s too much pressure to feel as if you have to “figure it out” because you X age. (Also, life and your wants and desires can change as you change. This is even more of a reason to find a good balance between ease and effort as you’re on your path toward creating what you want for your life.
#2 TIMING IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYBODY (stop comparing)
Everybody has different timing and a different path and it means NOTHING negative about you. Where you’re at is not “wrong.” It’s neutral, unless you’re putting a meaning to it, either positively or negatively. Nothing is “wrong with you if your circumstances are not like (insert whoever you’re comparing yourself too.)
As you begin to embrace where you’re at in life and engage in your life, that’s when things will start to fall into place for you with more flow. In short, embrace what you have going on; all of it. Accept the parts that you feel good about and the parts that you do want to change.
Something interesting happens when we slip into the space of acceptance. Acceptance allows more calm and inner peace, which then allows us to act and behave differently. This, in turn, effects the results we get in life. More good things will keep happening for you as you melt into acceptance and surrender to the timing of events in your journey.
In order to BE in a more free flowing state, it’s important to let go of any controlled timeline of events that you might be anticipating. I’m not saying deny what you want. I want your desires to come true, just as you do. However, being more loose and open to how events and circumstances in your life are going to unfold will help you stay in a more positive headspace about it all.
Please, please, please be very mindful of the timelines that you put on yourself. They can cause a lot of suffering if not “in check.”
#3 LEARN TO LET GO OF THE PAST (it will hold you back if you don’t)
We all will come across people and experiences that will be hard to let go of for a multitude of reasons. It could be our attachment style that doesn’t let someone go. It could be our pain that doesn’t let us put a situation to rest. Regardless of what it is, it’s so important to do “the work” to release the past.
Think of it simply: holding onto anything you don’t need will take up space for something else to move in. When we feel stuck in our life and find ourselves constantly going back to “what was,” perhaps that’s a signal that there’s some healing to do. If you feel like you need some support in exploring your past, here’s a link for an article I wrote on Finding The “Right” Therapist for You.
#4 BE MINDFUL OF YOUR EXPECTATIONS (and the expectations that others put on you)
Truthfully, the more interesting people I know have not done it by the book. (This is not truth, it’s just my personal experience.) Spend time going down paths that you’re curious about, without stressing about what you think you “SHOULD” be doing instead. Be mindful of outside pressure that is suggesting for you to be something or someone different other than who you are. In other words, some people may want you to be certain things and live a life that’s not true for you. It takes a lot of self awareness and courage to go against these outside pressures, especially when the pressure is from people who we love.
Be mindful of this. Be brave enough to hold onto your truth.
#5 YOU CAN MAKE $ DOING SOMETHING YOU LOVE (believe it)
What???!!! Record scratch. Yup, I said it, despite what your parents might be telling you and despite what “they” say.
Repeat after me: “I can make money doing something I love.” It’s true folks, you can make a career out of something you’re passionate about, good at and enjoy. It could be a grand slam. Isn’t that mind blowing?
Why is that so hard to believe for some of us? Here’s a thought on why this could be so:
Our experiences growing up, the culture that we were exposed to in our family of origin coupled with what we’ve been taught and believe about success will effect what we allow ourselves to go toward.
We can get caught in other people’s expectations and put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we strictly define what success and adulthood “looks” like based on our conditioning. We are a product, to a certain extent, of what we’re from and what we were taught. For worse or better. It’s really hard to strip ourselves away from any mold that we’ve been exposed too and melted into for years of our life. However, I’m here to remind you that there are MANY “outside the box” ways to become successful, no matter who is telling you anything different. Theres’ too much proof of it in our world at this point to deny that it’s possible. I’m not saying it’s going to be a cake walk to pursue your unique career path, but your journey toward creating a career you enjoy is incredibly possible. Believe it!
With intention, desire, hard work and a vision, you can create a career that feeds your soul. Success doesn’t just come within the structured career basics. It can and it does. However, if you’re being called to go “the road less traveled” career wise, trust yourself and know that you can find a creative way to make income and be fulfilled. To sum this point up; getting creative and doing things your way can pay off.
#6 RELATIONSHIPS WILL COME & GO (and it’s natural & normal for them to do so)
Not everyone that you meet is meant to be in your life for the long haul. You could look at that as sad or upsetting and you might need to for a bit in order to properly morn the loss of some relationships that meant something to you. Although, remember that it’s true for all of us and a very normal part of life for people to come and go. It’s a very special few that make the whole journey with us. Knowing who to put your energy into at specific junctures in your life is an important skill. Also, doing your best to allow shift and change will suit you well when moving through your life and navigating through the changing times of your relationships.
Some people are incredibly important seasons. Value them for the time that you do get with them. It’s important to pay attention to the natural expiration date for some of our relationships. Surrendering to this concept and being mindful to let go of force and to allow a natural flow will help you work through the coming and going of relationships in your life.
#7 DARE TO BE DIFFERENT FROM THE CROWD (you’ll be better for it)
There’s truth around the perspective that the people who are really making waves and accomplishing incredible things in this world are true individuals. “True Individuals” meaning people who have created their own path in life and have made choices, that sometimes, could cause controversy, simply because their way is “different.”
Your voice, perspective, way of seeing the world and overall unique package is what makes you who you are. It creates the energy that the world feels and experiences of you. Being brave enough to show your authentic self to others and the world does greatly pay off if you’re courageous enough to hold that space.
Yes, it requires bravery to do this. It’s a win/win to do this and it’s worth the fight because, first and foremost, it feels amazing to openly express who you truly are without holding back. Expression because really natural and effortless when you’re not spending time worrying and anticipating “what others will think.” When there’s less blocks in the road, everything will feel better and that will be reflected in the overall result of what you create in your life. This individual way of being attracts the “right” opportunities and people to you. Like attracts like. Truth attracts truth. This is what can make life incredibly fulfilling.
Bottom line: If you’re brave enough to really show your truth, it will benefit you greatly. Dare to be different friends.
#8 GIVE LESS F’S! (you will experience much less suffering if you do so)
This is the natural next point after the latter. In order to really “do you” (boo) you have to give less credit and put less attention on who your naysayers are. Nobody in this life is going to get a green light from everyone and that’s just apart of the experience. Caring less about who doesn’t like you, for whatever reason it is that they don’t, will bring much more peace to your days. Period.
#9 LOVE HAS AN INTERESTING WAY OF FINDING YOU WHEN YOU TAP INTO SELF LOVE & ACCEPTANCE
I know, I know. We’ve heard this one 1000x: You need to love yourself before someone can love you.
When you genuinely get to a point where you have a healthy and kind relationship with your own self, that’s when your point of attraction for “big” fulfilling love has a shot at finding you.
You can attract love without a healthy level of self worth. Sure, people do it all the time. However, there’s way more room for things to go really south when you don’t tend to the most important relationship that there will ever be, which is the one between you and you.
Take the time to “get right” with yourself so you can thrive. Your ability to create rich and fulfilling relationships will also increase when your level of self love and acceptance is healthy.
#10 DON”T TAKE “ADULTING” (AND YOURSELF) TOO SERIOUSLY
Need I say more? Sometimes, we get way too serious in our role as adults and we forget how to BE light and have fun. It’s a real bummer when this happens and I’m not talking about being an irresponsible adult. I’m actually talking about being a balanced adult where you know when it’s time to step up and tend to your responsibilities balanced with knowing when to let loose and laugh. Laugh at yourself and with others.
Sit at the kids table. Go down the water slide. Jump on the trampoline. Make funny faces. See what joy you can tap back into when you just loosen up and don’t take yourself so seriously.
#11 IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK HOW YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD (and that’s not bad)
I remember my 20 year old self having it all figured out. I’m going to marry him, live there, do that as a career and have x amount of kids or dogs or houses or friends or……you get what I’m throwing down?
In a nutshell, I’ve NEVER come across a friend, acquaintance or client who has told me that their life looks exactly as they thought it would. Not saying it doesn’t exist, but if it does it’s a rarity and could be a sign that you played it really safe and within the lines of your comfort zone. Just saying.
Life is unpredictable and when you’re really living it and allowing it to take the lead it will not look as you thought it would. it just won’t. It will be bigger, louder and have less limits than you thought.
It. Just. Will.
Well, that’s that. I hope that spoke to you and gets you inspired to keep your heart, perspective and your eyes open so you can be present and make the most of this journey called LIFE. Cheers friend.
*Above image is from San Diego based photographer, Renata Amazonas taken @villapalomajoshuartree
Tips to Improve Your Mental Health (Healthy Mind Practices)
Attention Goes Where Energy Flows
Where’s Your Head At?
If you feel unsettled, stuck or out of alignment, chances are that your point of focus is off. Energy and thought focused in the “wrong” direction will create more unhappiness than need be. When I say “point of focus” I’m referring to the specific topics that we spend our time and energy thinking, worrying and ruminating about. The good news is that our point of focus can be changed. We can learn tools and skills to create a happy headspace. The trick is to become aware and intentional about what we think about.
Our current life situation is a result of all the thoughts that we’ve had, both past and present, up until this present moment. Take a moment to reflect on where your heads been recently. What were you thinking about this morning? What’s currently on your mind? Not sure? Then connect with how you feel right now. Do you feel good? Calm? Anxious? Whatever you’re feeling currently is a product of what you’ve been thinking about.
Some of us have created a habit of living in a state where we consistently focus on what we perceive to be “wrong” with our life circumstances. (For the record, whenever we’re looking for a problem, we’ll find one.) For the purpose of this post, I’m referring to an over focus on what we can’t control, which sends us in a worried and fear based state. When we’re chronically focused on “what’s not going right” we will constantly feel stressed and, inevitably, depressed.
If you notice that you tend to spend a lot of your time thinking about “what’s wrong,” what would it mean for you to intentionally switch your focus toward what’s going right?
I’m not asking you to “ignore” problems. I understand that problems need attention at times in order to be resolved in a healthy way. However, after you’ve done what you can do with any issue in your life, there’s a point where acceptance of what IS and letting go is what will lead you to more peace and productivity within your life.
There tends to be an invisible “expiration date” with many things in life; relationships, jobs, environments, habits, etc, and when we stay past that expiration date, we begin to chip away at our sense of self and, ultimately, what’s best for us on a grand scale. Be mindful of this “deadline” when it comes to your point of focus. When is when? Meaning, when does thinking about a certain issue become “overkill” and lead you to feel more fear, worry and unhappiness then you need to experience? When you spend too much time turning the same issue around and around in your head, it’s just a matter of time where you will loose perspective and clarity on the issue. Begin to pay attention and learn the signs and symptoms that present for you when you’re overly focused on something that you can’t control.
With all that said, what would it mean for you to switch your focus toward what IS going right while accepting that imperfect events and situations are apart of life? We will all face specific hardships and problems. Nobody escapes this aspect of life. Becoming more accepting of the issues that will come and go within our lives will improve and increase our overall satisfaction and happiness level.
Let me add this tid bit in for clarity purposes: I’m not discounting that there’s issues in life. Hard issues. This is true. However, looking at what is also going “right,” especially when the difficult material presents, will greatly help you get through the challenging stuff.
Wonder if we spent our time thinking about what we do want in our life instead of what we don’t want? What you think about grows. It expands and melts into everything going on around you. You will allow the space for more fulfilling opportunities to come in by focusing on positive possibilities and good feelings. This is a practice. It’s not so much “luck” that you think others have over you when good things keep coming their way. What’s happening for those “others” is that they’re spending more time thinking and projecting good things for their future vs. focusing on the negative.
It’s always important to evaluate how we’re spending our time on both a physical and mental level. Here are some questions to help you gain more clarity around your point of focus.
Questions for Journaling & Reflection
What are you spending your time thinking about? How do you feel when you think about this particular topic(s)?
Is there an issue that you find yourself chronically fixated on and ruminating about? What is it? Write about your feelings on this issue?
Can you find acceptance for what you can’t control? How does it feel to think about that concept? Can you intentionally decide to let go of your negative focus? What would you think about if you didn’t think about “the problem?”
Cheers All. I appreciate you being here and reading. For more perspectives on a variety of wellness topics, come visit me on my YOUTUBE channel HERE.
*Above image by Photographer & Creator of honeyandgarden, Renata Amazonas.
Self Responsibility (The importance of Making Clear Self Choices)
This article is all about the importance of actively choosing what you want vs. falling unintentionally into who and what chooses you.
Life presents us with a stream of opportunities. Some of us may feel that we’re exposed to more opportunities than others given our ability to see an opportunity or be open to it. Let’s explore your ability to choose what you uniquely want and desire in this life.
At the end of the day we all ultimately are choosing our reality, for better or for worse. With believing that’s true or not, even no choice is a choice. My goal is to open your eyes to the fact that just because someone or something chooses you, that doesn’t mean that you need to reciprocate the kind gesture. It’s true in life that some people, places and things, even “good” and “amazing” ones might not be for us.
Not everything or everyone is for us.
Someone might want to date us, marry us, hire us, hang around us, travel with us, etc. This is amazing. Of course people want you by their side or on their team. You’re a gem of human and you’re desired.
Again, just because someone is choosing you, doesn’t mean that you need to choose them.
I’ve seen in my experience that some people have gotten into the habit of going with whatever or whoever shows up without using any sort of discernment around if the person or opportunity is a good fit.
The problem here is that you’re giving your power away when you’re not actively making the choices that are authentic to you. You are also getting further away from who you are as you say yes, or causally fall into what’s in front of you without using discernment. We probably have all found ourselves in situations that “sorta fell in our lap.” Sometimes these situations are ideal and in alignment with what we want and what we stand for, and sometimes they’re not.
The key is to have enough self awareness to be able to discern what choices or paths you want to take and which ones you choose to bypass.
This post is just a friendly reminder to check in with your “picker” to make sure that you’re in the drivers seat of your life.
Not to say that there’s not a time and place to go with the flow and say yes to things you wouldn’t usually say yes too. That’s how we grow and expand.
The key is to choose with your self respect and sense of self leading the way. This will help you discern whether to “go with” a presented opportunity that is for you vs. going blindly toward a situation with no intentional thought on the matter.
*Blog Image by Photographer Renata Amazonas.