Rumination vs. Anxiety (Symptoms, Explanations and Practices to Help)
It could seem as though rumination is just a fancy word for anxiety, yet in the world of mental health, they're closely related, but not the same thing.
This post goes over the differences between rumination and anxiety, so you can better understand what’s happening if you struggle with either of these mental health issues. I also will break down whole body health ways to eliminate these reactions so you can break free from the self imposed prison that these behaviors put us in.
Rumination is when your mind keeps going over the same thoughts on a mental loop that can feel impossible to have control over. The thoughts that we repeat are usually negative ones—like replaying a conversation or worrying about what you should have done.
Anxiety is excessive worry about the future or fear of what might happen. Anxiety can show up very physically via the body with symptoms like a racing heart, tension, or restlessness.
A quick tip to help you decipher between the two is, rumination is more reflective (past-focused), while anxiety is more anticipatory (future-focused). One can build upon another in the sense that people with anxiety tend to ruminate more, and rumination can increase anxious feelings.
2 types of ruminating
Reflective Rumination; evaluating. asking why; trying to figure it out
Brooding; comparison. comparing your situation with an expected, conventional or self imposed standard that you have not achieved.
why do i ruminate?
People start to ruminate for a mix of psychological, emotional, and sometimes biological reasons. In all reality rumination is an unconscious habit, not something people choose. In a nutshell, it’s an ineffective way that we try to manage distress.
#1 False Belief: Some think ruminating will lead to answers or “more control” over a specific situation, even though it rarely does. You think that if you think hard enough and figure out how to “fix it”; you then will find the answer and “solve the problem” leading to resolution.
This is actually where I witness many people grasp for control, manipulate situations to get their way and, ultimately, self destruct.
Here are some common reasons why we ruminate:
Unresolved trauma or conflict: The mind keeps looping, trying to "solve" or make sense of past pain.
Perfectionism: Believing that obsessively reviewing actions or decisions can help to avoid making mistakes.
Low self-esteem: When we don’t feel good about ourselves we carry around a lot of self doubt which can lead us to dwell on perceived inadequacies or failures.
Anxiety or depression: Both of these mental health conditions promote overthinking and worry.
Lack of coping skills: When healthier tools aren’t available, the brain defaults to rumination.
Unmet emotional needs: The mind may revisit painful situations as a way to seek resolution or understanding.
symptoms of rumination:
Persistent overthinking about past events or mistakes
Inability to let go of a specific worry or thought
Replaying conversations or scenarios in your head
Feeling stuck in negative thought cycles
Increased anxiety or sadness as a result of overthinking
Difficulty sleeping due to mental looping
Trouble focusing on the present moment or daily tasks
Seeking reassurance excessively, yet still feeling unsettled
Self-criticism or guilt that feels hard to shake
Physical tension, like headaches or muscle tightness from stress
I can’t tell you how many clients have come to me that have been deeply struggling with anxiety and or rumination all their lives without realizing that this way of being was negative; they just thought it was a normal way to feel and be. They didn’t realize that it was an unhealthy way that they’ve been trying to manage their stress and discomfort. With some education around what healthy vs. unhealthy coping looks like, they were able to acknowledge that the uncontrollable thinking and doom predicting was lowering the quality of their lives and creating a lot of internal suffering.
When we’ve “always” been a certain way we don’t know that anything could or should be different. Our homeostasis is what we consider to be “normal;” for worse or for better.
know thy enemy:
We can’t heal or course correct something that we don’t have awareness around. We can’t heal something that we actively choose to avoid or can’t see the truth of.
Simply said; you can’t fix something that you don’t think is broken. For that reason, here are some common and (sneaky) symptoms that can be due to your anxiety.
Let’s Talk Anxiety
why do i have anxiety?
People develop anxiety for a mix of reasons—biological, psychological, and environmental. Here are some key factors:
Genetics: Anxiety can run in families; some people are more biologically wired to be anxious.
Brain chemistry: Imbalances in neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and GABA can heighten anxiety.
Childhood experiences: Overly critical environments, trauma, or unpredictability early in life can wire the nervous system for hypervigilance.
Stress overload: Chronic stress (work, relationships, finances) can trigger or worsen anxiety.
Personality traits: Highly sensitive, perfectionistic, or people-pleasing types are more prone to develop anxiety over time.
Learned behavior: Growing up around anxious caregivers can internalize anxious coping patterns.
Lack of safety or control: Situations where people feel powerless or unsupported often spark anxiety.
Medical conditions: Thyroid issues, heart problems, or hormonal shifts can mimic or cause anxiety symptoms.
At its core, anxiety is the body’s alarm system stuck in “high alert” mode.
symptoms of anxiety:
trouble concentrating or making decisions
feeling irritable, tense or restless
experiencing nausea or abdominal distress
having heart palpitations
sweating, trembling or shaking
trouble sleeping
having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom
constant worry
“what if” thoughts
lack of concentration
ruminative thoughts
less obvious symptoms of anxiety:
indecision
stagnation in your life
lack of control of your life; life happens to you vs. you making clear choices about your life.
avoidance of situations or people that will trigger your anxiety
Action: the antidote to anxiety
what action does:
it helps you feel in control of what you can be in control of.
it helps you take an active role in your life where you’re engaging in creating your future instead of sitting in stagnation waiting for “it” to happen to you.
it helps you become more present.
whole body health ways toward healing
BODY
massage: helps shift your body out of "fight-or-flight" (sympathetic) mode and into "rest-and-digest" (parasympathetic) mode. This leads to: Lowered heart rate, slower breathing, decreased blood pressure and a sense of calm and safety.
cold exposure: known to reset the nervous system by “shocking” your system into presence, then settling it. Cold exposure can also helps you face and work through discomfort.
exercise: balances brain chemistry, reduces stress hormones, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, interrupts the anxiety thought loop (gets you put of your head), improves sleep, increases your levels of energy and confidence and helps you to emotionally regulate.
breath work: breath work activates the parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest). Slow, deep breathing sends a biological signal to your body: “You are safe.”
*I really like practicing box breathing because it’s so simple. I start by closing my eyes and visualizing making a square in my mind with my breathe then:
Inhale – 4 seconds (Slowly breathe in through your nose, filling your lungs completely.)
Hold – 4 seconds (Pause at the top of your breath. Stay still and relaxed.)
Exhale – 4 seconds (Gently breathe out through your mouth or nose, emptying your lungs fully.)
Hold – 4 seconds (repeat for 2-3 minutes)
MIND
affect labeling: name what you feel by putting your emotions into words. “Name it to tame it.”- Dr. Dan Siegel
ex: "I'm feeling anxious, and that's okay.”
cognitive reframing: helps to challenge and shift negative thoughts.
ex: Ask: “Is this thought helpful or true?”
grounding techniques: helps to anchor your mind in the present, which disrupts anxious thought loops.
practice: 5-4-3-2-1 method: name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste
thought stopping: interrupts anxiety loops by, literally, stopping the thought.
ex: Say “Stop” (silently or aloud)
mindfulness & meditation: mindfulness trains your brain to observe thoughts without attaching to them.
practice: 5–10 minutes of focused awareness (on breath, sound, or body) can help reduce anxiety.
journaling: write down your worries, thoughts, or a list of what's going right. Mental Health Benefits of Journaling (A Practice To Help You Live More Mindfully)
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
Want more reflections like this?
Subscribe to my IAMWELL Newsletter to receive grounded mental-health insights, somatic reflections, and friendly reminders to support a life rooted in slow living, wellbeing, and mind-body connection.
Curious about working together?
You’re welcome to book a brief, free consultation call — we can explore whether we feel aligned in working together. (Reach out HERE.)
Have thoughts or reflections?
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Let’s stay connected. You can find me on Instagram at @IAMKIMEGEL
*Blog image by visual artist & photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson
Honing A Growth Mindset (A Major Mental Health Hack)
The further I proceed along my personal growth journey; the more I realize how mindset is everything.
Lately, I keep circling back to the most simple of concepts in the world of psychology. There are new fancy names for old school psychological theories and practices providing material for in trend and eye catching branding, yet when it comes down to it; I like to lead with the powerful, simple truths.
I’m not fancy. I can promise you that I will always do my best to lead with truth and I ask you to call me out if I ever show up any other way but raw & real.
Lets get into exploring the power of a growth mindset so you can make any nips & tucks to your mindset in order to thrive and carry on in the way you truly desire.
What is a growth mindset?
A growth mindset is a concept popularized by Stanford professor and psychologist Carol Dweck. It’s the belief that our abilities, intelligence and what’s possible can be developed through dedication, effort, hard work and learning.
It’s a mindset that focuses on an internal locus of control. This means that we believe that we have a lot of control in terms of the changes and results that we can get from our life via the actions that we take, the persistence that we embody & the beliefs and mindset that we choose. A growth mindset is grounded by a belief that life could be better (and will be) as you take the actions to change your experience.
In simple terms; A growth mindset believes that your abilities can be developed through effort and learning.
So, what’s the opposite of a growth mindset?
What is a fixed mindset?
A fixed mindset is the opposite of a growth mindset. This way of thinking is limited and fixed based on what you believe to be your natural abilities. With a fixed mindset you tend to shy away from making effort and doing the hard work because you believes that if you don’t naturally embody it; you shy away from the challenge or hard work to attain it.
In a nutshell; it’s the thought that : “If I don’t have the natural ability; why try?” This thought is so because you see your abilities to be fixed.
With a fixed mindset; you’re limited in believing that your growth is based on your innate capabilities, which you believe to be unchangeable. Those with a fixed mindset tend to avoid challenges and see failure as a reflection of their inherent limitations.
You can see how this can lead to a big old train wreck of many missed chances and opportunities because of the cap that you’re putting on your own capabilities.
Let’s say it straight: A fixed mindset is the belief that abilities, intelligence, and talents are static traits that cannot be developed. This mindset likes to give a lot of credit to your talent; believing that talent alone determines success. With beliievng this to be true, you naturally put in less effort to improve or create change in your life.
How a Fixed Mindset Will Limit You:
1. Limited Growth and Development
People with a fixed mindset avoid challenges because they fear failure. This leads to complacency and stagnation.
2. Increased Fear of Failure
A fixed mindset makes failure very personal. Individuals see failure as a reflection of their abilities rather than an opportunity to grow & expand their skills.
This fear of failure leads to decreased risk-taking and innovation.
3. Avoidance of Challenges
With a fixed mindset individuals tend to stick to what they know rather than trying new things.
This results in missed opportunities for personal and professional growth.
4. Negative Self-Perception
Never trying anything new doesn’t allow you the space to prove to yourself that : YOU. CAN. DO. HARD. THINGS. This leads to the dangerous belief that you are incapable, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self worth.
When you don’t feel of high value you tend to take criticism more personally instead of constructively.
5. Difficulty in Relationships and Collaboration
How we feel about ourselves has everything to do with how we show up and respond within our relationships. Our ability to communicate effectively will be compromised with a negative self-perception.
6. Reduced Resilience
Challenging yourself will be limited with the mindset that if your not naturally gifted; you might as well not try. This leave you less resilient and not really up for a challenge.
Now; let’s get into the good stuff. It seems pretty obvious to me that the way to aim is toward cultivating a growth mindset.
Here are 7 science-backed benefits and key traits of having a growth mindset:
1. You’re More Resilient, Persistent & Motivated
Research shows that taking on a growth mindset increases resilience, perseverance and motivation by encouraging individuals to focus on overall improvement vs. specific performance goals. When the focus is on effort and development (on becoming better) we have a greater inner desire to learn and grow.
2. You’re Better At Problem-Solving
Our ability to think in creative and expansive ways increases with a growth mindset. A growth mindset allows us to think and challenge the limited constructs and standard conventional thinking of our world.
This is where innovation, new ideas and fresh perspectives live.
3. You Have Less Fear of Failure
With a growth mindset, failure is viewed as a learning experience rather than a lack of one’s abilities, allowing for more risk taking. Failure is aligned with an ability to take chances and expand one’s comfort zone rather that a knock on your personal abilities and sense of self.
This allows for less fear and anxiety around taking chances which leads to more self expansion & growth, which tends to expose and unleash your unlimited potential.
4. You Have Better Relationships
A study in Psychological Science by Yeager et al. (2013) found that individuals with a growth mindset were more likely to maintain positive relationships. These individuals where found to address conflicts constructively, as they believed that they could work through differences and improve their interpersonal skills.
When it comes to relationships, when we have a growth mindset we believe that relationships can evolve positively over time with effective communication and effort.
5. You’re More Self-Efficient & Confident
A growth mindset is all about learning and growing. Proving to ourselves that we can do hard things and learn new skills provides us with the self confidence to face new, unknown challenges. It allows us to go toward fear because we are continuously working the muscle of tolerating challenge and discomfort. When we practice proving to ourselves that we can get through and handle uncomfortable situations we increase our self confidence.
To say it straight: people with a growth mindset are more likely to set challenging goals, work hard to achieve them, try new things and bounce back from setbacks.
6. Your Mental Health is Better
Adopting a growth mindset allows us to combat feelings of learned helplessness, which is when an individual continuously faces a negative, uncontrollable situation and stops trying to change their circumstances, even when they have the ability to do so.
When challenges arise; a person with a growth mindset asks:
“What is this challenge here to teach me?”
vs
“Why is this challenge happening to me?”
Taking on a growth mindset helps us generally believe that hardships come and are sprinkled with life lessons. This leads us to view our struggles as opportunities for personal development vs. disasters trying to take us down.
remember; whatever you believe to be true; is true.
7. You Embrace Change
Embracing change and new situations is a skill set that you spend a lot of time conditioning with a growth mindset. You practice gently pushing yourself to experience positive change & new things because you know that those skills will help you to grow & expand. You realize that more opportunities for growth, a life fulfilled and self expansion live outside your comfort zone.
Do You Have A Growth or Fixed Mindset?
(questions to help you evaluate your mindset)
do you try to look more talented or smarter than others?
do you avoid challenges that could show any lack of natural talent?
do you tend to attribute success to natural ability rather than your hard work, persistence or effort?
do you think that needing to work harder than others means your less talented in comparison to them?
*If you answered yes to any of these questions; you may want to do some work on honing more of a growth mindset.
Final thoughts & story telling time
Success often comes from struggle, facing and overcoming hardship and challenges. Here’s a story of grit & persistence to really lock my point in.
A Story of Persistence and Success
Ed Sheeran is a singer/song writer who began his music journey as a teenager, performing at small gigs. In 2008, with just a backpack and guitar he moved to London,; playing in small venues and often sleeping on friends’ couches or on the streets when he had nowhere to stay.
After efforts to break into the music industry followed by rejections from record labels, he continued his persistence toward his dream by building his fan base through YouTube and social media. His breakthrough moment came in 2010 when he flew to Los Angeles without any sort of plan or connections and played at open mic nights. It was then that he caught the eye of actor and musician Jamie Foxx, who offered him his recording studio.
From there, in 2011, his career launched as he created and released an independent Collaborations Project, which gained online popularity and led to a record deal with Atlantic Records.
As you may or may not know; Ed Sheeran is a thing; he is a world renowned musician.
So there you have it; those of us who are able to believe in ourselves, face the challenges, the rejection, the struggle thrive. Persistence does pay off my friends. Some of us just quit too soon to see our dreams or wants pay off. If we keep going strong, something has to eventually catch us, right?
Why not believe this to be true?
I’ll never forget a moment in my life when I was at a cross roads and happened to sit by “the right” person on a plane ride to Big Island, Hawaii in my mid twenties. He was around my age and was going back to Hawaii to “see about a girl” (one of my favorite lines from Good Will Hunting) whom he had quickly & briefly fallen for weeks prior and was heading back to the islands to take a chance on love and risk putting his heart “out there” to see what could happen. (I sometimes wonder what happened to him and them.)
His ability to step into the unknown, be vulnerable and pursue where his heart wanted to be inspired me then and still does today when I think about that plane ride. It also makes me think of this quote:
“Leap and the net will appear.” – John Burroughs
So there you have it friends; hard work, courage, persistence, motivation, self confidence, raw & true belief in yourself, grit, mental strength, thinking outside the box; these are traits that can be honed with desire, patience and practice.
I believe in you; do you believe in yourself? I hope you do.
If not, I will believe in you, until you have the want or courage or what have you to believe in yourself.
Thanks for reading. Until next time.
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
Want more reflections like this?
Subscribe to my IAMWELL Newsletter to receive grounded mental-health insights, somatic reflections, and friendly reminders to support a life rooted in slow living, wellbeing, and mind-body connection.
Curious about working together?
You’re welcome to book a brief, free consultation call — we can explore whether we feel aligned in working together. (Reach out HERE.)
Have thoughts or reflections?
Feel free to comment or share — I’d truly love to hear what this brought up for you.
*Blog Image by Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Healing Through Whole Body Wellness (Mental Health & The Mind/Body Connection)
In order to decipher what the root issue may be when it comes to your mental health, I believe that establishing & maintaining a wellness lifestyle is a huge key step toward whole body wellness. In this article I’m going to focus on the facts of how interconnected our bodies and minds are and how that affects our mental health.
What is whole body wellness?
Healing through whole body wellness involves root issue, whole healing; it’s looking at all aspects of you as a person.
It’s not a quick fix. It’s not a two week diet; it’s about creating a positive, wellness lifestyle that sets the platform for a solid foundation for you to have positive ability to work through all the events, circumstances & issues that life presents. It’s designing and teaching a lifestyle to continually condition your body & mind for strength and wellness.
As I see it, we are innately designed to be aligned, in balance with and connected with our mind/ body / soul.
What happens all too often is we get pulled and disconnected from our mind / body by distraction, unhealthy influence, gimmicks and gadgets that promise us a quick fix and soon enough we’re completely detached and unaware of what our bodies need & want.
Whole body wellness in terms of mental health, is using the body and it’s messages (symptoms) to help you identify and address your mental health issues.
What does living a whole body wellness lifestyle mean?
I believe that being a cohesively whole & healthy person involves tending to all aspects of our health: our minds, our bodies, our spirit. A lifestyle of wellness considers all of these aspects. Therefore, how you live your life and the choices that you make for yourself, both big and small, align with the desire to live a well & balanced life.
HOW OUR BODIES SPEAK TO US
Our physical bodies are always trying to get our attention by sending us messages via our physical symptoms. This can be as basic as the feeling of physical thirst; the feeling of being thirsty is your body signaling to you that it needs water. As basic as this sounds, I can’t tell you how many smart, successful and well intended people I’ve witnessed end up in the emergency room because they were dehydrated.
Point being: It’s amazing how disconnected we can become from the messages that our bodies are telling us.
Here are some examples of what particular mental states will do to our physical body:
when we’re anxious we can will physically feel: a fast heartbeat, rapid breathing, upset stomach, digestive issues, sweating.
when we’re overworked we can physically experience symptoms such as: exhaustion, insomnia, muscle soreness, headaches, fatigue.
when we’re stressed we can physically experience skin issues like hives or itching, hair loss (long term), sore eyes, trouble sleeping, weakened immune system, digestive issues, chest pain, etc.
This shows how our bodies act as our personal alarm systems; our job is to decode what our symptoms are communicating to us.
A great question to ask when you experience a physical symptom is:
What is my body trying to tell me?
As we learn to take care of our physical bodies well, while also learning how to decode it’s messages; we will reconnect our body / mind.
THE MIND BODY DISCONNECT
It happens all too often when a client reaches out and explains that they are depressed. They usually tell me how they’re experiencing symptoms such as: restless sleep, headaches, fatigue, low mood and lack of motivation.
On the surface, this sounds like depression, right?
Well………
As I dig a bit further with questions around their physical health, I often discover that they:
“usually” fall asleep around 12-3am
eat poorly
never exercise
often forget to drink enough water
drink alcohol several days a week
are hooked to some bad habits such as overconsumption of screen time and social media
This information suddenly shifts my focus toward my clients basic self care habits. My job becomes about helping my client to physically regulate by supporting them in creating a wellness routine in order to weed out what could be going on with them mental health wise.
A lot of depressive symptoms mimic the symptoms that physically appear when we live a lifestyle of non movement & poor eating, self care & sleeping habits.
Without a healthy physical foundation to help ground and provide the kind of positive structure we all need to show up balanced and well; any sort of attempt to address any mental health issues becomes more difficult.
I’ve found that some symptoms that seem like there strictly mental health symptoms can be addressed and cleared at times with an intentional shift to create a wellness lifestyle.
(What I’m saying is that your chances of improving your mental health is aligned with how you look after your physical health; that is the notion behind whole health healing.)
Here are some physical symptoms that can be caused by a poor diet and lack of exercise:
Moodiness
A lack of protein can lead to low levels of dopamine and serotonin, which can cause symptoms of depression or aggression.Sleep disturbances
Caloric restriction or poor diet can disrupt sleep, causing difficulty falling asleep, and sleep interruptions.Weakened immune system
Not getting enough nutrients can make it harder for your immune system to fight infections, which can lead to frequent illness or illnesses that linger.Stiff joints
Under use of your joints can cause them to stiffen.Breathlessness
Without regular exercise the muscles that help your lungs move in and out become weak, leading to breathlessness.Low energy
Exercise helps deliver oxygen and nutrients to your tissues, not exercising your body results in low energy levels.High blood pressure
Not exercising and eating unwell can increase your risk of heart disease.Constipation
Poor diet and lack of exercise are common causes of constipation.Oral health issues
An over abundance of sugar in your diet can cause cavities, and not getting enough vitamin C can cause swollen or bleeding gums.Reproductive difficulties
When your body is not getting adequate nutrition, it prioritizes processes such as breathing and blood circulation over sex hormone production. This can reduce your sex drive and interrupt reproductive processes.
Here are some physical symptoms that can be caused by symptoms of depression:
Low Mood
Feeling chronically sad, anxious, numbed out or empty. You may also feel hopeless, pessimistic, or irritable.Loss of Interest
You may lose interest in activities that you used to enjoy. Experiencing a general loss of pleasure is common with depression.Sleep
You may have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, wake up too early, or sleep too much.Low Energy
You may feel tired or have a lack of energy, even after getting a good amount of sleep.Poor Concentration
You may have trouble concentrating, remembering details, or making decisions.Appetite
You may eat more or less than usual, or have no appetite.Pain
You may experience aches, pains, headaches, or stomach problems that don't improve with treatment.Thoughts
You may feel guilty, worthless, or helpless. You may also have thoughts of self harm or suicide.
How It’s All Connected : The Body / Mind Connect
As you can see many of the symptoms that are due to a poor wellness lifestyle mimic the symptoms of depression. There’s also the overlap of when you’re feeling depressed you don’t have the desire to do healthy, positive things for yourself.
So, is it the chicken or the egg? Did your poor physical health lead to your depression? Or did the depression lead to your poor physical health and unhealthy lifestyle? Sooner or later one is going to align with the other and cause negative consequences.
In order to understand what’s going on for you physically and mentally; establishing, maintaining and living a healthy wellness lifestyle is what’s going to help you uncover the potential mental health conditions that could be buried under the physical health symptoms.
Starting with what you can control such as what you eat, how much you sleep, how much you exercise, how much water or alcohol you drink; these are “the basics” that often go under acknowledged when it comes to looking at mental health.
Once your basics are more regulated you might find some relief of symptoms. This in itself can provide you with the needed motivation and energy to tend to your mental health issues.
Also, let’s say that after you’ve created and maintained a positive wellness routine for some time; you’re still having mental health and physical issues. If this is the case, continuing to weed out other possible physical causes of any symptoms is another suggested place to look for some answers.
*Making an appointment with your medical doctor to discover and address any physical aliments is a good way to continue to explore what can be lying underneath your mental health issues.
As your physical health becomes stabilized, that sets a great foundation to clearly be able to see what’s going on with your mental health. Looking into your mental health history entails identifying any past pains, hurts or events where there may be stagnant and unprocessed feelings, emotions, trauma, resistance or pain.
Ultimately, once something within us or something that happened to us is acknowledged, we can then work toward healing, acceptance and letting go.
MIND / BODY / SOUL HEALING
MIND
what therapy can do: (mind healing)
Therapy can teach healthy coping strategies, conflict resolution & communication skills. Generally speaking therapy can help a client identify, process & heal any underlying issues that may be contributing to symptoms of decreased mental health. Obviously there’s a lot more to it; but having a space that validates, hears you, supports and is a safe space for you to unpack difficult emotions and events can be extremely healing with the right person.
Therapy and the mind / body connection:
Somatic therapy involves looking to the body to help identify trapped or repressed emotions and through body work, breath work, attention to sensations and visualizations, these practices helps to “push them through.” Somatic therapy works to dissolve unprocessed emotions by identifying, acknowledging, addressing and helping the client find acceptance for any unhealed emotions. Somatic Experiencing is a type of therapy that is used to help treat trauma via exploring the mind / body connection.
BODY
what movement can do: (body healing)
Energy: exercise helps deliver oxygen and nutrients to our tissues, leading to an increase in overall energy.
Healthy Coping: movement helps us cope with difficult emotions by helping us work through them physically via breath and movement.
Increase Mood: Exercise releases endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine, which are chemicals in the brain that can boost happiness and well-being. 10 minutes of moderate exercise has been identified to have positive effects on the body / mind.
Decrease Stress: Exercise can help reduce stress and mental fatigue. It can also improve the functioning of the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which has been identified to lower cortisol secretion.
Improve Sleep: Improved sleep leads to a more vibrant, alert and steady mood.
Helps Cultivate a Sense of purpose:
Finding an activity, committing to it, gaining a community through it, while creating goals around it can all lead to creating purpose for your life.
Increases Self-esteem: Exercise brings structure, healthy routine and a sense of accomplishment to your life; all of which works to increase your self esteem.
Increases Brain function: Exercise can improve brain function, attention, focus, memory, cognition, language fluency, and decision-making.
Increase Ability to Emotionally Regulate
(when we’re not emotionally regulated; we’re dysregulated, which leads to all sorts of mental health issues. Feel free to read more about emotional regulation and tools and coping strategies here.
SOUL
what mindfulness can do: (spirit/ soul healing)
Mindfulness is “a type of meditation that involves focusing on being aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment, without judgment or interpretation.” - google
Mindfulness is a skill that teaches you to be more present so you can learn how to “live in the moment” instead of living in the past (where depression lives) or in the future (where anxiety lives.)
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy / DBT therapy is a type of therapy that focuses on teaching distress tolerance skills, while helping the client to understand & accept emotions. Learning how to be mindful is another key part in DBT.
Whole body wellness is a concept as a former athlete and therapist that I believe in so fiercely. It’s what I base my practice around and what I live by myself. Treating the whole person by looking at all aspects of how they are functioning is how we can address and identify the whole cohesive picture of what could be happening for someone.
In my opinion; this is how true healing occurs as it’s all connected.
Resources
BOOKS THAT SUPPORT WHOLE BODY WELLNESS HEALING
When the Body Says NO / Gabor Mate, M.D.
The Body Keeps the Score / Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
The Energy Codes / Dr. Sue Morter
Shop Wellness
Shop my favorite wellness products that i have hand selected and use myself on my SHOPMY page. Find selected self care products that I love.
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
Want more reflections like this?
Subscribe to my IAMWELL Newsletter to receive grounded mental-health insights, somatic reflections, and friendly reminders to support a life rooted in slow living, wellbeing, and mind-body connection.
Curious about working together?
You’re welcome to book a brief, free consultation call — we can explore whether we feel aligned in working together. (Reach out HERE.)
Have thoughts or reflections?
Feel free to comment or share — I’d truly love to hear what this brought up for you.
*Images by photographer Renata Amazonas.
Unpacking Overachievement (Perspectives to Help You Find Balance)
What’s your relationship with achievement? Do you allow your achievements to define your sense of self? Where is most of your energy going? To achieve (driven by the external) or to create (driven by the internal)?
Why does it matter and what’s the difference, right? Lets get into it…..
At first glance you might put these two terms in the same category; they both center around the concept of doing. They might seem one in the same, however the intention behind creating vs. achieving is very different.
They both have their benefits given that they’re used in a balanced and intentional way.
A different intention creates a different result. A result that is born from true, authentic intention will always bring more betterment for all involved.
Creating is guided by the inward makings of who you are, while achieving is driven by the external world. Meaning that, what we are told, what we have to do to get what we want or unconsciously think we should do, is what’s leading when it comes to achieving.
Lets dive into differentiating these two terms and see if clarifying them can help you design a life based on your own truth & terms and from the unique foundation of who you are vs. who you are told or taught to be by others.
TO CREATE
Create: to put into existence; to cause something to happen as a result of one’s actions.
We. Are. Creative. Beings. There’s a freedom in this statement as creativity has no box (unless our man made instincts put one on it.) Creativity comes in all forms, sizes, mediums and expressions. Your way of creating is your unique expression to define.
When I speak of creativity, I’m talking about aspects beyond art. I clarify this because I’ve come across many whom believe that creativity is a word only for the “artists” & “creatives” of the world. (Remember; However you define yourself to be is true, be mindful of how you self identify.)
If you deem that you’re a creative, you will be way more likely to create. On the other hand, having the limiting belief that you are not creative is how you detached from the creative aspects of yourself.
*Tip: Be mindful of putting a creative limit on yourself. Let me remind you that you are creative. We all are. What is required is for you to decode how your unique creativity is to be unleashed. Begin rediscovering how your creativity is expressed by reconnecting to the belief that you are a creative person.
Your creativity is expressed within every choice you make. (Whether you acknowledge this or not.) How you organize your day and what you fill it with is a creative act. Where you choose to live, how you choose to live, what you decide is high priority, the way you think, the way you spend your days and the people you choose to fill them with are all creative choices.
These choices create what is your life. These choices directly align with how you feel. Overtime these continuous micro choices that make up your days make up the essence and energy of your overall life.
As we’ve all heard; You are the creator of your own life. Truly owning this fact is where our outward lives can shift and change in a way that’s aligned with who we are internally.
Creating is very personal. Creating is an inward art. Your creative process is something to protect, practice and hold true to you. It’s your sacred work.
It’s very different than achieving.
TO ACHIEVE
Achieve: to succeed in something, to gain, to obtain, as a result of exertion; to succeed in gaining, to win.
With achieving being outwardly based, the energy behind it tends to be “louder” because it’s less personal and more defined by our society. This is not good or bad; it just is. This is not my attempt to point you toward creating vs. achieving. There’s a time and place for both. They are both needed and productive in their own right.
The key is being able to decipher where the balance point lives within each concept. That has to do with you; What you want. What you desire. What you need to achieve to get to what you want & when to realize that it’s time to listen to your inward callings and create.
Q: Is it time to achieve or create?
Here’s a personal example for you: There was a time in my life where my “achieving” was necessary in order to create the business I have now. My writings, my words, the way I work with my clients, I can confidently say is a creative act. However, I “needed” the degree (achievement) and required amount of training hours & internships to be considered a “licensed therapist” (achievement) to be here now; Creating.
It takes intention and discernment to keep the act of achieving healthy since it’s more aligned with external accolades and outside acknowledgment & validation.
One negative habit I see continually in my work with client’s is the mistake of attaching self worth to achievement. This alignment between being “good enough” and what we deem we need to achieve to be “good enough” is what I recommend that you keep your eye on.
It can be sneaky to detect if you’ve tangled the two up. Knotting these two concepts up is more likely to happen if you were raised in an environment where you were overly praised for doing and achieving; Basically, where there was a lot of emphasis put on what you can (and should) do vs who you are. (Note: This is something to further unpack if you feel that there was a dynamic in your upbringing where you felt only truly acknowledged when you where outwardly achieving.)
Achieving becomes dangerous when it becomes a NEED to validate your self worth vs. a healthy accomplishment.
For Clarity: (*It does feel good to meet a goal and achieve something you have worked hard for; That’s healthy. What’s unhealthy is when your sole purpose of doing and achieving is to mask the fact that you have no self worth unless you are constantly doing, gaining, getting; Achieving.)
When your goals of what you want to achieve begin to drain and exhaust you, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate the Why behind what you’re doing something for.
Here are some good questions to reflect on to help you evaluate your WHY:
Am I doing this for me or for how I believe I will be received by the outside world if I achieve this goal?
Where is the energy of this desire of mine coming from? My heart (my essence) or my head (my logic)?
Is my desire to accomplish this coming from something true within or from who I think I should, want or was told to be?
Just to be clear, there’s nothing wrong with achieving and accomplishing. It’s only unhealthy when it’s out of balance. Achieving is very beneficial when it gets you to where you want to go. The key is to achieve for reasons that are driven by a healthy part of you; not an unhealed aspect of yourself.
In order to keep our relationship with anything healthy, we are required to have balance. To keep your desire for achieving in balance; It’s important to stay intentional about where your need to achieve is coming from.
Keep these 3 points in mind in order to keep your relationship with achieving healthy:
1. Be mindful of maintaining a healthy level of self worth regardless of your achievements.
2. Be aware of believing that checking more boxes in life leads to more happiness or success.
3. Generally, be aware of the meaning you put to the things that you go after in your life. Ex; “I’ll be better when I get (fill in the blank)”
Sometimes when we get so swept up by the endorphins and positive external feedback that we receive from achieving, we become addicted to doing more and more. We can confuse achieving with evolving. When this becomes our way of thinking and functioning, we’ve created a system that never allows us to stop checking the boxes, because if we do, our level of self worth will plummet.
It could be really eye opening to do some work around your specific relationship with what the driving force is behind your need/desire to achieve.
The bottom line is that knowing your self worth comes from within. No amount of degrees, medals, or big, bold letters after your name will make you feel good enough permanently. (Although, it can temporarily.) Truly valuing who you are and honing aspects of self love, self respect and being intentional about what it is that gives you a sense of purpose is where inner peace lies. Ultimately, being able to feel happy with yourself no matter what or who is acknowledging you is a healthy and centered place to be.
Living a lifestyle based on creativity allows for inspired action, which I see as the “true artist” mentality. It’s creating for the sake of creating because you’re being called forth to put something out into the world. This inspired call comes from a very depthful place within.
Living a lifestyle solely based around achieving will keep you very connected to what others’s outside of you are doing, which leads to comparison. A heavy achievement based focus can confuse your relationship with your self worth by placing too much validation on external accomplishments vs. who you are.
Too much emphasis on your inner creative workings can make you overly inward and isolative. Ultimately, the key is balance. It’s knowing when to put the gas on creating and the brakes on achieving and vice versa. It’s also simply knowing when to BE. Meaning to BE in a state of neither.
No external factor will give you life long happiness. Like I mentioned earlier; that can only come from within. We know this; it’s just a matter of reminding ourselves from time to time.
Thanks for reading. I hope this has gifted you with some clarity or food for thought to help you reflect.
*Above image is by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Self Trust: Why It's So Important & Practices to Build It
Trust is a fragile thing. Once broken can it fully be repaired?
There are some lines that some may cross, which are too much for us to bear. Someone compromising our trust is one thing; however, when we compromise the trust that we hold with ourselves, problems begin to appear in our lives.
How much you trust yourself dictates how much others will trust you. This impacts how everything pans out in your life.
Pause. Take that in. Allow it to resonate; Deeply.
It’s common for us to pay a lot of attention to our external relationships, which, no doubt are incredibly important. However, the relationship we hold with ourself is The Ultimate. The level of trust and respect that we have for ourself is dictating everything.
Our language and the words we speak highlight the relationship that we have with ourself. Being intentional about the words we say, both internally and externally, can shift our lives. When we’re consistently clear, intentional and respectful with our words, we build a level of self trust that creates a strength of character that’s invaluable.
The truth is, every time that you say you’re going to do something and you don’t follow through with your word, you chip away at the relationship that you hold with yourself. Meaning, you become, little by little, out of alignment with your truth.
Just as if someone outside of you wasn’t clear or “of their word,” when you’re inconsistent and don’t do what you say, you compromise a trusting, healthy relationship with You. Over time, if you keep incongruent words and actions up, you’ll stop believing your words and ability to act, which is a huge problem.
It’s bigger than big problem. It’s something to greatly pay attention to: Your accountability with and to your own Self.
Once self trust is broken or compromised, there’s a myriad of negative effects that will result: Low self concept, low confidence, self doubt, feelings of inferiority, scarcity about life and what you can accomplish; the list goes on and it’s not pretty.
Unclear, vague language keeps us stuck. False negative stories that we hold about ourself keeps us stuck. Both of these things keeps us “in the struggle.” (no thank you) It keeps us complaining. It keeps us small. It keeps us from living to our full potential. It keeps our confidence at bay. It keeps us doubting our capabilities.
There’s no need for this when intentional words and healthy thoughts, beliefs and stories can take the place.
We choose our language. We choose our beliefs, whether it feels like we do or not. At the end of the day; It’s our choice. This can be hard to see and accept, but the acknowledgement and acceptance of that fact can change your life.
It’s not necessary to suffer the consequences of unclear language when you can hone the art of being direct and clear. Your relationship with Self will begin to be cleared up by becoming more intentional about two main items:
The thoughts, beliefs and words you say internally (the quality of your self talk, what personal limits and beliefs you hold)
What you say externally to yourself and others via your conversations and comments.
Below is an example of how you can begin to clarify and correct your language.
Practice to Increase Self Trust: Use Clarifying Language
from: I can’t
to: I don’t or I choose not to
“I can’t drink tonight because I’m on a 30 day cleanse.” to “I’m choosing not to drink this month.” or “I don’t drink anymore.”
from: probably or maybe
to: I will
“I probably will make it to the party.” to “I will make it to the party.”
from: I have to
to: I choose too/ I get to
“I have to go to my friends event.” to “I get to go to my friends event.”
from: I don’t know
to : I’ll figure it out
“I don’t know what to do about my business.” to “I’ll figure out with time what to do about my business.”
As you begin to speak differently, both internally and externally, you will organically begin to shift your relationship with your (Self.) Think of a friend that starts talking to you with more kindness, love, patience and care. It would impact and shift your friendship for the better.
It’s truth. It’s not complicated. Don’t complicate it. Free yourself and suffer much less by clarifying your language.
The big, overarching shift is your acknowledgment and ownership of your words, actions and how you’re showing up, first and foremost, to your own self and then to others and the world.
Today’s Practice: Be mindful of your self talk as well as how you talk externally with others. Watch your inner dialogue. Witness it. Be the observer and see what you discover about the health of your language. If you notice it can be corrected with more kind and loving tones, be intentional about shifting it. Over time you can shift your relationship with yourself by changing your words, tone and becoming more intentional and clear.
Much love friends. As always, thanks for reading.
*Images by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson for @worn_culture.
What's Your Emotional Weapon? (Unpacking Defense Mechanisms)
My younger self used the emotional weapon of punishment. My punishment was silent. My quiet judgement and blocked off heart couldn’t be seen or heard, but it was.
This “punishing” behavior was extremely unconscious on my part, although, if i think back to my earlier relationships, particularly with men, I see how when I was hurt or disappointed, I punished.
Like so many of us, my claws came out when I was hurt, in pain and let down.
I cringe writing that, however it’s the truth.
The truth sometimes, and often, is not pretty, is uncomfortable and can make you feel the ick. I own this past aspect of my behavior and choose to expose it, for it’s a reminder of my growth, imperfection and journey.
Punishing is what I knew. It’s what was done to me; so it’s what I did to others. Isn’t that how it goes?
So often it is; we do to others, what was done to us.
Punishment is not a “defense mechanism” that I listed below, however it’s mine to speak of and, in this space with this particular topic, worth mentioning. I had a parent that I watched “punish” others when they felt wronged by ignoring, silent treatment, shaming, criticism, etc.
I still have to be mindful and aware of my initial response when i feel disappointment because, as we all know, old habits die hard. These days my response to feeling disappointment and hurt shows up as withdrawing and isolating. It’s shifted to more of a “self punishment” rather than an outward one. That’s the defense mechanism that I have to keep my eye on.
*Journal Prompt: What’s your defense mechanism? What do you need to keep your eye on? What do you do when you’re treated unfairly or get results from life that brings up undesirable feelings?
Defense mechanisms are ways that we, either consciously or not, have learned to protect ourselves from psychological harm. The problem is that, often, they are negative ways of coping that we developed in our younger years by modeling behavior of what was done to us. Defensive behaviors also result as ways to cope with hard feelings when we’re not emotionally or mentally equipped to know or do any different.
It takes awareness to be intentional and choose a healthy response when we’re dealing with hard circumstances. It takes emotional intelligence to handle things in a healthy way if we were never taught to do so. It takes emotional intelligence and a healthy amount of self awareness to handle life and all the challenges and feelings it exposes us too; Period.
Food for Thought: Defense mechanisms that come out more intensely in our adulthood could point to unhealed insecurities from our childhood.
Let’s go over some common defense mechanisms that we might use to cope that can be causing havoc in our lives and relationships. *Note: We’re all human and, most likely have times when defensive behaviors arise. In this particular post, I’m not speaking to the human condition of having a bad day and having a moment where a behavior that’s doesn’t highlight your best self temporarily overtakes you.
In this post I’m speaking to when the way you’re consistently responding to life, via your defensive behaviors, is causing harm. When these behaviors and forms of protection become tools for how you handle your uncomfortable feelings consistently, that’s when there’s something to reflect and shine a light on.
11 Common Defense Mechanisms
Denial: Refusing to acknowledge real facts or circumstances that lead to anxiety or unpleasant emotions. Denial can also involve altering the meaning of an event so that its impact is diverted and denied. Example: If something important to you goes wrong, in order to cope, you might twist reality by convincing yourself that “you just don’t care.”
Projection: Attributing a threatening urge, impulse, or aspect of oneself to someone else. Projection is a way of putting your unpleasant feelings or circumstances onto another. For example, instead of acknowledging that you’re mad at someone, you may accuse the other of being mad at you.
Rationalization: Justifying or validating a mistake or problem with logic and reasoning. Creating an acceptable but incorrect explanation of a situation. An attempt to validate an action, behavior or truth into something it’s not.
Intellectualization: Thinking about something logically, coldly and without emotion. It’s where intricate thinking is used to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Avoidance: Avoiding handling a problem by non acknowledgment. With avoidance, you’ll dismiss any uncomfortable or negative thoughts or feelings without trying to understand them. You might also avoid people or places that make you feel uncomfortable.
Repression: Blocking difficult thoughts from your conscious awareness. Keeping a thought, feeling, or memory of an experience out of consciousness. It’s the “forget about it” approach. Things such as forbidden desires, painful or emotionally difficult situations could be what you would repress.
Reaction formation: Doing the opposite of what you would really like to do. Example: Going out of your way to be nice to someone you really disliked?
Regression: Returning to an earlier or more childlike form of defense. Physical and psychological stress may sometimes lead people to abandon their more mature self and defense mechanisms. Example: Whining in a childlike manner on a first date would be a display of regression.
Displacement: Substituting aggression with a substitute object. Example: being frustrated with your dad, so you’re mean to your girlfriend.
Compartmentalization: Separating components of your life into different detached catagories in order to avoid conflicting emotions. Seeing aspects of your life as separate verses a cohesive whole of what your life is and who you are. Example: “Whatever happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico.”
Compensation: The act of overachieving in one area to compensate for failure in another. “This psychological strategy allows people to disguise inadequacies, frustrations, stresses, or urges by directing energy toward excelling or achieving in other areas. While it can be beneficial at times, it can also cause problems when it is overused or misapplied.” (verywellmind)
Healing Defensive Coping
Learn & develop healthy coping skills: Examples could be establishing more effective ways to communicate, committing to regular exercise, establishing healthy boundaries, engaging in a consistent yoga or meditation practice or evolving your level of self awareness and growth.
Seek therapy: Having an environment that encourages and supports your personal growth can help you identify and shift any negative behaviors and ways of coping that you might be doing.
Increase your level of self awareness: As you increase your level of self awareness you will increase your awareness of any behaviors that you might be doing that are unhealthy or negatively impacting your life and relationships.
As always, so much of “the work” when it comes to personal wellness is continually doing and exposing yourself to things that help you grow and evolve as a human. Stay open and courageous enough to admit where there’s “work” to be done and continue to embark on the journey toward your best self.
Cheers friends. Wishing you well.
*Above image by Amy Lynn Bjornson taken of her clothing line @jadedclothing
Self Worth (Tips to Improve Your Sense of Self)
When our self worth is low, our self beliefs are limited, compromised, negative and tend to be filled with doubt, shame and guilt. Low self worth leads to a slew of problems for us; We attract low grade relationships, opportunities and experiences because what’s drawn toward us is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
A reflection is defined as acting as a mirror. This simply means that others behavior toward us reveals your own self beliefs and feelings that we hold about ourselves. Outer events are a mirror of our inner psyche.
Whatever we believe to be true is true. This comes into play greatly with what we believe about ourselves.
If we believe we can; we can. If we don’t believe that we can do it, achieve it or be it; we are right.
If you hold the belief, “I am not worthy,” this belief will be reflected back to you from the outside world. The actions that you’ll receive from others will manifest in the form of disrespectful behavior, a lack of appreciation and not being taken seriously.
The problem is, when you already feel crummy about yourself, it’s a given that this external response from the world will knock you down further. Unfortunately, it can be all too tempting to use this response as evidence to further your self loathing and shame. It’s really hard to fight against such frustrating, hurtful and unpleasant reflections. However, as you gain more self worth, love and respect, you’ll have the ability to do so and with that will come positive change for you both inwardly and outwardly.
The reality is; that an outside response toward you is not personal. It’s often just a reflection of your own internal beliefs and thoughts about yourself. That’s it; nothing more to read into. External responses are highlighting the relationship that you have with yourself.
(I know I’m repeating myself here, however it’s intentional as it’s my attempt for you to witness the alignment of your internal feelings about yourself to how others respond to you. This is playing out and this has always been playing out in your life.)
The good news is that you have full control over the relationship you have with Self. As you begin to commit to a self love practice and start to increase your level of self worth, the result that you get from the outside WILL shift and change.
It’s energetically how it works.
Be mindful of going toward “A false fix.” Meaning, “putting a bandaid on the problem” or wounds that need healing as an attempt to mask your low self worth. Be mindful of masking your low concept of self by operating at the ego level. Our ego gets it’s kicks via outward attention and applause. Self worth gained via our ego looks like attaining nicer possessions, higher status, higher pay, more power and control. Our defensive and insecure behaviors will be present when the ego is in the drivers seat. Operating from the ego is not the way to go for true, core healing. Ultimately, the masks you put up will fall down and your fragile sense of self will be revealed in some way, shape or form.
As the saying goes, the truth prevails.
True confidence is quiet.
Thought work: Changing your core beliefs. Changing your core beliefs will change your life. This “work” requires you to take responsibility for how you’ve been thinking about your life and yourself and deciding to change it. Changing your beliefs will change the way the external world responds to you. Most importantly, it will change the way YOU respond to YOU.
Journal Prompt: Are your core beliefs working for you or against you?
Examine what your current core beliefs are. I encourage you to explore your relationship with the key areas of your life; love, money, relationships, work, health.
What do you believe to be true about these foundational areas of your life?
Where are there limits within your belief system?
After exploring what your core beliefs are, you will have more information to understand and explore how your belief system has and is impacting your level of self worth. You should be able to see how your beliefs and level of self worth align. Meaning, if you’re being really authentic with yourself, you will see how your belief systems and sense of self match like puzzle pieces.
Here are some tips to help you work on your level of self worth.
8 Tips to Increase Your Sense of Self
improve your self talk
accept imperfection & your human moments
watch your habit of comparison
surround yourself with people that have healthy & positive influence & energy
surround yourself in environments that allow you to tap into your strengths and passions
practice self forgiveness
practice turning around self judgmental thoughts with thought work
develop a gratitude practice
Thought work- Turn around self judgmental thoughts via awareness and your commitment to shift your self judgmental thoughts as they appear. Self judgement is unproductive, harmful, unnecessary and not doing anything for you. The key to shifting your self judgmental thinking is to replace your judgmental thoughts with kind, loving, self serving thoughts, which eventually will help you arrive at self acceptance.
Self compassion/ Self kindness- the ability to be kind to oneself.
Note: Guilt and shame act as barriers to our self compassion, which compromises are overall level of self worth. Self kindness helps us heal our low self worth by orchestrating deep repair work (repairing our relationship with Self.)
Self judgement is not based in reality.
This means that when we’re caught in self judgement we’re immediately pulled out of the present moment. The symptom of being unrooted from the present will be dwelling and feeling guilt for the past.
It’s important to note that the tug of the past is strong. It’s powerful and it can easily pull you into a spiral of guilt and shame. In order to avoid being "sucked down the rabbit hole” by guilt and shame it’s essential to remind yourself that:
You’re not the past. The past YOU is not the present YOU.
The reality is that you’re the YOU in this present moment, here and now. That’s different from the YOU that you’re reflecting on from the past. Grounding yourself in the NOW is where the healing and expansion of self lies. This is why practices such as meditation and yoga are such major vessels for core healing. Any practice, really, that allows you to find peace and solitude within the Self will help you be in the present.
Ultimately, overcoming self judgement is the key to tapping into your authentic self.
To say it clearly; being compassionate and kind to yourself in the present moment will help increase your level of self worth.
In Summary / Q & A
Q: How do I get into the present moment and begin increasing my level of self worth?
A: By caring for yourself. The raw act of self care is what brings you into the present moment. Presently “feeding” yourself loving feelings, kind thoughts and engaging in healthy, positive activities and routines leads to increased self worth. Committing to a self care practice and working on eliminating self judgement from your internal dialogue, overtime, will lead to a positive shift in your sense of self.
*Self Love Meditation Suggestion: Place place both of your hands over your heart and continue to inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Ask Yourself: How does it feel when I place my hand over my heart? Continue to focus on your breathe. On each inhale think: I AM WORTHY / On each exhale think: I AM ENOUGH / Continue breathing in and out while noticing the emotions that come up through out your practice.
Cheers to you my friends. If I have one wish for you, it’s for you to go through your days with an expanded and healthy sense of Self. Your level of self worth is dictating everything. Please be kind and loving to yourself. Doing so will help you attain what you are looking for in this life.
An Invitation For You
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RADICAL HONESTY (what it is & how it will expand your self growth)
One practice that can expand your level of self growth is radical honesty.
What is Radical Honesty?
Radical Self honesty calls the suppressed parts of self to the surface. It’s a practice that asks you to be 100% authentic (or as truthful as you’re capable of at the moment) with yourself. Especially the parts of self that are easy to blow off, ignore or hide because of the uncomfortable emotions and feelings connected with those parts or life experiences.
At some time or another, we’ve all probably experienced the struggle that comes with opening up about certain topics and emotions that are uncomfortable and sensitive. It’s like touching an injured physical part of yourself. It’s tender and sensitive to the touch until it heals.
The emotional parts of self are no different. We just can’t physically see our emotionally wounded parts, which makes it easier for some of us to compartmentalize them or ignore what needs healing and attention.
From first glance this concept can seem trivial, simple even. You might even wonder why I’m writing a whole blog post on the topic of honesty. I mean, what more is there to say? Be honest with yourself, simple, right?
W E L L………
From my experience as a therapist, one thing that I’ve continuously witnessed through the years is how hard it can be for some of us to see and face “the truth.” The truth meaning the hard facts of what did happen, what is happening and what it all means and where it has placed us on this ever moving, giant, blue & green colored (as pictured in my head) ball called Earth.
Why I’m writing this post: So you stop or don’t start hiding from your truth.
Radical honesty, however simple it may seem to some, is something that many of us hide from.
Many of us do hide from our uncomfortable parts. Many of us live our entire lives hiding.
Some of us never get to a moment in our lives where we can fully see and accept the truth of what happened or didn’t happen and where we are now because of how everything has fallen into place.
The concept of radical honesty is vast. It’s big. It requires bravery to admit the truth. Especially a truth that’s dirty, scary and is filled with shame and embarrassment. Facing such a thing is a huge feat. Please don’t downplay it and honor this courageous act on your part.
Why Practice Radical Honesty?
Until we stop hiding from our truth, it will be merely impossible to not distract, avoid or numb out. We have to keep up our unhealthy distractions to continue to black out the screams coming from our unhealed parts.
Not accepting what is or what happened is where addictions are born. It’s where disconnected relationships live, primarily the disconnect within yourself. So, to say it straight, being fully transparent with yourself is a key ingredient to an expanded self.
“Your ability to see yourself through the lens of radical honesty is the foundation of emotional maturity, and this vantage point will help you make decisions from a place of active clarity, instead of a place of passive unconsciousness.” - Lighter, Yung Pueblo (love him!)
3 Major Benefits of Radical Honesty
More clarity within. More clarity within allows you to make life decisions and every day choices that align with your true self, which, (you guessed it) will lead to results that are more fit for you. Opportunities, people and life will play out in a way that’s more in tune with who you are at the core.
Facing what’s scary and hard is what allows “it” to lose it’s power over you. The hardest part of facing what’s scary is building yourself up to face it or do it. However, usually, once we get ourselves to do just that, (confront the beast) what was so scary looses it’s power over us. (*Also, usually, it’s never as scary as we thought. )
I encourage you to, little by little, go toward your fear and, over time, with intention and doing the work, your fear will diminish.
You will attract more authentic people and experiences to you because authentic self honesty attracts authentic external honesty. Simply put; Honesty internally attracts honesty externally. It’s that simple. It’s that magnetic.
Problems That Arise When Were Not Radically Honest With Ourselves
The truth is, whatever we don’t fully heal doesn’t miraculously go away. As we have all heard, the only way out is through and so is true with difficult emotions. Anything that we haven’t fully processed will manifest and be expelled in some other way, shape or form. Repressed emotions can be expressed through your anxiety, your anger, your over eating, your overuse of alcohol, your lack of self confidence or your depression. Need I say more?
This post is to encourage you to look toward the parts of self that need and are calling for your attention. In order for any issue, past trauma or stuck emotion to heal, it needs to “face the light” in order to be tended to and laid to rest peacefully within.
My intention for guiding you toward your “uncomfortable” aspects of self is, not to torture you, rather it’s to expand you. My intention is to help you heal and get beyond the blocks that are holding you back.
(Before I go further, I would love to clarify the following: *This post is not focused toward persons who have experienced high levels of trauma. In the case of high trauma it’s important to work with an experienced professional to unpack unprocessed traumatic events.)
Who is this post for?
This post is for the person whose functioning, yet is experiencing a lack of fulfillment and blockage, whether conscious or not, due to a denial of the truth. Meaning, a person whom either lacks self awareness or is consciously choosing to deny the truth of what has happened or what is happening in their present moment experience.
Are you with me? I hope so, because looking at something that has been buried away within can be really intimidating, but worth the work.
In order for you to identify your unique “hard truth(s),” I will ask you to spend some time looking at any avoidant behaviors or topics where you experience resistance. *Note: Usually, distractions, busyness, addictions and negative habits are formed, unconsciously or not, for us to avoid what we don’t want to admit, deal with or look at. Generally, we avoid in order to numb out difficult aspects of ourselves. This is a defense mechanism in order to keep a difficult truth away. This is what leads us down a road of struggle.
Oh, the struggle is real too.
When we have a habit of turning our attention away from the truth, negative habits & distractions build, while creating major havoc in our lives.
Questions for Self Reflection & Exploration of Blocked Truths
Here are 4 questions to help you explore and potentially help you discover the areas of your own life where you may be hiding or avoiding “the truth.”
What topics (if any) do you avoid when they come up? (in life, in conversation?)
What do you do to avoid thinking about or talking about such a topic? (change the subject, push it away, etc)
Are you experiencing any symptoms that are effecting your emotional and/or mental wellness? (ex: trouble sleeping, anxiety, depression, lack of energy, low self concept, feeling lost, etc)
Are there any insights that you have about your behaviors or symptoms which you intuitively know are connected with a tendency to pull away from your truth?
“Okay! I’m ready! How do I practice radical honesty?”
Questions to Help You Untangle Your Hidden or Rejected Truths
How do you face things that feel too scary and difficult to face?
Generally speaking, little by little and maybe with the help of a professional depending on the level of resistance and blockage around “your truth” and lack of acceptance of what is. Start with respecting and accepting where you’re at in terms of your relationship with the truth. It’s like anything in life that feels really intimidating or nearly impossible, you just go one step at a time and build on that.
Also, increasing your level of introspection, self awareness and emotional intelligence will help you gain the tools and confidence to go toward the “scary” stuff.
How do you accept things that feel impossible to accept?
It might take awhile to find and arrive at “acceptance.” It’s a process to work through hard issues, losses and moments in our lives where there is resistance. Begin with accepting where you are currently. Whether it’s pretty or not. The concept of shift and change begins with acceptance.
What are strategies that can help me face hard emotions around the “truth” of my current circumstances & past?
Make sure your words are matching your actions. Does what you say match what you do? Are you telling yourself and others the truth (a fact) or a story (a fantasy?) Start practicing radical honesty by being truthful on a daily basis with simple things.
Allow space for difficult emotions to come up, process and be experienced so they can pass. Allow a figurative “winter season” to be there. You might find yourself wanting more quiet or more sleep during this period of pushing through hard emotions. Heads up: Doing this work can feel exhausting not only mentally, but physically too.
In a nutshell; Be gentle & patient with yourself.
All my feedback speaks generally to how to start doing the deep inner work that being radically honest requires. There’s work to be done beyond this blog post, but if you feel like these words have opened something up for you, there are a lot of ways to continue to build your level of self to further explore your suppressed parts.
For some this might mean seeking out a licensed mental health professional. Some might want to start with getting their self care basics in order (see below.) Some might want to sit with the words from this post and see what opens up from allowing this material to sink in.
Here are some general practices, that when done consistently and when they become a lifestyle, really help to balance your energy and help you expand to your best version of self.
Practices that Encourage Further Self Growth & Awareness
find a mental health therapist to further explore (if appropriate & the right next step for you)
develop a journaling practice
develop a meditation practice
move your body consistently
eat balanced & well
be mindful of your alcohol & caffeine intake
practice healthy boundaries with Yourself & Others
work on exploring your self identity
be consistent with your sleep schedule
(All these “little” things have the potential to lead to big change. I’ve seen clients change one small habit that, overtime, led to a massive life change. *Note: Don’t dumb down what tiny small shifts in everyday habits can do for your life.)
As always, thank you for reading. Thank you for being here with me. Truly. I’m always listening, so don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions, topic suggestions or whatever else I can help with. Cheers my friends!
The book I’m currently reading and loving: TINY BEAUTIFUL THINGS
*Above image is by photographer, Ashley Williams.
on letting go
”they asked her,
“what does letting go mean?”
she answered,
letting go does not mean erasing a memory or ignoring the past; it is when you are no longer reacting to the things that used to make you feel tense and you are releasing the energy attached to certain thoughts. it takes self-awareness, intentional action, practice, and time. letting go is the act of getting to know yourself so deeply that all delusions fall away.”
-Yung Pueblo from Clarity & Connection (I highly recommend this book!)
Q: How do you let go when you don’t know how to let go?
For some of us, it’s a skill that we don’t have to think that much about; We. Just. Let. Go. It’s a natural “knee jerk” reaction. This could be because of growing up with influences (like our parents) that naturally taught us to let go via example. Maybe in words. Maybe in actions, the point being that we had the very healthy example of non attachment, allowing and surrendering. All that is required with letting go.
And….drumroll….some of us did not have that example.
If you’re struggling with the process of letting go, this post is for you.
This read is for the person who tends to hold on real tight and suffers greatly when “things don’t go as planned” or feels “out of control.” A lack of flexibility and a constant need for control creates a lot of anxiety and stuck energy. “Stuck energy” will show up as a lack of flow and chronic frustration. Not “letting go” or (AKA) “not allowing” is usually partnered with a feeling that you will never get beyond the situation at hand.
This may or may not be conscious for the person who struggles with letting go, which is why my words present an opportunity for your self introspection. Pay attention to your unique relationship with the concepts of fear and control. Usually when we hold a lot of fear and find comfort in control, the act of letting go will be very difficult for us.
Our inability to let go can get physical:
When we suppress our feelings by ignoring them or burying them deep within, they cannot pass through and, therefore, remain stuck. A buildup of unprocessed emotions can manifest physically in our bodies: physical pressure across our bodies, specifically the back and neck. Some of the physical symptoms that you can experience are digestive issues, acne, achy joints, irritability, insomnia, headaches, to name some.
How to let go:
Instead of ignoring, escaping or blocking an emotion allow it to come up. (I know this is hard, especially for those of us who have created the habit of ignoring or avoiding our emotions.) The beginning of your healing journey toward letting go in a healthy way is to start allowing yourself to feel your emotions. Not selectively, but collectively. All of them. The good. The “bad” and the “ugly.” Accept them all for they all are screaming for a platform to be expressed and felt so they can feel heard and then settle in a peaceful way.
Be aware of false stories convincing you that “it’s better not to feel.”
Be aware of the rationalizations that the mind creates in an attempt to validate and defend negative feelings, “old stories” or stuck behaviors. We often have become very savvy at protecting ourselves from our difficult emotions, so we have set up some pretty convincing validation of why it’s better to avoid feeling or confronting our emotional world. (Again, this can be conscious or not.) *This is another opportunity for you to reflect on where you’re at with confronting or validating your specific emotions.
Questions to consider for journaling and reflection:
What events or feelings do you avoid thinking about?
What happens to you emotionally and physically when someone brings up a topic that is hard for you to talk about or think about?
How to allow an emotion to surface: (especially when it’s difficult) Just feel …….and feel ………..and feel until that emotion runs its course. Stay with it. Breath through it. Be with it and, eventually, with your commitment to feel, your patience to stay, it will pass friends. It will.
“Feelings are wordless.” To process feelings let the sensations or feelings come and go freely. Letting go is something that you can learn how to do if it’s a struggle for you. It does require your willingness and bravery to face the things, emotions and events that you have been avoiding or validating away.
My hope is for the above words and perspectives to help you grow and evolve. If you feel like you need more support with learning the skills to let go, feel free to reach out to me or check out this post on how to find an aligned mental health professional to help you with this process HERE.
* Above image is by Photographer, Renata Amazonas
Also, here’s the latest podcast that I was featured on. I was so happy to be on the @thoughtsmayvarypodcast. We cover the anxiety that can get created by over-intellectualizing, discovering our inner truths, how to build self trust and self worth and go over the mind, body connection. Check it out on any of the below platforms.
Listen on SPOTIFY / Listen on APPLE PODCASTS / Here’s the YOUTUBE
Signs of a Nervous Breakdown (And How to Survive It)
Image by AMY LYNN BJORNSON
When stress leads to symptoms of mental break down; that’s a clear sign that attention and action need to go toward your mental and emotional wellness.
Find the full article on this topic @lifehackorg.
Enjoy.
8 Ways of Coping to Relieve Anxiety
GET IN NATURE, BABY!
Breath fresh air. Sit in the salty sea. Listen to the sounds of natural elements. Do what you need to do to get in nature and feel, hear, see and experience the natural healing that will occur when you do.
DITCH YOUR TIMELINE
Trust that life and all the events that you desire are on there way and will come to you when they’re meant too. When we dismiss the idea that there is divine timing at play in life, we tend to freak out and push and pull toward what we believe should be happening. Trust in life’s direction and you will start feeling less anxiety as you allow life to direct you without your resistance.
STOP OVERWHELMING YOURSELF WITH SHOULDS & WHAT IF’S
If it should happen, trust that it will. If it does happen, trust that there’s lessons for you to learn. Catch yourself from going down the rabbit hole of the what if’s & shoulds of life.
BE PRESENT
Be where you’re at. Your life is this moment, right now. Getting too far ahead with planning or too far behind with dwelling and ruminating about past events, you will completely lose the beauty of the now. Stay present friends.
GET CONNECTED TO YOUR BODY
Move that beautiful body of yours. Get your blood pumping and allow your endorphins to release. You will feel better for it. It’s a sure thing.
GO SLOWER
When in doubt, slow down. This life is so busy these days, more so than ever with the over abundance of demands and electronics always at our finger tips. Take fasting days from social media. Close down the lap top and learn to slow your mind. Make less plans, do less and see how you feel.
EVALUATE THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
Who you spend your time with is who you’ll become more alike. Choose your company wisely because the power of influence is a real thing.
TIDY HOME; TIDY MIND
If you haven’t noticed, there’s a huge correlation between your internal space (your mind space) and your external space (the space in which you dwell.) If you’re having trouble keeping your mind from racing, try cleaning up and organizing the external space around you. It’s a great place to start the clean up.
As always, I’m hoping that these quick tips help you to get out of your head and into your life. Cheers.
*Above Image is by San Diego based wedding & lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
A Therapist’s Thoughts on Love, Friendship & Career
I love hearing about the lessons and ways of thinking that people arrive at based on their experiences in life. I’m always drawn toward articles, books and interviews where people discuss and are asked about “advice to their younger self.” We all hold so much knowledge based on the experiences and life passages that we have already gone through. Today I’m going to touch upon some feedback that I have, at this point of my life, around the topics of love, friendship & career. These topics are super vast, so I’ve done my best to keep this short and concise, yet raw and truthful.
Here it goes:
What advice would you give to your younger self about LOVE?
If you're unavailable, you will attract unavailable. Period, the end. Man, I know this one.
Be the partner you want to attract. If you want someone athletic, make sure you get out there and get your sweat on. If you want a go getter, make sure you're going after what you want in your own life. If you want someone who loves to adventure, yup, you guessed it, make sure you're down to explore and are open minded to new things. Bottom line, make sure you possess and are actively partaking or working toward what you’re saying you want in a relationship. Like attracts like. Become what you want and it will show up.
Surround yourself with a partner that builds you up, respects you and one whom you feel really good about yourself around. How you feel about yourself when you’re in the presence of another is a huge piece of information. Pay attention.
It’s so cliche, but trust your gut, your inner knowing, the feeling that’s a constant under tone about the relationship that your choosing to be in. Whatever your gut is saying is the truth.
Make sure that, for the most part, your partner’s actions and words match up. If they don’t you have reason to not fully trust them. I know that I trust the relationships in my life that are consistent and reliable. Mean what you say: Say what you mean. Especially within the little things. The little things are a reflection of the bigger things. That’s how trust is built and protected. Be and seek people whose word matches their actions.
Letting go is hard and sometimes the answer. Not all relationships are meant to be forever, even when you want them to be. This is a tough one.
What advice would you give to your younger self about FRIENDSHIPS?
Good friends will tell you the truth in a respectful way. I’ve had some moments in my life that stand out to me where I’ve posed a really difficult question about my life situation to a friend and they’ve looked me dead in the eye and told me the truth, not what I wanted to hear. These can be and are often two very different things. I love the friendships in my life that I know will always say it to me straight. Cheers to honesty with respect and good intentions. Bottom line: Solid friendships are built around authenticity and honesty, even when it might be hard to hear.
Be the friend you want to attract. (Similar to the partner you want to attract.) Learn to possess and BE what you appreciate in another.
Good friends warm your heart and want the best for you. A true friend doesn’t try to “one up” you or compete with you. They just don’t.
If you can’t be yourself in a friendship, what’s the point? Seriously.
Solid friends are solid people. I’m really protective of who I bring into my world because friendships can influence and encourage us to grow or they can block our light. I have a no tolerance policy for low vibe, light blockers. Nor should you. I’m going to go out on a limb by saying that one of the best things I’ve created in my life is my circle of solid, honest, trustworthy and dependable friends. My friends have been and continue to be my largest support system.
What advice would you give to your younger self about CAREER?
Pick a career that matches who you really are vs. who you want to be. Make sure you pick a career that matches your authentic self rather than who you wish you were. Meaning, be careful of getting swept up in an image or coolness factor of a career path. Be true and honest with yourself.
I know your parents love you, but do what you feel called to do, not what they want you to do. Pick a career that calls you. This might be different than the direction that others want you to go into for a multitude of reasons: family business, financial, comfort level, etc. I know that my parents don't really identify with my choice to become a small business owner. They both took a more structured career path. Regardless, I'm glad that I followed what felt true for me. In the long term, the chance of your success is higher if you follow your truth. Your the one who has to live with the reality of your own life.
It might take longer than you want to discover and thrive in your chosen field. Hang in there, it will be worth it in the end if you select a career that’s a true fit for who you are. I remember being in my late 20’s/early 30’s questioning what path I took. Starting my own business was unpredictable. There were days where I doubted where I was going and what I was doing, while other friends of mine were making "good money" and in solid careers. Now, approaching 40, (which I have so much more to say about; coming soon) I’m just starting to see the “fruits of my labor.” I’ve always believed that good, solid things, whether it be relationships, careers or self growth take time. In this fast world, I find myself grounding in the virtue of patience. There are just some things you can’t and should not speed up. I feel this to be true for the area of career.
I would love to open up more of a dialogue around these topics. We’re all teachers based on where we’re at in life and what our journey has taught us thus far. I’m planning on using some of my own personal relationships to further explore these questions and topics. Stay tuned and feel free to share what you've learned.
* The above image was taken by my good friend and photographer, Renata Amazonas.