5 Perspectives to Help You Deal With Rejection
Rejection is a feeling that’s a challenge for most of us. It’s easy to personalize rejection, which then starts sabotaging our sense of self by opening the door to feelings of self doubt and unworthiness. It’s not pretty…..
It hurts.
It’s uncomfortable.
It’s hard.
Rejection can be so utterly uncomfortable that we do everything in our power to avoid it. This can be unconscious or conscious. The problem with this approach is that in order to avoid being rejected, we have to live pretty small lives.
Even then so, rejection is apart of life and unavoidable. You can’t completely hide from it; It will find you.
The avoidance of rejection guarantees significantly less opportunity and possibility in our lives simply because we’re not putting ourselves out there in the world to experience, be seen or live fully.
However, rejection doesn’t need to be so scary and it’s in the making it so, that we limit our lives. On the flip side, rejection can be a huge teacher, for when things are difficult and challenging is when we have the opportunity to grow the most. Yup, it’s true, from our greatest source of pain is where the possibility for some major growth lies.
The truth is that it’s easy to show up while putting our best foot forward when things are all good.
However, it’s how we act when someone or something is not giving us what we want that reveals the truth of who we are.
With that said, here are 5 perspectives to help you cope when rejection appears in your life.
1. When One Thing Doesn’t Work Out, It’s Only A Matter of Time That Something Else Will. Another door will open in your life and when it does your past rejection might make a lot more sense. Hang in there, your current life situation will become more clear with time. It always tends too.
2. Don’t Make It Personal. I know, I know, how’s it not personal, right? After all someone or something said a big, fat NO. I get it and I still stick with, “Babes, it’s not personal.” You never know what someone else is going through or what the exact details of a situation is. Rather than exhausting yourself mentally by trying to figure it out with false stories and assumptions, practice letting go and reminding yourself that it’s not personal.
As cliche as it is to say, getting rejected is apart of life and it’s not a personal attack. Sticking with this perspective, especially when your mind wants to point to all your self perceived inadequacies, is key to allowing the rejection to process through.
3. Accept That Things Don't Always Work Out The Way You Want Them to and That's Okay. Actually, it’s beyond okay, trust that how a situation is going down in your life is working for you, rather than against you. With that said, it’s important to take your time to feel about the “loss.” Be mad. Be hurt. Be disappointed. When you allow yourself to be real about how you feel your emotions can then pass through and you’ll find yourself moving beyond the rejection with more ease and flow. Just because one thing didn't work out, doesn't mean you're a failure, or that nothing will work out. You missed A boat, not THE boat my friend. There will be a lot more boats of opportunity and possibilities passing through in your life. That’s a for sure.
4. There’s A Lesson to be Learned. Try to Find It. When you can make a painful event a learning opportunity, that reframe will help you in so many ways. For one, it helps to support your growth. When you can learn something about yourself that you then carry along with you as you move forward, you win. Focusing on something else rather than ruminating or looping on the “why” and the disappointment of rejection will serve you greatly. When you soul search to discover the silver lining of any situation, you create the space to break some new ground within your field of personal growth. Look for the personal lessons. Look to where it’s really uncomfortable for you. Look for how it’s challenging you. This is where growth lies.
5. Trust It. I know, easier said than done, however, trusting in something bigger than your logic will serve you greatly in this life. The reality is that many things happen in life that don’t make sense. When we get stuck in trying to understand or figure out certain situations, we will create a lot more suffering than need be. Also, realize that your need to “figure out” the root of any situation is all about control. To say it simply, your discomfort of “not knowing” is pushing you toward searching for an answer so you can feel more in control. The reality is that you cannot control many situations and learning to let go of the compulsion to loop in your mind for “an answer” will free you from so much anxiety and unneeded suffering. When we learn to surrender and find acceptance for how things are, we are rewarded for our ability to let go amongst the uncertainty.
Rejection really has been one of my biggest teachers in life. I’ve worked so hard to avoid it for so long and with facing it dead on, I’ve realized that, although uncomfortable, it’s bearable. Beyond that, the lessons that rejection has brought to my door have pushed me to grow in ways that have benefited me greatly. Use your pain to grow. I say this with knowing how challenging that can be. Although, when you muster up the strength to gear up and go toward the discomfort, pain and unknown, life will acknowledge your brave spirit. I don’t know how or when, but trust that this is so. For what you believe in is what creates your experience.
You got this friends. Keep going forward. Trust life. Do your best to face the challenges, including the rejections that will continue to appear if you’re living large. Experiencing rejection is a clue that your putting yourself out there and living a full life.
* Healing Crystals for Rejection: Peridot, Rose Quartz
*Above image is by lifestyle & wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
7 Signs That Your Love Connection is Healthy and Strong
An intimate relationship is a continuous work in progress. An important aspect of any romantic connection is that two people are choosing to grow in a positive direction with both themself and together. This post presents a framework for you to evaluate if your love connection is healthy, respectful and worth continuing to invest your sweet time into.
If you have one or two of these “signs” within your intimate relationship, great. If you have all of them, amazing. There’s no judgement and no such thing as a perfect anything, much less a perfect unity between two. If you’re not in a relationship, no worries, use this information to cultivate a vision for your future partnership.
7 Signs of A Legit Love Connection
1. Their Actions and Words Consistently Match Up
Your partner makes it clear via their words and actions that they're invested in you and see a future with you. You’re not confused about your partner's intentions because they make them crystal clear. Give or take being human; They call when they say they will and they show up when they say they will.
When someone is incongruent in their actions and words, we tend to feel doubtful about how they can show up for us. This leaves us in a state of not knowing, which is an easy breeding ground for our false assumptions, doubts and insecurities to live. Consistency is huge in relationships. It breeds trust and security. The bottom line is that we trust people who are consistent because it allows us to feel safe.
2. You Feel Good About Who You Are Around Them
It’s nothing that you can pin point, or maybe it is, but you just feel really good about yourself when you’re in your partner’s presence. They think you’re great, they support your ventures, they’re a huge fan of you, all imperfections included because we all have those, and that feels dam good.
3. They're Not Afraid to Have Real Conversations
Your partner is able to hold an inviting space for deep and vulnerable conversations. What does this mean? This means that you feel heard. It means that they can acknowledge your feelings without judgement and with appreciation of your self expression. There’s no avoidance of topics. There might be uncomfortable topics, although there’s no avoidance. If there is, they own it and do their best to work through it. Conversations are initiated around subject matter that allows further intimate connection, amongst fun conversations too. Balance is key. Topics can range from finances, insecurities, future life vision, your future together, etc. You feel better after releasing your feelings to your partner because they’re able to hold the space for you to release your emotions and that feels good.
4. You’re in Their Future Plans (Near and Far)
They make it known via their word and actions that you’re apart of their future plans. You guys make plans as a couple without question and you also have the freedom and space to still do you with their support.
5. They Respect The Relationships That Are Important to You
Your partner doesn’t necessarily need to be besties or even connect that much to some of the people you choose to have in your life, although they have to respect the significance that specific connections hold for you. Talking negatively about people that your partner knows you care about is a disrespectful act. There’s a difference between sharing your true feelings about a relationship with grace or concern vs. talking disrespectfully and putting down your judgement and desire for a specific relationship.
Ideally, it’s a great situation when you really gel and value the people that your partner brings into your life. This is not always the case, nor does it need to be, but it creates ease and flow when this is so.
6. You Trust Them & Feel Safe
This might be one of the most important aspects of any relationship. Trust and safety are foundational pieces that are the building blocks of any healthy connection. This is why when trust is compromised, it’s really difficult to recover. Trust is defined as the “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” Feeling that your partner is reliable, accountable and will always do their best to show up for you is a must in a solid and loving connection.
You either trust someone fully or you don’t. You either feel safe with someone or you don’t. Meaning, you feel safe to express emotions, show all sides of you, appealing and not so appealing. We’re able to be vulnerable without feeling like our partner is going to see something that they don’t like and go away. Trusting someone allows us to unveil ourselves fully. This sets the stage for a true love connection.
7. It’s Clear That You’re a Priority
The majority of the things that your partner does generates an inner knowing that you’re held in a very high regard. This inner knowing brings a sense of peace and calmness about the relationship because you know where you stand. You feel genuinely loved and valued by your partner. You feel respected, considered and acknowledged. You are and you feel that you are a top priority in your partners life.
Relationships are so complex. Each couple has their own way. If it works and is healthy, more power to you. With all the above said, I understand that everyone is operating based on where they're at both mentally and emotionally. If your partner is working on themself and doing their best, that’s awesome and should be acknowledged. We’re not all graced with the gift of gab or the ability to talk it out super affectively. That’s okay. As long as your partner is working on their side of the street to keep things moving in a healthy direction, that’s effort to be appreciated.
*Above Image is by Amy Lynn Bjornson, San Diego based Lifestyle & Wedding Photographer7
5 Signs That You're Dating a Narcissist
Are you dating a narcissist? If so, this one’s for you.
For those of you who don't know, Narcissism is a legit mental health disorder. Dating a narcissist can take its toll as it requires constant giving via endless validation and listening of your partners grandiose sense of self. This post goes over what you may feel and experience when dating or in a relationship with such a personality type.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
In a nutshell, an individual that fits the diagnosis for Narcissistic Personality Disorder generally has a grandiose view of themself, a burning desire for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. To get further into clinical diagnostic criteria, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) published by the American Psychiatric Association, here are key characteristics of NPD:
Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
Exaggerating achievements and talents
Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty, or the perfect mate
Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
Requiring constant admiration
Having a sense of entitlement
Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
Taking advantage of others to get what you want
Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
Being envious of others and believing others envy you
Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner
5 Signs That You’re Dating A Narcissist
1. Since your partner has an inflated sense of self, you find yourself spending countless hours having one sided “conversations” as you listen to the exaggerated triumphs and tribulations of your partners life journey.
2. A narcissist thrives from a deep need of admiration from others, hence, you find yourself in the role of “cheerleader” by giving compliments and praise because that’s the fuel your lover needs to keep their exaggerated sense of self up to par.
3. A narcissist lacks the ability to be empathic to the needs of others, so even though you're the, so called “object of his/her affection,” you find your needs ignored and unacknowledged.
4. Your sense of self is slowly going down the drain. Over time, the constant “about me” vibe that a narcissistic partner brings to a relationship will begin to dim your inner light. This is the where the real damage is done. This will leave you feeling inwardly empty and doubtful as that’s what happens when your sense of self is compromised.
5. You feel taken advantage of and defeated, although it’s confusing because your love for your partner causes you to validate their self serving actions. An intimate partner of a narcissist usually begins to play a subservient role that, unfortunately, will begin to feel “normal” overtime. This role is developed in order to stay in the partnership. We tend to make excuses and get in a strong habit of validating our partners ways of being that, in all reality, are self serving and geared to their best interest, not ours.
It’s always very apparent when a client comes in that’s with or has recently ended an intimate relationship with a narcissist. Usually, the first step in helping this individual is to provide a realistic view of reality for it ‘s become very distorted as a result of being on the other end of someone who has a grandiose, self serving and all consuming sense of self. As a therapist experiencing and helping this type of client, it feels as if your across someone whose been “brainwashed.” Often, their view of reality has been tainted by the material they’ve been witnessing and digesting from their narcissistic partner. My job is to help them rebuild their sense of reality based on facts, rather than the stories that they were encouraged to believe from their partner.
As the term “narcissist” is thrown around very loosely in our society, I truly have seen the scaring effects that this type of partnership has had on my clients. It’s real. It’s damaging and the time it takes to recorrect and restore a persons sense of self takes courage, time and work.
So, babes, to avoid going down this road, make sure that you’re considering yourself, your needs, your wants, ALWAYS, AND especially when you’re choosing a mate. Anybody who continually makes you feel doubtful of yourself, is never asking about you and is always out for number one is simply not a good partner for you. Period.
The charm and rico suave vibe is there with these narcissistic individuals, so don’t let the charm fool you. Go deeper. Choose well. Give your time and energy to someone who sees you, rather than someone whose only interested in seeing themself.
*Another resource on NPD with additional information HERE.
*Image by lifestyle & wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Causes of Insomnia and How to Overcome It (A Complete Guide)
Check out my latest published blog about everything INSOMNIA and SLEEP ISSUE related. My intention for this post is to help you discover ways to rest more peacefully and feel more alert so you can get on with your life in a more productive headspace.
*Image by San Diego based Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Reasons Why You’re Still Thinking About Your Ex? Words to Help You Understand Your Emotions Around a Break Up
When the heart and emotions are at stake a lot of our hidden and vulnerable emotions get triggered. This is so with break ups. Breaking up is hard. Straight up.
My intention for this particular blog is to help you settle some of the hard emotions that come along with a break up. The pain that a loss of a love connection can trigger can be so utterly uncomfortable. My hope is for these words to help ease some difficult feelings and provide you with some key insight so you can work through your emotions around your particular heart ache.
Below is a Q & A to some common questions that can come up when we’re working through our feelings around a past love.
What does it mean if I can’t get an ex out of my mind?
It means you invested yourself and your time. It means you cared. If you can't get an ex out of your mind, be careful about jumping into a story around what your emotions mean. For example, when you attach meanings such as, “I’m not over him/her” or “I’’ll never move on,” your feelings of discomfort and loss will be more intense. The story that we put to why we are feeling specific emotions is more the guiding factor in where our mind frame lies. Allow yourself to think of an ex if that’s what’s happening. Think about it and allow your feelings to process through. Allowing yourself to think about a past relationship vs. blacking it out of your mind will encourage and help you to move through your healing process.
4 Reasons Why You Could Still Be Thinking About Your Ex
1. Many times we're thinking of our ex because of our own unresolved issues that the breakup is triggering.
I see this so much with my clients struggling to cope with a break up. They become fixated on their ex. Instead of talking about themselves in their therapy session, they’re strictly talking about their ex. It’s always a red flag for me in the room when after an hour with a client I know much more about their ex then them. This usually points to some sort of a co-dependent dynamic within a relationship that was developed. Switching the focus of your energy back to YOU is a key step toward rediscovering your grounding and sense of self after a relationship ends.
2. We’re thinking about what could have been, rather than what actually was.
Whenever we’re seeing something through “rose colored glasses,” we’re not seeing the truth of the factual situation. The issue with this line of thinking is that it creates a false story about our past romance. We can begin to idealize our ex and start believing that "we blew" our chances. Putting our ex partner on a pedestal is a sure fire way to create more longing, pain and a false interpretation of what was. See it straight babes.
3. We’re trying to keep up with the Jones’s
Societal expectations can absolutely be playing into a more exaggerated feeling of loss when a relationship ends. As humans, we naturally tend to gravitate toward what others are doing. Therefore, if our social circle is filled with couples, we might think about our ex more out of loneliness vs. because our ex was the "right" match for us. It's important to do your best to ditch a timeline when it comes to love. Love shows up when it wants too. It shows up best when you’ve surrendered who it’s going to be, when it’s going to happen and how it's going to look.
4. You’re making it about them when it’s about you
How we deal with break ups and how we cope with our past has everything to do with our ability to let go and move forward in a healthy way. This can be a hard lesson for some of us. Realizing that people only have the amount of power over us that we give them can be a freeing way to think about past love connections. It happened, we learned, we loved. This is the process of life. Stay within your emotions and your process of working through a break up. Your feelings of loss and grief will be able to process through in a more flow state if you’re mindful to stay in your feelings not your ex’s.
Why can't we get an Ex out of our mind when it's been months or even years?
The relationships in our lives, especially impactful love connections, leave powerful impressions. Thinking about an ex doesn't mean anything negative unless you attach a meaning too it that doesn't serve you. For example, believing that it's "wrong" to think about a person whom you cared for and spent significant time with will increase your struggle to move forward.
To say it simply, learning to allow yourself to think of your ex is the exact way that you will think of them less.
Sort of counter intuitive, right? Let me explain. Famous psychologist, Carl Jung coined: “Whatever you resist persists.” When we convince ourselves that thinking about our ex means that we're not over them, we're creating a false story that’s keeping us stuck. Perhaps we’ll always think of an ex from time to time. Why is that negative? It doesn’t need to be. It’s only an issue if your mind creates it to be one. Remember that you control what your thoughts mean.
Is it normal to miss your ex?
Hell yes it’s normal. It’s very normal to have feelings of longing for someone you shared intimate and quality time with.
The bottom line is: Do not judge your process. So many of us make up stories as to "what it means" when we have an emotion. Thinking about an ex is normal, especially when you're still processing the relationship through. Whether a relationship was positive or negative; it existed and happened. If we're healthy individuals, we’ll spend time working through our emotions around the broken relationship in order to heal and move on.
If you're thinking about your ex so much that you can't focus or move forward within your life, it’s important to do the self care and seek the appropriate level of help, which might mean professional, to assist you in processing your past break up.
What should you do when you can't get your ex out of your mind?
Look at other areas of your life that you can be avoiding and not tending too because you’re thinking about your ex. Sometimes we focus on our past in order to avoid the present.
Realize that if you're struggling with chronic thoughts of another, it's usually pointing more toward an imbalance within yourself.
If your excessive thoughts persist about an ex, it might be beneficial to seek professional assistance. If that's too expensive or not an option for you, they’re great podcasts, u tube channels, books and other forms of tools to help you process through your feelings about a past love that are totally free and accessible.
Should I get back together with an ex?
First things first; It takes two to tango, meaning both individuals have to have the same desire and want for reconnection. If both parties of a past relationship are feeling the desire to rekindle, given that this was a healthy past relationship, a first step toward reconnection would be to have a conversation. Where that conversation goes, nobody could script or predict. Allowing yourself to spend some time to be truthful with yourself around your consideration of rekindling a past flame is important. Make sure that your intentions are pure and your want to get back together is for the "right" reasons. Take your time to evaluate this. Realize that it's not all up to you to "make" a relationship happen. Things that are meant to be have a funny way of working out. Trust this, and most importantly, trust life.
*Image above was taken by Amy Lynn Bjornson, San Diego based Wedding & Lifestyle photographer
5 Types of Anxiety and How to Cope
Image by Amy Lynn Bjornson
Anxiety can be extremely paralyzing. It can keep us from living the type of lives we desire. Here’s my latest post that summarizes different types of anxiety, how they show up and what to do to kick ‘em to the curb. Click the button below to read the full post.
5 Steps Toward Creating a Happy Life
Some of us do the consistent actions and habits that promote our health and happiness with ease. Meaning, it’s natural for us to make self honoring choices, say “No” to others without guilt and carry on doing the things that allow us to grow.
Others of us have become disconnected from what’s really important, which makes it difficult to know what decisions are in our best interest. The more we make choices that go against what our heart wants, the more disconnected we become from our truth.
In a nutshell, we’re either doing things consistently in our lives that are bringing us toward or away from our true selves and best lives. The daily decisions that we make and the way we interact with the world creates not only how others see us, but most importantly, how we view ourselves.
Not that this is going to blow your mind, but how we view ourselves is huge. It dictates the quality of our lives.
Whatever we believe to be true about ourselves is what will be reflected back to us. How we view ourselves will create the results that show up in the form of opportunities and relationships in our lives.
Our sense of self, also known as our self esteem, comes from listening and honoring our truth, respecting ourself, creating boundaries and connecting consistently to what’s calling us.
Going toward the people, places and things that fire us up is what creates our happy.
Since how we feel about ourselves is directly linked to our level of happiness, here are some tips to find & maintain balance as well as authenticity in life.
1. Find Your Balance
Everything seems to find its way back to the concept of balance. How we balance “all the things” in life will dictate how our life unfolds. In order to stay in balance requires us to be pretty savvy organizers of our time. A large part of prioritizing is weeding out what isn’t serving us. We respect our time and boundaries when we eliminate what’s not adding to our experience. Consequently, we’re also sending out a powerful message to the world via what we tolerate and keep around.
We will get what we allow, whether we like it or not.
What to let go of can be hard to see because what served us in the past, might not serve us any longer. Old habits die hard, right? Although, clarity can be found by actions like journaling or chatting with a trusted friend or therapist about what to let go of and what to hold onto. Sometimes an outside source can help us see our blind side or a different perspective.
2. Ditch People Pleasing
People pleasing is such a mega trap to happiness. Many times, in order to find our happy, we have to disconnect from a false belief that saying “No” is inconsiderate. Here’s the deal; This is your life and anyone who truly values you and loves you will understand your “No.” They have permission to dislike your “No,” but they won’t disrespect it or punish you for it if it’s a healthy and loving connection.
Saying “No” is our way of mentally prioritizing.
Saying “No” by setting boundaries and making clear choices is how we value our time and the time of others. I know that I’ve created a lot of confusion when I’ve been so concerned about disappointing someone that I’ve come off unclear by avoiding a direct expression of “No.” Ironically, I created more frustration, for both myself and others, by not being straight up.
It’s a difficult task to know ourselves well enough to weed through all the options that life presents while making clear decisions about how to spend our time. Although it can be confusing, it’s possible to hone the skill of prioritizing and honoring what serves us best with practice.
3. Go Toward What You’re Curious About
If we want to bring playfulness into our lives, paying attention to what interests us will lead the way. Our curiosity is our north star. It’s that simple. If you have no awareness around what you like or what interests you, start with the basics: Chocolate or Vanilla?
If that’s where you need to begin; So be it; Just start somewhere.
Today there’s tons of pressure around “knowing your passion.” Please remember that passions begin with a simple curiosity at first, so just go toward what you prefer and things will roll from there.
Life is like a scavenger hunt. If you follow your curiosity you will be lead toward people, places and things that serve you. Having a clear knowing of what you’re looking for will help you find it with more ease and clarity. Although, if you’re not clear, don’t fret; Just notice the things that turn your head and capture your interest. Those are signs, directing you toward aligned opportunities and people. You will build momentum in your life as you consistently act on your curiosity, which will bring like minded things to you and so it goes from there.
4. Stop Trying to Figure it Out
Man, this is such a biggie.
So many clients come to me looking for answers while trying to figure it all out. When we’re sitting in the frustration of trying to figure things out, we’re blocking ourselves from seeing the simple clues that are right in front of us. When we’re fixed on a solution, we’re limiting our experience in the NOW. You can find relief from your frustration by realizing that you don’t need to know the HOW. Meaning, you don’t need to know HOW things will show up and present themselves in your life. This is so hard for those of us who are hard wired to find the solution. (I get it, believe me.) This is the practice of letting go, surrendering and allowing. Ultimately, our job is to go toward the things that we enjoy and as we do, opportunities will present themselves. With less resistance, we will be able to see the opportunities presented before us with more ease.
5. Pay Attention to How You Feel
What we eat, who we spend our time with, how we move and treat our bodies and what environments we put yourselves in all dictate how our lives will unfold. What we ingest on an internal and external level is creating our expeience.
Life is a constant exchange of energy.
In the most basic way of stating it, we’re either digesting good vibes or bad vibes. The noises around us, the conversations we’re participating in or overhearing; It’s all energy that we’re taking in and processing. For worse or better. Being more aware of how the specific people, places and things that we’re choosing make us feel will help us make better future choices.
If we feel unfulfilled in our current reality, there are small things that we can do to begin the process of change. The concept of momentum is always at play within our lives. Momentum is defined as the “driving force gained by the development of a process or course of events.” One thing always leads to the next. As we keep our minds and bodies in a positive space by doing the healthy things we know to do, no matter how big or small, momentum will build and do its magic in our lives. With less resistance, the ball will start rolling and change will begin to take place. Just. Like. That.
Living a life that we desire and choose does involve being open, courageous and having trust or faith in something bigger. The above steps can help peel layers of resistance so we can get the momentum rolling in our lives which will guide us to the next page or chapter.
*Above image was taken by Amy Lynn Bjornson, San Diego based lifestyle & wedding photographer.
Signs of a Nervous Breakdown (And How to Survive It)
Image by AMY LYNN BJORNSON
When stress leads to symptoms of mental break down; that’s a clear sign that attention and action need to go toward your mental and emotional wellness.
Find the full article on this topic @lifehackorg.
Enjoy.
10 Ways to Stop Over Thinking
With instant gratification becoming the new normal and life busier than ever, our ability to over think and stress out is at an all time high. The monkey mind is a buddhist term referring to the unsettled and restless state that the human mind can get stuck in. I, myself, am a self defined over thinker, which is a behavior that causes me so much unneeded suffering. I logically know that circling around in my head about the what if’s and future trippin on made up situations is not going to help. Despite my awareness, it remains a challenge for me to stop my racing mind once it gains momentum.
With that said and knowing over thinking all too well, here are some tips that are my personal “go to’s” when that little over analyzing beast inside begins to act up.
Understand It
“Know thy enemy,” right? Straight up, over thinking is a symptom of high anxiety. Anxiety is a symptom of living in the future. When you realize that your anxiety is over taking you, chances are that you’re stressing out and worrying about something that may or might not happen in the future. Realize that over thinking is the ego’s defense mechanism. In a sense, your worry is “trying” to protect you. With understanding that it’s doing the exact opposite, this can help you get a hold on your worry so it can lessen and eventually stop. This will lead you to a much more peaceful now. Awareness is always the first step.
Let Go of Resistance
Over thinking becomes a problem when we’re in resistance to our thoughts. Anything that we resist in life we make stronger because of our added focus to “the problem.” It’s a big buzz phrase in psychology that “whatever we resist persists.” Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care, it allows the situation to be what it is so it can naturally pass through. When we’re high in our resistance we naturally and without thought don’t allow something to pass without a struggle. Think of clenching your stomach on a rollercoaster or tensing your muscle before a shot at the doctor. Both of these actions will create more difficulty and strain. You have to relax and loosen in order to allow experiences to come and go or they will remain blocked and stuck.
Check Your Focus
Whatever you focus on grows stronger. Be mindful on what you’re focusing on and be aware that your area of focus is a choice. Chances are that if you’re over thinking, you’re focusing on what could go wrong vs. what can go right. Check yourself by switching your focus toward the positive outcome vs the outcome of doom and gloom.
Get Perspective
Your perception is always responsible for your over thinking. With that being the case, if you work on changing your perspective you will find relief. Here are some ways of thinking that might help your racing mind:
Trust something bigger than you.
Realize that you can only control and do so much.
Other forces are at play to help assist you.
The world is working on your behalf.
It’s not all falling on you to figure it out.
Check your Diet
If you tend to have high anxiety and worry, pay attention to what you’re putting into your body. For example caffeine and alcohol are known to intensify feelings of anxiety and worry. A plant based diet, lots of water, exercise and frequent emersions in nature are known to lessen your level of anxiety. Also, pay attention to you and your body. Nobody is ever going to be able to feel and understand what you’re going through physically, emotionally and mentally but you. Do your best to pay attention in order to figure out the particular activities, habits and foods that work best for you.
Keep Good Company
Surround yourself with people who think less and enjoy more. Be mindful of relationships that are continually dumping their anxious thoughts and perspectives onto you. We are influenced by who we spend our time with. Therefore, pay attention to the mindsets and vibrational frequency of the people that you spend a lot of your time with.
Get Into Your Body
Practice total body awareness by doing things that help you to get out of your head and into your body. When you have to focus on a physical skill, you automatically have to shift your mind focus to your body. This is why sports and getting physical is such a great practice. You quiet the mind by tapping into the body. You can do this in any way that lights you up. Find out what your physical outlets are and go toward them as often as you can.
Get Zen
Taking up a practice in mindfulness meditation can help you constantly be in the here and now. Getting quiet and tuning into the aspects of your inner workings will help you to move into your heart space. Entering into your heart space is where surrender and acceptance live. Within your heart space you will naturally stop trying and start allowing.
Accept What Is
You don’t have to like it, although if you want to feel peaceful, you do have to find acceptance for it. We all hear that it’s not what happens, rather, it’s how we respond to what happens that makes or breaks us. The first place to find and practice acceptance is with your own self. Accepting who you are, where you are and what is happening around you will allow you to move forward with more grace and ease.
Be Grateful
Be grateful for all the things already in your life that you are content with. Appreciation breeds more things to be appreciative for. Get your rose colored glasses on and see the beauty in things and people rather than the grey. Realize the gifts that you already have and the gifts that are already in your life. Practice counting your blessings instead of your failures. Be thankful.
I believe that over thinking is a habit that is one of the biggest thieves of happiness. If you’re stuck in your head, you can’t simultaneously enjoy the present. This is torture. I know that I’ve been in amazing settings with amazing people, trapped in my mind. Realize that over thinking doesn’t change anything; only actions do. Drop the judgement of what you think needs to happen to feel happy and practice being with what is happening while acting on your inspiration. In the most simple of terms, this is how to live a more peaceful life.
*Image by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
8 Ways of Coping to Relieve Anxiety
GET IN NATURE, BABY!
Breath fresh air. Sit in the salty sea. Listen to the sounds of natural elements. Do what you need to do to get in nature and feel, hear, see and experience the natural healing that will occur when you do.
DITCH YOUR TIMELINE
Trust that life and all the events that you desire are on there way and will come to you when they’re meant too. When we dismiss the idea that there is divine timing at play in life, we tend to freak out and push and pull toward what we believe should be happening. Trust in life’s direction and you will start feeling less anxiety as you allow life to direct you without your resistance.
STOP OVERWHELMING YOURSELF WITH SHOULDS & WHAT IF’S
If it should happen, trust that it will. If it does happen, trust that there’s lessons for you to learn. Catch yourself from going down the rabbit hole of the what if’s & shoulds of life.
BE PRESENT
Be where you’re at. Your life is this moment, right now. Getting too far ahead with planning or too far behind with dwelling and ruminating about past events, you will completely lose the beauty of the now. Stay present friends.
GET CONNECTED TO YOUR BODY
Move that beautiful body of yours. Get your blood pumping and allow your endorphins to release. You will feel better for it. It’s a sure thing.
GO SLOWER
When in doubt, slow down. This life is so busy these days, more so than ever with the over abundance of demands and electronics always at our finger tips. Take fasting days from social media. Close down the lap top and learn to slow your mind. Make less plans, do less and see how you feel.
EVALUATE THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
Who you spend your time with is who you’ll become more alike. Choose your company wisely because the power of influence is a real thing.
TIDY HOME; TIDY MIND
If you haven’t noticed, there’s a huge correlation between your internal space (your mind space) and your external space (the space in which you dwell.) If you’re having trouble keeping your mind from racing, try cleaning up and organizing the external space around you. It’s a great place to start the clean up.
As always, I’m hoping that these quick tips help you to get out of your head and into your life. Cheers.
*Above Image is by San Diego based wedding & lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How to Let Go and Move On
A common way that we can get stuck in our lives is by investing in the illusion that the past “should’ve or could’ve” been different. Any time that we’re resisting what IS, we will feel stuck on some level. Although it can be difficult to do, chances are that you will find clarity and an unfolding of an answer by letting go.
Letting go of trying so hard. Letting go of the negative stories that are racing around and around in your head. Letting go of what you can’t control.
Just. Let. Go.
There may be many different stories, beliefs and ways of seeing things for you to let go of. In that case, a great place to start is with allowing the past to be exactly as it was; for worse or for better. Life will present us with all kinds of contrast, therefore if we continue to believe that circumstances “should of” and “could of” been different, we will be chronically stuck.
Let go of the illusion that life could have been any different. To free yourself from the past, believe that everything is happening in divine order. The past was and the present is as it should be.
Freedom and peace will come when we allow everything that has happened to just BE. Where we can focus our energy is on what we can create as the journey ahead of us unfolds. By taking inspired action and focusing on what we can do, little by little we will be led toward shift and change.
Cheers today to letting go. Sending good vibes your way as you move forward and create the change and shift you desire by letting go.
*Image above by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson
5 Root Issues That Keep Us From Falling in Love
Oh love.
So complex. Or can it be so simple?
If you’re still on your search toward finding a loving intimate partner I want you to have peace in your heart in knowing that you deserve what you want.
Just for the reminder: THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU just because you haven’t found love, yet.
The desire to have love wasn’t given to you unless it was meant to come into form. My intention for this post is to provide you with some reasons that can shed some light on the current state of your love life. Sometimes we have blocks and defenses up that are so ingrained, which hold us back, preventing us from finding and creating what we desire.
For those of you partnered up, this information still applies, as we are all works in progress and it never hurts to be self aware.
Love is something that we all seem to be seeking, whether we consciously admit it or not. Although, why is it that some of us struggle more than others when it comes to attracting and creating an intimate partnership? There’s no single “answer” to why. We each are so unique and different, although I do want to speak to some general reasons how we can be blocking love without even knowing it.
Very often our blocks to love can be unconscious. My motivation for this post is to bring awareness to such blocks so you can combat them and be on your merry way to a fulfilling relationship.
Our relationship toward the topic of love has a ton to do with our capacity toward true connection, which is directly aligned with how fulfilled we are in life. How we show love, how comfortable we are receiving love and how open we are to love all affects our life. Our relationships, both how strong and truthful they are, act as major factors toward our overall level of happiness. It’s what brings us joy like no external object can.
Therefore, today (Happy Valentine’s day) I’m going to address some blocks to love that we can be carrying around with us whether we’re conscious of it or not. Love can be fluid and flow with ease when we’re operating with an open heart. Although, life has a tendency to present us with emotional hurts that can clog our heart space. If we don’t tend to our wounds, we can become scared and fearful, blocking us to fully experience love.
With that said, here are some common Blocks to Love
Our Childhood Sh*t
As cliche as it is for a therapist to ask you to look back at your childhood, I’m gonna do it. After all, our primary caregivers, whoever they were, our biological parents, a single parent, a relative, etc, was our main teacher when it came to the topic of love. They taught us by example how to express love, feel love, hold the space for love; Everything about love. When I have clients that are blocked in the area of love and relationships, it’s always important to explore the dynamics and messages that were digested when they were young. After all, it’s common for us to drag unhealthy habits from our youth into our adult relationships, especially our intimate ones. It’s just what we do. This is where the problems arise within our romantic connections.
Another question to think about is: Which parent did you desire more love and attention from, your mom or dad?
If we haven’t healed our past wounds, it’s common for us to continue to “try” and get what we never received as kids from our current partner or who we seek to date. It could be beneficial for you to look for any patterns in your romantic relationships and see if they mirror a familiar dynamic that you had with a parent from childhood. For example, if a parent never gave you the attention, time and energy you desired, perhaps you find yourself drawn to unavailable partners who mimic those old and hurtful actions of the past.
We’re Not Fully Healed
There’s a huge difference between healing a past emotional hurt VS. pushing it aside. It’s not very comfortable to sit with an emotional hurt and be patient for it to heal. Just as it wouldn’t be easy to get around with a broken leg. The difference is that a physical aliment gets our attention and makes us stop while an emotional hurt doesn’t. It may get our attention, but it doesn’t force us to stop as a physical injury does. This is the tricky part of emotional wounds, you can’t see them and they can be easily covered up and swept under the rug. After a major emotional hit we can look fine, keep on going through our days, find a partner, even if our heart is still broken. As you might know, whatever is not fully healed will be expressed in some way, shape or form, simply because it’s still there.
We’ve Been Burned Before
Carrying a past hurt around will chip away at our life force. It has the potential to keep us so fearful of rejection and hurt that we stay closed while eliminating our chances for healthy future connections. Until we clear the pain and heal, it will feel really scary to open up again. How can you know if you’re still harboring past hurt? You will most likely have an emotional reaction to topics that trigger memories or past wounds. You will feel the past emotions in your body manifesting as a pit in your stomach, a discomfort in your chest, etc. These physical reactions are clues that there’s still emotional healing to tend too.
Being Vulnerable is Too Uncomfortable
Vulnerability can be so intimidating. It’s also a must if you want to cultivate and create a strong, raw and real love connection. Nothing truly satisfying can be established with a surface level connection, therefore, if you want depth, learning to let down your guard and BE open is a must.
We Like To Be In Control
In order to let someone in and allow a relationship to be deep and spiritual, you have to let go of control. You have to let go enough to allow yourself to “fall” in love, hence you need to let go to fall. When the connection is healthy, find peace in knowing that your loving partner will catch you and can hold the space for your heart. If they can’t or won’t, then that’s not the one for you babe.
On an end note, I wanted to address that this topic is so rich and can be so complex for some of us. Especially if there was deep hurts and wounds from the past. If you noticed emotions coming up for you that can be a sign that there’s lurking inner “stuff” taking up space in your heart.
In order to not leave you hanging, I’m inspired to write another post on how to clear out the blocks and create space for love. Coming up next.
*Above image by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Your Words (Why They're So Powerful)
Our words, the ones murmured through our inner dialogue as well as the ones expressed out loud are creating our lives. They paint the picture of who we are.
To say it simply, our words matter, big time.
They affect how people see us, how we view ourself and, most importantly, how our lives pan out. Our words create our reality, as our words are birthed from our deep seeded beliefs. What we believe about ourself will show up via our actions, words and decisions, for better or for worse.
As a visual person, I love to think about this human system of functioning as a layered cake. That bottom layer, being the foundation (our beliefs) sets the stage for how aligned and balanced that finished cake is going to be (our lives). It all ends and begins with our beliefs. They dictate how our thoughts, actions and results come to physical form.
Just for the record, we communicate our beliefs through our words whether we’re aware of it or not.
What we say represents who we are and what we stand for. Our words represent our personal brand, whether we’re trying to have one or not.
We are constantly marketing who we are by what we say and how we say it. How positive or skeptical we are is expressed via our voice. Are we victims of our circumstances? Are we hopeful of what’s to come? Fearful of the future? And the list goes on. We determine what the past means and what the future holds for us as we express ourselves through our words.
So, given all the above, here's a couple questions:
Are Your Words in Alignment With What You Want?
It’s common for us to operate with our defenses up. Especially after we’ve been hurt and burned in life. Sometimes a natural response to being hurt is to create protective ways of thinking and acting to ensure that we don’t get hurt again. For example, if you decide that you’re never going to open your heart to the possibility of another romantic relationship because you’ve been rejected and hurt, then that part of your life will die. If you decide that you’re never going to try for another new job opportunity because you crashed and burned in your last job, then you’ll remain complacent in your career life.
Shutting off is a solution, although it’s not a good nor healthy long term solution to life’s emotional hits.
The reality is that life is full of contrast and up’s and down’s. We will win some and we will lose some. The key is to keep moving, keep trying and to keep open even though we have been let down and disappointed. No doubt that this is hard, right?
The trouble comes when our defenses are high enough that we can falsely convince ourself of “truths” that simply aren’t facts. When these false truths start directing our life choices, this is where we start facing a lot of challenges and blocks. For example, the woman who claims she’s content to be alone, although in her heart of hearts, she desires partnership. On a conscious level she can believe her own lie, it manipulatively keeps her “safe,” but on an unconscious level this denial of her real truth will start creating dissatisfaction in her life.
Often, the reason that we lie to ourselves is because we’re not ready for the truth. After all, the truth can hurt.
Therefore we create ways of thinking that protect us from the pain that we would have to confront if we looked the truth straight in the eye. The truth meaning the factual reality of the situation at hand. The trick is to get to the point where we can allow the facts and the truth of the matter to be there with us as uncomfortable as that could be. (We don’t have to like it, but we do have to let the truth pass through.) When we hold the space for the truth to BE with us, we, consequently, give ourselves the opportunity to accept what is so we can let go and move on.
How Are Your Words Making You Feel?
After you have a conversation with others or internally, how do you feel? Do you feel empowered, positive or hopeful? Or do you feel discouraged, guilty or bad?
Here’s an exercise for you to get in tune with your mind/body:
The next time you have a situation that triggers your emotions, drop into your body, your heart space, and notice how you feel. Become aware of how certain emotions lay in your physical body. Start to acquaint yourself with where specific emotions are stored. For example, I’ll often feel anxiety in my chest and excitement in my belly. Stress gives me headaches and makes my head spin in circles.
With talking about how powerful our words are, I feel it’s important to note that there is a mighty power in saying things out loud.
Often times we’re fearful to speak the truth of something difficult out loud because it gives it a voice, which can make it feel more real.
As much as we’re scared to speak the truth out loud, there’s power in releasing our fears by expressing them. As we express our fears and difficult emotions we also create the space to begin facing them, and, therefore, releasing them.
No matter where you fall in relationship to the words that you speak, the good news is, drumroll, that you can change any habits in your life by deciding to be more aware and conscious. The tone, perspective and words you speak are just a habit. It’s a habit that can change and it’s a habit that can improve with time and effort.
I hope my words, the words in this post, help guide you closer to expressing your truth and, ultimately, attract what you seek.
*Above image by Lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
3 Short and Simple Quotes to Ground You
Often, it's short and simple messages that are all we need to help clear our minds and hearts of clutter and negative energy. With that said; here are some grounding words from me to you.
You attract based on where you’re at. If you want happy, make sure you’re happy. If you want adventurous, make sure you’re adventuring. If you want depth, make sure you can go there.
If you’re feeling stuck make small moves toward change. Stop trying to “figure it out,” that will make you nuts. Just go step by step and little by little and things will begin to unfold.
A busy, scattered mind repels good things. Take time to do the things that quiet your mind and bring you peace.
How To Create and Maintain Your Boundaries
There are so many things that have the potential to sweep us away these days. Therefore this post is all about how to crete and maintain your boundaries (stay in your lane), so your energy is not scattered, which will leave you depleted.
Distractions come to us in so many ways. Some are disguised by appearing really pretty; the thousands of mesmerizing images our minds scan through on instagram that catch our eyes. Although beautiful and potentially inspiring, it’s a mass amount of output coming in that we have to filter and digest.
Everything coming at us requires our energy to weed through and sort out.
Other distractions might feel more heavy; a friends sharing of another’s dramatic relationship issues. Not to mention the over abundance of daily texts, DM’s, tweets, snapchats, voicemails and emails on top of work and all the other must do’s. It can feel really intense and overwhelming.
I’ve come to a point where I can start feeling myself shut down like a computer when I feel overloaded. Sometimes it’s just too much “stuff” in one day for me to hold and sift through. Instead of being hard on myself and feeling like “I should” be able to handle all the demands of my (this) world, I just let myself do what I need to do. This usually entails retreating to somewhere quiet so I can literally reboot. Maybe a walk, maybe a surf, maybe a hike, maybe a quiet evening in. Something that helps my system to unwind.
Discovering what your “reboot” is will be a huge benefit to your life.
So, how can you stay clear and focused amongst all the things and stuff going on?
Today is simple, because we can make it so complex. Stay in your lane in life.
Meaning: Stay focused on your mission. Stay clear on your aim. Stay true to your intentions and desires. Stay aware of what makes you feel good. Stay aware of what makes you fulfilled and what lights you up. Keep your energy protected by being selective about with who and what are good ways to spend your time. Learn and practice how to repel what others may attempt to dump on you by keeping healthy boundaries for yourself. Your lane (your personal space) needs to remain healthy and clear, so you can see where you’re going. You only have so much energy each day, use it wisely.
Start this year off with a bang by making choices that honor you. Pay attention to the things that have the potential to swerve you off your path. As you hold a clear boundary for yourself the negative will organically fall away as the positive things survive and accumulate. Trust this, as it’s the flow of life.
Cheers friends.
* Image taken by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How to Discover Your Purpose
With 2018 coming to a close and a new year to come, it never hurts to think about what you desire in the new and how to spread your unique gift out in the world. Yes, you have one, we all do. Don’t doubt it.
So, why are we here?
What’s the purpose? What’s your purpose?
What are you here to do?
I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I did appreciate the below statement that speaks to them.
“We are here to help people. We are here to learn how to grow in wisdom. We are here to heal ourselves and others. We are here to help birth peace in the world. We are here to love and be loved. We are here to radiate kindness…..or hope…or happiness.”
-Katherine Woodward Thomas
Each of us will deliver our gifts and experience this life differently. We each play a unique role and spread our purpose or “calling” to this world in our own individual way.
Sometimes the roles we play via the job title we hold is in alignment with the greater mission we have for this life, and sometimes it isn’t. This calling or purpose isn’t always reflected in what your work for monetary purposes is. For some of us our career path and soul calling merges and for others of us it shows up as two different things. Either works.
I will go a step further and say that if you can tap into your true authenticity and bring it to your current daily role, whatever it may be, you will find your way to your bigger purpose. I believe that consistently revealing your authenticity will carve the pathway to your bigger purpose. This bigger purpose or “soul calling” isn’t necessarily fancy. I think many of us get caught in thinking that it needs to be, which it does not. It just has to be rooted in truth and, most importantly, your truth.
For some of us this soul calling might bring us grand attention and for others of us this calling may not be so obvious to others. It actually doesn't matter. What matters is that you’re doing what feels true to you, regardless of what the image of your role reflects to the outer world. What matters is how you feel in the role you’re playing and being.
How can we tap into our calling?
“Discovering our soul’s purpose is rarely an event, although epiphanies do happen. More often than not, it’s a process that requires patience and perseverance. In order to discover it, you’ll want to pay attention to what stirs your passion, lights you up, and just comes naturally. When you are living inside your souls purpose, you are often in flow. You’re not that concerned about how much money you are, or are not, making. You feel alive, useful, of service and a part of all that is.”
-Katherine Woodward Thomas
What’s that thing that you do where time stops and you get lost in the moment of engagement? What’s that thing that you always think about doing, but seem to find a reason why you “can’t” or “shouldn’t” do it now?
Friends……that’s exactly where you should look.
Begin this journey of finding your souls calling by following and engaging in the things that make you feel uncomfortable. That thing that you can’t figure out or imagine, yet desire. I suppose I’m encouraging you to go toward The Dream, your dream.
What’s your dream? What do you want? What are you drawn toward?
Begin by looking deeper into these questions. Begin by seeking your own answers to these questions.
Take notice of what you talk about doing and evaluate if it matches what you’re actually doing.
When we’re operating in alignment with our truth and bigger calling, what we say we’re going to do and what we actually do are congruent, meaning it’s in alignment. We all know the talker that “some day” will do “all the things.” We might also know the person who talks and, soon enough, does what they say.
We trust the person whose words matches their actions.
When it all comes down to it, it’s just a clear decision that deciphers these two ways of living in the world. It’s a choice to live in a way where you do what you say.
We hear this all the time: Go toward what scares you. Go toward your fear. The true adventurer and seeker is the person that actually goes toward the fear. Limitless possibilities will appear for the person who is willing to tolerate the discomfort that it takes to go beyond fear. Even if you make it beyond the fear, there’s still timing at play. Good things can take time. Things don’t always look as we expect them too. ( Isn’t this the truth.) Yet, being brave enough to push fear aside and continue on will reward you; I just can’t tell you when or how.
“Each one of us enters this world called to fulfill a particular destiny. For many of us, this calling lies just beyond our conscious awareness, and often, beckons us with a sense of restlessness and dissatisfaction.”
-Katherine Woodward Thomas
Your true calling can only be ignored for so long. Eventually the resistance of acknowledging it’s presence will become too loud and uncomfortable to ignore. As much as this can be a frustrating experience, your emotions are present to push you toward the role you’re here to play and BE.
Allow the discomfort to push you and trust that life is happening in your favor, even though it might not look or feel like it at times.
Cheers to a new year coming…….
*Blog image by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson
Holiday Tips for People Pleasers
Do you have an exaggerated awareness of the needs of others? Meaning do you find yourself overly concerned and aware about what everyone else needs, while ignoring your needs?
People with a hyper ability to please and make sure everything is okay for others are often neglecting their own needs.
It’s tricky because when someone is taking care of it all, from the outside these “hyper hospitable” individuals show up as super thoughtful, helpful and dependable (all good things). They even get feedback from the world that encourages their helpful ways. The catch is that they’re ignoring their needs in honor of showing up for everyone else.
Is that really so great?
What happened to win/win?
It hurts my heart to see people bend over backward and ignore their needs while running around doing everything for other people. (Especially for people who don’t acknowledge and respect the efforts.)
The irony is that we’re always teaching people how to treat us and when we’re ignoring our own needs, guess what, so will everyone else. This is the dangerous cycle of constantly doing, giving and being to everyone other than ourselves.
With that said, in this holiday season of busy and endless things to do, please take a moment to check in with yourself, pause for a hot minute, and make sure you’re tending to yourself.
It’s one thing to support and send love to others, but don’t confuse this with bending over backwards and giving when it’s crossing the boundary to over giving and, ultimately, disrespecting yourself.
Tips For The Holidays
For some people, a card is enough. Don’t stress about giving gifts because you think you “should.” I understand and respect that there’s some people that it’s a personal “must do” to gift too and that’s fine, although, draw the line somewhere.
When you’re exhausted and tired please respect your body. You don’t need to push yourself to please others. Do what you need to do.
Practice allowing others to help you. If you identify as being sensitive and hyper aware of others needs, pause before you jump on the urge “to do” for everyone else. Practice waiting, even if just for a couple seconds, to give other people the space to take care of their own needs. You will be surprised to see what other people are capable of when you allow them to show up for themselves.
This is your holiday season. Enjoy it.
*Image by Photographer Shannon Bailey.
Tapping Into Your Heart Space (What Does that Even Mean?)
When you’re looking for answers, where do you look? Do you rack your mind for what’s logical? Do you try and search for what makes sense?
I understand logical, yet sometimes being so logical is what’s so limiting. Our logical minds want things to make sense, and often, things that are really beautiful and surprising in life don’t make much logical sense. Logic will be there when you need it, although I want to speak to how something, someone or somewhere makes you feel.
Keep in mind that you feel from your heart space and you think from your brain space.
How something makes you feel gives you information that’s so unique and personal. Your feelings about something are speaking to you, whether you pay attention to them or not. Your feelings have the potential to guide you, while acting as your unique personal compass.
The more you pay attention to this internal instrument of yours, the more it will strengthen and help you make good decisions for your life. It can be very valuable for you to become more aware of how you feel about things rather than how you think about things.
“We remember 10 percent of what we read, 20 percent of what we hear, 30 percent of what we see, 40 percent of what we do, and 100 percent of what we feel.”
If you’re looking for answers, what would it mean for you to start practicing the art of feeling? Your practice can start by putting more attention to how people, places and things make you feel. Get familiar with where certain feelings sit and how they feel within your physical body. For example, where does anxiety lie in your body? Where does excitement sit? As you start paying more attention to how these emotions feel in your body you will strengthen your mind/body connection, which will be an invaluable asset to you as you go through life.
FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION EXERCISE
“Wait for your intuition to lead you somewhere, to do something or to reach out to someone. As you do this, one thing after the other will start to unfold. Within this unfolding, remain open allowing yourself to continue to be lead vs. controlling the direction. (Think of having a partner lead you as you dance: two people can’t lead. It’s important to follow and allow for this to work.) Your initial intuitive action will gain momentum as you continue to act and move forward without resistance. As you keep going, in time you’ll be able to look back and see how specific situations and coincidences have lead to your current reality. ”
Following your feeling or intuition is all about noticing the urges and desires that are calling you to act. Your intuition will never fail you if you trust it and stay in the game. Staying in the game requires you to be led and follow, rather than taking control by leading while using your logical mind. Your desires will lead you somewhere interesting and unexpected, that’s for sure. They will lead you to a very different destination then where your logic will take you as you “try” to “figure things out.”
Your intuition will take you to places that you can’t think up. This is why the unexpected moments and random coincidences in life can be so moving; these moments are not planned, you often don’t see them coming, which causes them to be surprisingly refreshing and extraordinary.
Your intuition is fueled by excited, new energy. Energy that is stripped from any routine or knowing. Tap into how you feel about things rather than how you think about things. Play around with this and see where your feelings lead you. I have no doubt that it will be really interesting.
*Above Image take by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How to Recognize & Hold onto A Good Thing
Good things come and go, correct? Such is life.….
Do we accept that this is how it goes, or do we actively work to tap into our inner knowing so we don’t let those good things go?
Becoming more in tune with what a good thing looks and feels like can help us ditch what’s not so great in our life, while holding onto what is.
Life will offer us a bit of everything, so how do we know when a good thing is right in front of us?
In the land of plenty, how do we know what’s the right thing, person or situation for us?
How do we know when to hold on and how do we know when to let go?
At one point or another, we all have to come up with our own answers to these questions. Life will present us with a varietal of opportunities. Our decisions to go toward or away from these people and situations will pave the path of our life.
No pressure, right?
I remember a time in my life when I spent years in an indecisive place about love.
Is THIS it? Is HE it? Is SHE it? Are THEY it? Are WE it?
I mean, how are you supposed to know what’s up from down in certain situations?
Will we ever? Can we ever?
Here’s what I know.
Going toward what makes you feel good consistently is always a good choice. Move toward what feels good consistently, not sporadically. Sporadic energy tends to feel chaotic. Consistency breeds trust.
Lots of not so great things and people can make us feel good temporarily. A temporary fix tends to be more surface and short lived. Some of us rather take something rather than nothing, yet that’s where many of us get stuck. When the foundation of anything is unstable and ingenuine, it will eventually show its cracks. This is true both figuratively and literally. Whether we’re talking about relationships or a building.
Side Note: * Nobody is perfect, nor is perfection the aim, although unhealthy and destructive people and circumstances do not need your energy friends *
Here are some descriptions on what a good thing usually entails. Hopefully, this can help you evaluate your current experiences in order for you to find clarity around whether you should hold on or let go.
A good thing has a clean paper trial. “History Repeats Itself” is a cliche for a reason.
A good thing feels good (in a healthy way.) Period the end.
A good thing is stable, trusting and accountable.
A good thing says what they mean and means what they say.
A good thing cares about you and it’s obvious.
A good thing is not confusing.
A good thing is not that hard to spot because the right “good thing” for you will stand out amongst the crowd.
A good thing tends to be A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH, for if it wasn't, it wouldn’t be special to your experience. Unique things stand out and are valuable for their rarity, which makes them such a gift.
If you’re still looking for your good thing, keep looking. It’s out there. Don’t settle. Don’t think it “should” be here already. Respect IT’S timing. Look at all the contrast that you’re receiving in your life now as part of the adventure, for one day the adventure will be over and you will be consumed with your good thing.
Lots of love. Cheers to Good Things.
The above image was taken by San Diego based Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Happiness (Tips Toward Feeling More Fulfilled)
Disappointment is a feeling I really struggle with. I don’t like feeling it; who does?
Yet, I realize and believe that our emotions act as messengers, trying to awaken us with insights and truths. With a recent disappointment under my belt, I was called to do some inner searching in order to find some perspective.
In my heart of hearts, I know that there’s something for me to grow and learn from because of my strong discomfort of disappointment. I realize that I’m not alone here, after all, why would anyone want to be disappointed? I’ll go out on a limb by saying that I don’t think many of us do.
This blog post was inspired by a youtube talk with Tony Robbins who laid out a helpful way to look at the concepts of happiness and expectations. Click the link to listen to the talk, if desired. I’ll do my best to paraphrase and hopefully pass on some perspective to you that I found helpful.
The feeling of unhappiness is a result of believing that your life is not where it should be.
If you think you should be in an intimate relationship, and you’re single you will feel unfulfilled.
If you think you should have a different financial situation then you do, you will feel disappointed.
If you think you should be further along in your career than you are, you will feel lack.
If you think a friend should respond to you any differently than they’re responding you will be frustrated.
Bottom line is that anytime in life you think something should look differently than it actually appears or shows up to be, you will experience disappointment.
Boom. It’s that simple.
We all tend to have an area or areas in our life that we struggle with. It can be our health, relationships, career, family life, financials, etc. Whenever any of these areas don’t meet the expectations that we put on them we will feel anything from discomfort to total pain and suffering. It depends on how far off our expectation is from how something or someone has panned out to be.
What can make matters worse for us is when we feel like we have no control over our current circumstance. Feeling like there’s nothing that we can do to change our mind space or actual external circumstance will really push us over the edge and leave us stuck and disappointed.
Although here’s the reality………..
Friends, there’s always something that can be done to find a more happy state. This is so easy to forget, especially when an event or period of life feels so permanent, stagnant and disappointing. Please remember this especially when you’re stuck and can’t find a way out.
A way out is always there, you just can’t see it yet when you’re in it. Believe this.
If that’s what unhappy is, then what’s happy? Let’s now turn toward the light.
The feeling of happy shows up when your external life matches how you think it should look.
When your health is where you believe it should be given your expectations, you will feel content with that area of your life.
If your career is going how you believe it should and you’re making the amount of money you believe you should, you’ll feel good about that area of your life.
The bottom line is that any area of your life that’s going as you believe it should based on your expectations of how you believe it should be, will bring you feelings of satisfaction.
Knowing what constitutes happiness and unhappiness is a huge advantage because our awareness around these concepts will help us to feel more confident about changing our state when we feel stuck.
Thanks to Tony Robbins, here’s some awesome and straight to the point feedback about how to cope when life doesn’t meet our expectations. You can either:
Change your story of how you believe your life should look. (Change your perspective.)
Change your life, meaning take an action and do something to externally change your life.
Usually change and the road to feeling more content requires a bit of both. Another concept to think about is that we humans have a tendency to think that we know what needs to be happen in order to feel good about our life. The reality is that we don’t always know the exact ingredients or path toward our idea of happy. Proof of this comes in the form of the person who appears to have it all, yet remains unhappy about their life.
Life is not logical. You can’t figure it out by thinking it out. You have to get out there and live it. There’s no exact and direct path toward your unique happy, but you’ll find it if you keep adventuring.
When you stay in the game, life will surprise you if you allow it too.
All in all, this is such a rich topic and my hope is that the above has helped you think about your own life and expectations that may be blocking you from feeling more joy. It’s amazing what a perspective shift can do. Often, when you change your perspective your awareness heightens and you become more in tune with the inspired action to take that will lead you to make a change for the better.
Keep looking. You will find your happy as you keep your head in the game of life.
Above image by Amy Lynn Bjornson.