Rejection is a feeling that’s a challenge for most of us. It’s easy to personalize rejection, which then starts sabotaging our sense of self by opening the door to feelings of self doubt and unworthiness. It’s not pretty…..
Rejection can be so utterly uncomfortable that we do everything in our power to avoid it. This can be unconscious or conscious. The problem with this approach is that in order to avoid being rejected, we have to live pretty small lives.
Even then so, rejection is apart of life and unavoidable. You can’t completely hide from it; It will find you.
The avoidance of rejection guarantees significantly less opportunity and possibility in our lives simply because we’re not putting ourselves out there in the world to experience, be seen or live fully.
However, rejection doesn’t need to be so scary and it’s in the making it so, that we limit our lives. On the flip side, rejection can be a huge teacher, for when things are difficult and challenging is when we have the opportunity to grow the most. Yup, it’s true, from our greatest source of pain is where the possibility for some major growth lies.
The truth is that it’s easy to show up while putting our best foot forward when things are all good.
However, it’s how we act when someone or something is not giving us what we want that reveals the truth of who we are.
With that said, here are 5 perspectives to help you cope when rejection appears in your life.
1. When One Thing Doesn’t Work Out, It’s Only A Matter of Time That Something Else Will. Another door will open in your life and when it does your past rejection might make a lot more sense. Hang in there, your current life situation will become more clear with time. It always tends too.
2. Don’t Make It Personal. I know, I know, how’s it not personal, right? After all someone or something said a big, fat NO. I get it and I still stick with, “Babes, it’s not personal.” You never know what someone else is going through or what the exact details of a situation is. Rather than exhausting yourself mentally by trying to figure it out with false stories and assumptions, practice letting go and reminding yourself that it’s not personal.
As cliche as it is to say, getting rejected is apart of life and it’s not a personal attack. Sticking with this perspective, especially when your mind wants to point to all your self perceived inadequacies, is key to allowing the rejection to process through.
3. Accept That Things Don't Always Work Out The Way You Want Them to and That's Okay. Actually, it’s beyond okay, trust that how a situation is going down in your life is working for you, rather than against you. With that said, it’s important to take your time to feel about the “loss.” Be mad. Be hurt. Be disappointed. When you allow yourself to be real about how you feel your emotions can then pass through and you’ll find yourself moving beyond the rejection with more ease and flow. Just because one thing didn't work out, doesn't mean you're a failure, or that nothing will work out. You missed A boat, not THE boat my friend. There will be a lot more boats of opportunity and possibilities passing through in your life. That’s a for sure.
4. There’s A Lesson to be Learned. Try to Find It. When you can make a painful event a learning opportunity, that reframe will help you in so many ways. For one, it helps to support your growth. When you can learn something about yourself that you then carry along with you as you move forward, you win. Focusing on something else rather than ruminating or looping on the “why” and the disappointment of rejection will serve you greatly. When you soul search to discover the silver lining of any situation, you create the space to break some new ground within your field of personal growth. Look for the personal lessons. Look to where it’s really uncomfortable for you. Look for how it’s challenging you. This is where growth lies.
5. Trust It. I know, easier said than done, however, trusting in something bigger than your logic will serve you greatly in this life. The reality is that many things happen in life that don’t make sense. When we get stuck in trying to understand or figure out certain situations, we will create a lot more suffering than need be. Also, realize that your need to “figure out” the root of any situation is all about control. To say it simply, your discomfort of “not knowing” is pushing you toward searching for an answer so you can feel more in control. The reality is that you cannot control many situations and learning to let go of the compulsion to loop in your mind for “an answer” will free you from so much anxiety and unneeded suffering. When we learn to surrender and find acceptance for how things are, we are rewarded for our ability to let go amongst the uncertainty.
Rejection really has been one of my biggest teachers in life. I’ve worked so hard to avoid it for so long and with facing it dead on, I’ve realized that, although uncomfortable, it’s bearable. Beyond that, the lessons that rejection has brought to my door have pushed me to grow in ways that have benefited me greatly. Use your pain to grow. I say this with knowing how challenging that can be. Although, when you muster up the strength to gear up and go toward the discomfort, pain and unknown, life will acknowledge your brave spirit. I don’t know how or when, but trust that this is so. For what you believe in is what creates your experience.
You got this friends. Keep going forward. Trust life. Do your best to face the challenges, including the rejections that will continue to appear if you’re living large. Experiencing rejection is a clue that your putting yourself out there and living a full life.
* Healing Crystals for Rejection: Peridot, Rose Quartz
*Above image is by lifestyle & wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.