RADICAL HONESTY (what it is & how it will expand your self growth)
One practice that can expand your level of self growth is radical honesty.
What is Radical Honesty?
Radical Self honesty calls the suppressed parts of self to the surface. It’s a practice that asks you to be 100% authentic (or as truthful as you’re capable of at the moment) with yourself. Especially the parts of self that are easy to blow off, ignore or hide because of the uncomfortable emotions and feelings connected with those parts or life experiences.
At some time or another, we’ve all probably experienced the struggle that comes with opening up about certain topics and emotions that are uncomfortable and sensitive. It’s like touching an injured physical part of yourself. It’s tender and sensitive to the touch until it heals.
The emotional parts of self are no different. We just can’t physically see our emotionally wounded parts, which makes it easier for some of us to compartmentalize them or ignore what needs healing and attention.
From first glance this concept can seem trivial, simple even. You might even wonder why I’m writing a whole blog post on the topic of honesty. I mean, what more is there to say? Be honest with yourself, simple, right?
W E L L………
From my experience as a therapist, one thing that I’ve continuously witnessed through the years is how hard it can be for some of us to see and face “the truth.” The truth meaning the hard facts of what did happen, what is happening and what it all means and where it has placed us on this ever moving, giant, blue & green colored (as pictured in my head) ball called Earth.
Why I’m writing this post: So you stop or don’t start hiding from your truth.
Radical honesty, however simple it may seem to some, is something that many of us hide from.
Many of us do hide from our uncomfortable parts. Many of us live our entire lives hiding.
Some of us never get to a moment in our lives where we can fully see and accept the truth of what happened or didn’t happen and where we are now because of how everything has fallen into place.
The concept of radical honesty is vast. It’s big. It requires bravery to admit the truth. Especially a truth that’s dirty, scary and is filled with shame and embarrassment. Facing such a thing is a huge feat. Please don’t downplay it and honor this courageous act on your part.
Why Practice Radical Honesty?
Until we stop hiding from our truth, it will be merely impossible to not distract, avoid or numb out. We have to keep up our unhealthy distractions to continue to black out the screams coming from our unhealed parts.
Not accepting what is or what happened is where addictions are born. It’s where disconnected relationships live, primarily the disconnect within yourself. So, to say it straight, being fully transparent with yourself is a key ingredient to an expanded self.
“Your ability to see yourself through the lens of radical honesty is the foundation of emotional maturity, and this vantage point will help you make decisions from a place of active clarity, instead of a place of passive unconsciousness.” - Lighter, Yung Pueblo (love him!)
3 Major Benefits of Radical Honesty
More clarity within. More clarity within allows you to make life decisions and every day choices that align with your true self, which, (you guessed it) will lead to results that are more fit for you. Opportunities, people and life will play out in a way that’s more in tune with who you are at the core.
Facing what’s scary and hard is what allows “it” to lose it’s power over you. The hardest part of facing what’s scary is building yourself up to face it or do it. However, usually, once we get ourselves to do just that, (confront the beast) what was so scary looses it’s power over us. (*Also, usually, it’s never as scary as we thought. )
I encourage you to, little by little, go toward your fear and, over time, with intention and doing the work, your fear will diminish.
You will attract more authentic people and experiences to you because authentic self honesty attracts authentic external honesty. Simply put; Honesty internally attracts honesty externally. It’s that simple. It’s that magnetic.
Problems That Arise When Were Not Radically Honest With Ourselves
The truth is, whatever we don’t fully heal doesn’t miraculously go away. As we have all heard, the only way out is through and so is true with difficult emotions. Anything that we haven’t fully processed will manifest and be expelled in some other way, shape or form. Repressed emotions can be expressed through your anxiety, your anger, your over eating, your overuse of alcohol, your lack of self confidence or your depression. Need I say more?
This post is to encourage you to look toward the parts of self that need and are calling for your attention. In order for any issue, past trauma or stuck emotion to heal, it needs to “face the light” in order to be tended to and laid to rest peacefully within.
My intention for guiding you toward your “uncomfortable” aspects of self is, not to torture you, rather it’s to expand you. My intention is to help you heal and get beyond the blocks that are holding you back.
(Before I go further, I would love to clarify the following: *This post is not focused toward persons who have experienced high levels of trauma. In the case of high trauma it’s important to work with an experienced professional to unpack unprocessed traumatic events.)
Who is this post for?
This post is for the person whose functioning, yet is experiencing a lack of fulfillment and blockage, whether conscious or not, due to a denial of the truth. Meaning, a person whom either lacks self awareness or is consciously choosing to deny the truth of what has happened or what is happening in their present moment experience.
Are you with me? I hope so, because looking at something that has been buried away within can be really intimidating, but worth the work.
In order for you to identify your unique “hard truth(s),” I will ask you to spend some time looking at any avoidant behaviors or topics where you experience resistance. *Note: Usually, distractions, busyness, addictions and negative habits are formed, unconsciously or not, for us to avoid what we don’t want to admit, deal with or look at. Generally, we avoid in order to numb out difficult aspects of ourselves. This is a defense mechanism in order to keep a difficult truth away. This is what leads us down a road of struggle.
Oh, the struggle is real too.
When we have a habit of turning our attention away from the truth, negative habits & distractions build, while creating major havoc in our lives.
Questions for Self Reflection & Exploration of Blocked Truths
Here are 4 questions to help you explore and potentially help you discover the areas of your own life where you may be hiding or avoiding “the truth.”
What topics (if any) do you avoid when they come up? (in life, in conversation?)
What do you do to avoid thinking about or talking about such a topic? (change the subject, push it away, etc)
Are you experiencing any symptoms that are effecting your emotional and/or mental wellness? (ex: trouble sleeping, anxiety, depression, lack of energy, low self concept, feeling lost, etc)
Are there any insights that you have about your behaviors or symptoms which you intuitively know are connected with a tendency to pull away from your truth?
“Okay! I’m ready! How do I practice radical honesty?”
Questions to Help You Untangle Your Hidden or Rejected Truths
How do you face things that feel too scary and difficult to face?
Generally speaking, little by little and maybe with the help of a professional depending on the level of resistance and blockage around “your truth” and lack of acceptance of what is. Start with respecting and accepting where you’re at in terms of your relationship with the truth. It’s like anything in life that feels really intimidating or nearly impossible, you just go one step at a time and build on that.
Also, increasing your level of introspection, self awareness and emotional intelligence will help you gain the tools and confidence to go toward the “scary” stuff.
How do you accept things that feel impossible to accept?
It might take awhile to find and arrive at “acceptance.” It’s a process to work through hard issues, losses and moments in our lives where there is resistance. Begin with accepting where you are currently. Whether it’s pretty or not. The concept of shift and change begins with acceptance.
What are strategies that can help me face hard emotions around the “truth” of my current circumstances & past?
Make sure your words are matching your actions. Does what you say match what you do? Are you telling yourself and others the truth (a fact) or a story (a fantasy?) Start practicing radical honesty by being truthful on a daily basis with simple things.
Allow space for difficult emotions to come up, process and be experienced so they can pass. Allow a figurative “winter season” to be there. You might find yourself wanting more quiet or more sleep during this period of pushing through hard emotions. Heads up: Doing this work can feel exhausting not only mentally, but physically too.
In a nutshell; Be gentle & patient with yourself.
All my feedback speaks generally to how to start doing the deep inner work that being radically honest requires. There’s work to be done beyond this blog post, but if you feel like these words have opened something up for you, there are a lot of ways to continue to build your level of self to further explore your suppressed parts.
For some this might mean seeking out a licensed mental health professional. Some might want to start with getting their self care basics in order (see below.) Some might want to sit with the words from this post and see what opens up from allowing this material to sink in.
Here are some general practices, that when done consistently and when they become a lifestyle, really help to balance your energy and help you expand to your best version of self.
Practices that Encourage Further Self Growth & Awareness
find a mental health therapist to further explore (if appropriate & the right next step for you)
develop a journaling practice
develop a meditation practice
move your body consistently
eat balanced & well
be mindful of your alcohol & caffeine intake
practice healthy boundaries with Yourself & Others
work on exploring your self identity
be consistent with your sleep schedule
(All these “little” things have the potential to lead to big change. I’ve seen clients change one small habit that, overtime, led to a massive life change. *Note: Don’t dumb down what tiny small shifts in everyday habits can do for your life.)
As always, thank you for reading. Thank you for being here with me. Truly. I’m always listening, so don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions, topic suggestions or whatever else I can help with. Cheers my friends!
The book I’m currently reading and loving: TINY BEAUTIFUL THINGS
*Above image is by photographer, Ashley Williams.
8 Ways of Coping to Relieve Anxiety
GET IN NATURE, BABY!
Breath fresh air. Sit in the salty sea. Listen to the sounds of natural elements. Do what you need to do to get in nature and feel, hear, see and experience the natural healing that will occur when you do.
DITCH YOUR TIMELINE
Trust that life and all the events that you desire are on there way and will come to you when they’re meant too. When we dismiss the idea that there is divine timing at play in life, we tend to freak out and push and pull toward what we believe should be happening. Trust in life’s direction and you will start feeling less anxiety as you allow life to direct you without your resistance.
STOP OVERWHELMING YOURSELF WITH SHOULDS & WHAT IF’S
If it should happen, trust that it will. If it does happen, trust that there’s lessons for you to learn. Catch yourself from going down the rabbit hole of the what if’s & shoulds of life.
BE PRESENT
Be where you’re at. Your life is this moment, right now. Getting too far ahead with planning or too far behind with dwelling and ruminating about past events, you will completely lose the beauty of the now. Stay present friends.
GET CONNECTED TO YOUR BODY
Move that beautiful body of yours. Get your blood pumping and allow your endorphins to release. You will feel better for it. It’s a sure thing.
GO SLOWER
When in doubt, slow down. This life is so busy these days, more so than ever with the over abundance of demands and electronics always at our finger tips. Take fasting days from social media. Close down the lap top and learn to slow your mind. Make less plans, do less and see how you feel.
EVALUATE THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
Who you spend your time with is who you’ll become more alike. Choose your company wisely because the power of influence is a real thing.
TIDY HOME; TIDY MIND
If you haven’t noticed, there’s a huge correlation between your internal space (your mind space) and your external space (the space in which you dwell.) If you’re having trouble keeping your mind from racing, try cleaning up and organizing the external space around you. It’s a great place to start the clean up.
As always, I’m hoping that these quick tips help you to get out of your head and into your life. Cheers.
*Above Image is by San Diego based wedding & lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
A Licensed Therapist's 5 Truths to a Life Worth Living
1. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
Isn’t that the freaking truth? Body, mind, heart & soul. They all need your attention friends. Your body needs movement. Your mind needs stimulation. Your heart needs love and connection and your soul needs to feel fulfilled.
2. When something hurts, stop and listen.
I mean this on various levels; physically, mentally and emotionally. Our pain is speaking to us. Our job is to pay attention and to decode what it's trying to tell us. If something is hurting, whether it be your physical body or heart; stop, listen and give yourself some space to work it out. Take time to ground and allow the message that wants your attention to come through.
3. Learn to Sit With Silence.
Sometimes there’s nothing to say. Learning to sit in silence and not fill the space, both verbally and externally will help you stay more clear and centered. When you're not trying to fill the space, it’s always interesting to witness what comes up to fill it besides you.
4. Practice Trusting That Life is Happening as IT Should.
Things have an interesting way of working out if you can genuinely remove yourself from the drivers seat of your life. Like anything in life, when you let go of holding on so tight, things have a way of falling into their own natural rhythm.
5. When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them The First Time.
This is an Oprah statement that really resonated with me. It’s so easy to validate and create a story that excuses negative behavior of the people around us. On the flip side, when someone who you don’t know well or at all, really shows up for you in a positive way, that’s important to pay attention to as well. People are constantly showing us who they are via the way they treat us and others and through their actions. Who you let into your life is a big deal. Pay attention to the character of others.
Cheers.
* Image taken by Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How Nature is Healing (4 Explanations)
If you’re going through a difficult time, finding yourself more stressed than normal or just need to get back to feeling like you, I would point you toward immersing yourself in nature.
I’m a huge believer that nature heals. I say this on multiple levels: physically, mentally and emotionally. I know that this is no surprise to hear nor anything that hasn’t been supported by science or heard before, but I just feel compelled to write about the importance of connecting to the natural elements.
Here is why:
Get Quiet
Disconnecting from the noise and demands of your everyday life and planting yourself in nature provides the kind of quiet where you have the opportunity to ground and hear your own self. Surrounding yourself with the sounds and natural flow of nature offers you the opportunity to sink into your inner world and hear your intuition with more ease.
Ground Down
Feel the earth beneath your feet. Take off your shoes and ground down into the soil of the earth. Your skins contact with the earth can be rooting. A great visual exercise to practice when your bare feet make contact with the ground is to imagine roots growing out of the bottoms of your feet and anchoring down in the soil below. This visualization can literally help you feel more grounded in your life.
There is Something Bigger Than You
Listening to the sounds of the animals, the wind, feeling the sun or the rain on your skin and watching the movement of life provides reminders that there is something bigger than you at play. Often, when we’re caught up in the "busyness" of our own lives, we can become consumed by our own thoughts and become off balance. The realization that we're being supported by something bigger; something outside of ourself can help us to get out of our own way.
There is a Natural Flow
Onlooking nature invites us to witness the cycle of life that is always in forward motion. Something has to die in order for something to live. Ones ending is another’s beginning. These are concepts that also apply to our life as humans. It can be hard to believe in the natural flow of our own lives. Especially when things aren’t flowing as we would like them too. When we get caught in our own agenda about when and how events should be happening to and for us, we create a lot of suffering. Nature reminds us to let go and let flow.
With that said……go jump in the ocean, go hiking in the mountains, count the stars, look at the moon, feel the sun, listen to the morning birds, get out there in one way or another and experience the healing energy of nature.
* The image was taken in by Amy Lynn Bjornson.